Folks,<P>Just polling to see how many of us out there are Separated from S but in Plan A.<P>Maybe you could tell us the duration of separation and how it's going too.<P>Jo

Yep... in Plan A... (firm 9+ months)<BR>Separation... coming up on 10 months.<P>My divorce... will most likely be in 2 months..<BR>Her marrying OM... shortly thereafter.<P>Jim

We've been separated 4 mos., but H has been spending weekends with us (4 hrs away)and calls several X a day. I've been Plan A'ing since Mar.when I learned of MB and read SAA.<P>He's been living w/OW about 6 wks., but he says she's moving out next weekend(YAY!). Am praying that it really happens this time...He says he's choosing the marriage over her, but this is a long-term addiction (2 yrs) so I'm prepared for the inevitable waffling. <P>From what I've picked up (I don't interrogate), OW is getting tired of waiting for a commitment...<P>To be honest, I'm getting tired of waiting, too -- am asking God to speed this process up because my lovebank is dangerously low. One day at a time....

been seperated 5 weeks today, but this is the 6th time since April, 1999 and the longest of our seperations. <P>My love bank was really emptied this weekend when he told children "No wonder Mom had to leave for the weekend..." and blamed them. We will probably divorce over his pride and not the OW who has been out since April 99. He has nicely wrapped himself up in a blanket of self pity and guilt and won't come out of it except to belittle everyone else.

Separated 16 months. Plan A the whole time (as well as can be accomplished with a 2500 mile distance). She hasn't seen the kids for over a year. She calls about once a week.<P>Is it working? Don't know. She hasn't brought up divorce, but she also hasn't even approached anything resembling wanting to come home.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Hi Resilient -<P>H moved out a year ago June 5th...we were in this mess for two years before that......<P>Plan A (without knowing it) till I found MB last May.....continue to Plan A with more knowledge under my belt and a lot more strength!!!<P>Divorce in process....OW pushed - he let her!!! <P>Got me a stubborn one!!!! LOL!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba<P>

Thanks All! <P>Here's mine:<P>Separated 6 weeks, Plan A'd a few mos prior to separation. Still in Plan A, but it's getting shakey.<P>Jo

D ady 71/2 months ago... H left ant the end of Jan00 for 10 days came home and never broke it off... now just left a week ago sat....<P>Its killing me... I know he saw an atty 2 weeks ago.... how long does it take to draw up papers etc.... I didn't ask if he's following through .... <P>Trying plan A I guess... He ALWAYS sounds chipper on the phone I do the same... But my heart always races......s

D-Day was almost 4 months ago (wife had 6 week EA). Separated for 5 weeks now (I moved out). In Plan A for almost 3 months.<P>Seems to be going OK all things considered. Wife wants to start "dating" again. We have quite a bit of contact (e-mail, phone calls, drop off kids, "family" functions). She's always friendly. We're even going on a family camping trip this weekend. <P>Still, I'm always a little nervous about doing/saying wrong thing. I think we're both a little anxious when we get together. OM still lives across the street from W and they have had a few "casual" contacts. Still upsets me when it happens.<P>I've been doing GREAT! Lost weight, feel stronger, closer to my sons, friends and other family. Starting to feel a little lonely though. In spite of good that's come out, this still sucks!

Agree with you Gonnatry, there is alot of good that can come of this situation, but it still Sux!<P>I miss my best friend that was always there to talk to, who knew me best. Who loved me regardless. I really miss him.<P>------------------<BR>Jo<P>Josie_Res@Hotmail.com<P>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak that will snap in the wind"

OK, here goes,<P>Separated for 15 months since March 13 1999. Found out she was seeing him for about a year and a half before discovery. Either she was a very sneaky little [censored] or I was dumb as dirt and/or stuck on stupid.<P>She says they are only friends and I really believe it is only a EA. yeah, only. She has given me many opportunities to show the "new and improved version" of Tim. I just keep messing it up and show her the old jerk that I was. She wanted to try before and I wasn't interested. Now it's me that wants to try and you guessed it.<P>Plan A to Plan B back to Plan A. It's tough. She works FT and goes to school at night 4 times a week. I usually only get a few hours on Friday afternoon with her at best.<P>This past Fridays date didn't go as well as I had hoped. She pushed my buttons. Divorce was brought up as the best way to go. She was crying through out lunch.<P>She called 45 minutes after she dropped me off and appologized for upsetting me. I thanked her for the hour that she did spend with me. She called me a jerk and said it could have been longer if I didn't start in fighting. Then she remembered she started it. Nice honest chat. She started crying at the end again. Wondered if I was really going to drop off the remaining paper off at the lawyer.<P>I don't read body language very well, but, it seems that she doesn't want a D. I may be wrong. Won't the first time or the last.<P>Any thoughts Girls? <P>Driving myself nuts and it's a short ride. The only was I am going to sign that last paper is if God from Heaven above comes down and hands me a pen. Other than that she is going to be married to me for a while.<P><P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

We've been separated for almost 16 months. He filed 14 months ago. <P>OW has "progressed" to letting me hear her tell him what to say to me on the phone. He has made it obvious recently that he is at least starting to miss the kids, but it seems like he blames them for not doing enough to maintain their relationship with him. <P>

*Found out about H's affair in October/November 1999.<P>*Found MB site in December (I think). H didn't want anything to do with restoring marriage.<P>*Tried to Plan A since then....not very good at it.<P>*H moved out in January 2000.<P>*I've done a great Plan A since March 2000.<P>*H is Plan B-ing me (without knowing it)...he never calls anymore or e-mails me, but is cordial whenever I contact him.<P>*My Plan A consists of very little these days....mostly working on myself...I call or e-mail him once a week or so, just to let him know I'm thinking of him. If I talk too long on the phone, he seems annoyed, so I make it short.<P>*H hasn't taken any concrete steps towards divorce or anything like that...the only difference is that he is living with OW, even tho he has an apt.....he's never there. He still says he's not coming back.<P>

OK, so I shouldn't be here, but just for some hope.......<P>He was living w/ PT for 6 1/2 months while I continued with Plan A.<P>No dating, few calls, few visits.<P>We're doing very well, thank you!!! <P>You never know what's gonna happen next.<P>Love and prayers,<P>Lori<P>

Separated since 4/9/00<P>He has been living with OW since then<P>Found MB during that first week. Have been Plan Aing since then. <P>Lots of good things happening. We get along better now then ever before. <P>I pray every day that he will decide it's to come home. I know it's just a matter of time.<P><P>------------------<BR>Molli<P>Find your strength within!

Been separated since 9/1/99. Before that he had moved out twice and come back. Done Plan A, Plan B and I guess I am now in Plan A again for the past 10 months. I have filed for divorce but am still in contact and do talk to him. I am finding though, as they say in SAA, that my love for him is dwindling tremendously and makes it easier to be separated. His affair has been going on for around 2 years and I have known for around 18 months.<P>

I think Dday for me was sometime in Nov. but he didn't really admit to anything until Jan.<P>Moved out in Feb. I tried to plan A...he tried to plan B....I did a 180 and he softened...I had done a plan A since then...and was doing well. Until ....Op got nervous and moved out into her own apt...<P>H became confused again.....tried to go to counseling but H refused to talk and defended "close work friendship" with Op.<P>I needed a break and so did my kids.....so I backed away....He doesn't want a D, doesn't want to get off the fence, doesn't want to do any work in the marraige....just likes things the way they are.....<P>I guess when the emotional intesity lessens for me...I will go back to plan A....until then I am in constant search for myself.....Ha! let me know if you find me.

*D day: Feb 2000<BR>*H told me he wanted to separate in Dec 1999<BR>*He had EA since last summer became PA in November(when I was visiting friends in L.A. and he asked me to stay longer)<BR>*He moved out at the end of April.<BR>*I found out too many lies and they were hurting me so much so I decided not to contact with H after him moving out.<BR>*In May I found out about this website and I realized I was doing Plan B without Plan A.<BR>*I just started Plan A and I'm not very good..<BR>*Since then I have talked/met him 5 times, now he hides this(us contacting each other) from OW; he's getting a new e-mail address(old one Ow knows password)--now I feel like I'm the one who's having an affair! OW doesn't want to know anything about me(according to H) because she knows he still loves me.<BR>He constantly tells me he loves me and he doesn't love OW yet(this I always ask--and he says I have the right to know the truth), sometimes I'm very hopeful sometimes so depressed... Hope he figures out himself soon....<BR><p>[This message has been edited by MF (edited June 13, 2000).]