Just wanted to check on you, NoMas. Haven't heard much from you out here. Are you still hanging in there? Please update us if you want.

I'm here. Thanks for asking.<P>Not much to report or say these days.<BR>Just...existing...trying to stay busy.<P>Over the years, I have always heard people say to just "follow your heart".<P>I don't know that this would be sound counsel. To do that, in my case, would ease the pain...in my own heart...for a season. But it would cause so much widespread pain in the hearts of so many...that the guilt would just destroy me completley. <P>It seems that an "internal death" is ineveitable. The question is....do I want a slow one...or a fast one.<BR>(No...I am not suicidal here) But it seems as if my heart is....well....you know.<P>***sigh***<P>

About following your heart...<P>I've heard many stories of people getting burned by following their hearts and not listening to their heads. Similarly, I've heard of many stories of unhappiness from people who listened only to their heads and not thier hearts. And still others (like you, myself, and other betrayers who are going through withdrawal) who are in conflict about what their heads and thier hearts are telling them to do.<P>One of things that I would like to happen is for my head and my heart to stop arguing so much and come to an agreement. Then I don't have to choose which one to follow because they will both lead me to the same place. <P>Maybe that is what happens during the withdrawal process. Your head and your heart duke it out until they are finally both in agreement. A POJA with yourself.<P>I posted in my letting go thread that my ritual with the birdseed didn't have an effect. But I'm thinking that maybe I was wrong. I've been a little calmer about it this week. I think maybe I was expecting an instent "There, that's done and over with" type of feeling. But maybe it just moved me along in the process. It got me unstuck. Am I still sad? yes. Do I still miss him? yes. But the intensity has died down. I guess that's small progress.<P>Keep the faith, NoMas. You can get through this.<P>

NoMas:<P>Again, my advice is to tell your wife, and start counseling. If you started working on a plan to save your marriage, you'd find that you don't have as much TIME to sit around moping about the loss that your heart feels.<P>My best analogy for you is that right now, you're dying of a treatable cancer. The treatment isn't particularly fun, but it's successful in 90%+ of the cases. <P>You're sitting here suffering, trying to decide whether or not to have the treatment. The things you're trying are pretty ineffective for the most part. Are you going to wait until you're "dead"??

Great advice, K! He's right, even though it may hurt, NoMas. You can make it through this, just keep on going. NoMas, I don't know if you've read any comments I've made, but I've been through this, too. I'm through the hardest part, and I'm alive. You have to make a decision and stick by it no matter how bad it hurts, no matter how much you want to talk to OP. Like you said in an old post, you have to return her to her H. Also, return yourself to your W. It took me awhile to truly turn myself back over 100% to my H. But I have, and it makes a world of difference. Don't get me wrong, I still struggle at times. But NoMas, I made my decision to stay w/my H, so I have to do everything in my power (and God's) to keep that commitment. I hit a point where I HAD to choose, I couldn't keep bouncing back and forth and sitting on that fence. Let me tell you, I'm a lot less confused staying off that fence. I can't say I don't get close to the fence at times, but I'm staying off it!<P>I'm not trying to lecture you. I'm just trying to help and encourage you. Hang in there!!!!!! <P>