This morning I noticed another post on this subject....but I want to start another post because this subject is so important. Just last evening I brought up this subject with my husband (the betrayer).....in other posts I have stated how he hates to talk about OW with me because we are rebuilding our marriage and talking about the affair is a lovebuster.....but.....we went to visit my father in the local Emergency Room and since we were in a clinical setting I brought up AIDS when husband began to talk to me about how he will be 80 y.o. in exactly 30 years......I said to him that if he doesn't watch himself he is going to catch a deadly disease, such as AIDS, give it to me and then<BR>none of us will live very long....and we will not see your grandchildren......of course, he got all defensive and doesn't want to talk about it and he accused me of not really wanting to rebuild because I am always bringing it up.....he assured me that he had an affair with this particular woman because he "knew" she was "clean"......I reminded him that when she was married (one year ago), her husband had a GF, he slept with both of them.......my husband then slept with OW and me.....I don't understand how he can be so sure she is clean.....as others in the other post just stated.....AIDS stays dormant for months.....its not like a strep test where you know if its positive or negative in 10 minutes.......I tried to be nice and explain that I was not accusing him of anything right at the moment (he says its over.....but I have serious reservations about this and think he is still lying to me)<BR>but that simply I want us to stay alive......and to enjoy our children and grandchildren some day.....anymore thoughts out there about AIDS and STD's ? I just think that this forum does not talk enough about this.....(PS: maybe he asked her to take an AIDS test.....I know he didn't....because I got no notices from PHS<BR>about any tests he had done)....maybe she took one so that she could sleep with him.....sluts will go to any length....<P>still SAD

sadforever, there is no answer to the stupidity, the defensiveness etc of the betrayers with respect to this issue. What you raise I brought up with H and he was so very angry...did not want to hear ANYTHING NEGATIVE about any of the stuff he had done, after all it was my fault. I posted the other message and there are some interesting observations and replies.<BR>H did take the test after 15 year old son told him to and was so proud of this. I told him that I wanted to see the written results and that he would have to go again in 5 months..He told me, never showed me that he was clean, but never went back. Oh yes. She told him that she was using protection but on Discovery day I also found out that she had had an abortion. Guess what "she had made a mistake" he told me. I asked him how come we had never made this type of mistake in 22 years?<BR>He told me that she had an upset stomach!!! <BR>I had my tubes tied 12 years ago as H would not have the Big V...BIG MISTAKE

In reply to your post, my H tested positive for an STD and had to get retested to confirm it was cleared up. But AIDS is a real concern too. My OBGYN said to schedule a test for this in May and H needs to as well. In the meantime if any sex is had it will have to be with protection now, thanks to his ignorance of not protecting himself with lounge lizzard. If the test comes back positive I don't know how I will handle this.<BR>I pray and am trying to rebuild but when I think about the humiliation and all he has caused I feel sick inside. This is not easy.<BR>But at least I am doing what I can to ensure I stay healthy for my D. Too bad he didn't think about this.

sadforever,<BR> You're right. This is a VERY serious subject and if everyone here would please listen and pay attention, maybe we can help someone that doesn't even know they need help! <P>Please look out for yourself. If your H or W refuses to be tested, make an appointment and have the tests yourself. And not just the HIV/Aids blood tests. Get a complete physical. There are several serious Sexually Transmitted Diseases with NO symptoms that can not be detected by the blood test. Get a physical! I can't stress that enough.<P>

This sort of thing is nothing to take risks with. It is definitly a good idea to take a physical yourself. Also try to convince him of the importance of taking this test, and possibly getting a full physical himself. Some STD's more often with males can remain asymptomatic, and still cause problems (such as sterility). Even if he is asymptomatic he can still transmit the disease. For HIV it is true that you can have the disease and never know it. It can take up to one year before you wil sero-convert (become positive), and much longer before you can become symptomatic. Sugested testing if you belive you have been exposed is; 1mon, 3mon, 6mon, 1yr. These times can vary depending in who you talk to, but they are usually accurate. <P>My W after her affairs acted much in the same way as your H, "They're clean I know it" was what she said to me when I brought the subject up. Luckily both of us are in the medical field so it it was easier to convince her to do the testing. <P>I hope thing work out for U, hope I could help <P>Jason