OK, first off, I'm asking this question for my cousin, Yui (that's what she wants to be called). OK, so bear with me....<P>OK, my cousin Yui has had an extremely painful past. She's now married with 2 children. She's around the same age as me, 24, and her marriage isn't doing too well either. It seems that the root of her past problems was with her mother. Her question to all of you is how is the best way she can deal with her mother to rid herself of the guilt and pain she feels everyday to work properly on her marriage?<P>OK, for those of you that think I'm making this up, I'm not. Yui is too scared to talk to anyone herself because she sees this (posting on forums) as embarrassing. I would appreciate answers until Tuesday because she's just in the area of where I live visiting and I would like to tell her all of your opinions so she can have something to work with when she goes back home. Thanks all!<P>PS I noticed A LOT of people on this board call me Yuki. Actually, you guys have been saying it backwards. It's actually Miaka, not Yuki because Yuki is the last name and Miaka is the first name. Keep in mind that this is NOT my real name, but I'd rather been known by Miaka than Yuki. Thanks all, I would really appreciate it.<P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse" TARGET=_blank>http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse</A> is where my page is. Oh yeah, THANKS EVERYBODY FOR REPLIES!!! Very much appreciated! <p>[This message has been edited by yuki miaka (edited June 10, 2000).]

It has been my experience that people rarely respond to unsolicited advice. If she doesn't want to talk about it, I would leave her be while letting her know thta I was there if she changed her mind. --HBC

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by HurtButCoping:<BR><B>It has been my experience that people rarely respond to unsolicited advice. If she doesn't want to talk about it, I would leave her be while letting her know thta I was there if she changed her mind. --HBC</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well, I guess I should've mentioned that she's sitting here right next to me asking me to type this for her so she is listening to you guys.<P><P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse" TARGET=_blank>http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse</A> is where my page is. Oh yeah, THANKS EVERYBODY FOR REPLIES!!!:) Very much appreciated!:)

This will be quick, pressed for time.<P>There really isn't enough info there to offer much advice. If she has a problem with her mother, has done something she is right to feel bad about, apoligize to her mother. In person, by letter whatever.<P>If that isn't possible counseling to discover more of the root of the problem.<P>I realize this isn't very helpful but there just isn't much to go on. Sometimes we just have to set the past behind us and say that we're going on from here.<P>Take care.

Hi Miaka,<P>I'm not sure of the full situation that Yui has with her mother...<P>...but there may be a question of "forgiveness" in it!<P>Forgiveness isn't easy to handle...<P>I have some ideas that might help...<BR>check out the web sites...<BR><A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com/forumlinks4.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself</A><BR><A HREF="http://forgivenessweb.com" TARGET=_blank>The Forgiveness Web</A><P>and some books...<BR><OL TYPE=1><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/034541344X" TARGET=_blank><B>The Art of Forgiving :</B> When You Need to Forgive and Don't Know How</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060674318" TARGET=_blank><B>Forgive and Forget </B>: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0785282556" TARGET=_blank><B>The Choosing to Forgive Workbook</B></A> by Les Carter, Frank Minirth <BR></OL><P>Prayers to you... and Yui <P> <P>Jim

hanora:<P>Hi. Yui told me to tell you that it's nothing she did to her mother, it's something she did to Yui. Yui wants to know if what her mother did is affecting her relationship with her H.<P>NSR:<P>Hi. Yui said she has tried to forgive her mother, but she's just too angry about what happened to her. I won't ask Yui because I don't think she wants me to know. That's all I can say.<P>Thanks everybody for your replies to her. I appreciate you guys being nice to her! <P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse" TARGET=_blank>http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse</A> is where my page is. Oh yeah, THANKS EVERYBODY FOR REPLIES!!!:) Very much appreciated!:)