Sorry everyone, I accidently posted this under Arik's ID please read it as mine...Thanks.<P><BR>I am feeling so sad and lost today. I know that nothing I can say or do will bring Arik back to me. I feel like even though he is in our home he is gone. There is no commitment from him to work on our marriage, the olny commitment he has made is to figure out what is going on in his head. He isn't sure how long that will take. I keep reaching out for the one conection that we have (sex) right now and altough the moment is good I feel bad afterwards because of the lack of commitment on his part. This may sound weird and old fashioned but I had saved that for my husband even before I knew him. Arik is my "first and only". He isn't being a husband to me right now so in some respects it doesn't feel right. Is that too weird?<P>I know he is going away right now because I asked him to. I felt we both needed some space. He really needs to clear his head, get it out of his a$$, and start THINKING. I know that nothing I can say or do will bring him to this, I was hoping space would. Now I am afraid that space will just pull him farther away. Anyway, I just needed to vent, talk, get it out...<P>Thanks for listening.<P>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<BR>------------------<BR>" I broke my promise to be faithful...so I make a new promise to be truthful and loving." Take care in the things you do and say. Be sure that they are loving and caring...not hurtful and neglecting. Arik<P>[This message has been edited by Being a better Arik (edited December 06, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by Being a better Arik (edited December 06, 1999).]

(((((((((((((((Nicole))))))))))))))<P>I know what you mean about the sex.....its great at the time, then you ar left feeling empty...or worse...like, oh, good, he cheats, and still gets the best of me.....somehow just not fair....like getting their cake and eating it too....no pun intended.....<P>as for feeling sad and lost, you have every right, and I know that doesn't help, but you have done all the right things, Nicole, you are beyond trying, and you are correct... he needs to get his head on straight....<P>you take care of you.<P>Dylan

Just hang in there, Nicole. You never know what tomorrow will bring.<P>You've done a good job. Keep up that part. The rest is up to him. <P>{{{{{{{{{{{Nicole}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Take good care of yourself. This will be a rough week.<P>Lori

Nicole, I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of both of you. I truly hope that he will realize what a wonderful, caring, supportive wife he has in you. I know that it is easier said than done, but please try to think positive thoughts. <P>My prayers are with you both. <P><P>------------------<BR>God Bless you and yours,<P>Sheryl W.<P>www.widesmiles.org/gallery/britanie<BR>

Nicole,<BR>I happened to read a post by your husband a couple of weeks ago and I saw such similarity between his post and my husbands (couple of months ago) feelings.<P>Just a couple of thoughts...<BR>It's really hard to eliminate Lovebusters and show your spouse the part of you that they fell in love with when they are out of the house - tread carefully on that push.<P>Your husband wrote with such passion. He still has anger and care for you....he's not into total withdrawl....which I equate with "I don't care". Use those strong emotions if you can.<P>My husband sat on the fence for nearly 9 months before he began waking up....I'm glad I waited because if I'd been in too much of a hurry....we might have made changes that were more permanent in nature. <P>Yes....it really does take both folks wanting the marriage to work for it to thrive....but you can certainly hang on to the union until he figures it out.<P>Accountabiltiy becomes ever so important once you've been betrayed....somehow....promises are pretty empty until they've proven themselves. However, I would encourage you to be honest about what you need and then let it go....and let him make some decisions about his actions. (My husband writes to someone that I'm uncomfortable about (older lady by 15 years) and he used to write pages of short stories to her when we were mentally and emotionally separated...after he told me he was going to make our marriage work which then led to discussions about behaviours from each other which we didn't like...I made it clear that- that communication worked against the very thing that "we" needed to rebuild....I let it go. He says the communication to her has become very uncomfortable and he now can only write one or two sentences...He calls it big brother but I call it his GROWING "conscience". I'm hoping that pretty soon he will feel that it's not worth his time and that he'd rather please me than himself.... again...a little bit of guidance to your needs and then some room for him to make ya feel secure.<P>Nicole....the sweet husband that I'd lost for at least a couple of years shows me more and more the person he used to be....I'm also showing him the person he used to love..... Honestly, it's been more work than anything I've ever done but and we're not totally there yet....but we're both soooo much happier and our kids are absolutely loving the new "GROUP HUGS" nestled in between mom and dad.<P>Good thoughts your way - Tina<p>[This message has been edited by TFloyd (edited December 06, 1999).]

A good book on separation is HOPE FOR THE SEPARATED by Gary Chapman (also wrote THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES). You might find it comforting as it helps you discover what you can do within yourself to facilitate your spouse's return/change of heart.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>

Arik's going away isn't permanent(at least not yet) he has a week off work and so I asked him to visit a friend for a couple of days. I hope, but am not counting on it, that this "space" will help him clear his head and maybe he will come to his senses.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Patient Love (edited December 06, 1999).]

Nicole,<BR>I am hoping for the same thing. I hope he does come to his senses. I am praying for him to do just that. <P>------------------<BR>God Bless you and yours,<P>Sheryl W.<P>www.widesmiles.org/gallery/britanie<BR>