I've been lurking a lot lately but not posting so I wanted to give everyone an update to my life.<P>My H is still living with the OW but I feel we're getting along better than we did in the last few years before DDay. I don't LB the way I used to. No yelling, being cold towards him, or giving him the silent treatment. I've had a couple of real downer days but he was always there to help me. During the last one, I called him just to talk. He was at a restaurant (I'm sure with her) and I asked him to call me back when he had time and was alone. I figured I wouldn't hear from him for a few more hours but he called 10 minutes later. He was in his car and was driving. We ended up spending the evening with his dad and stepmom. It was fun and it definitely put a smile back on my face. After we left, I called him on his cell and we talked for about 30 minutes. I told him a lot and he listened. <P>The tough thing for me is just being vulnerable and opening myself up to him. I was never any good at it and the fact I am doing it now when it could be all thrown back in my face - well, it's just a risk I am willing to take. <P>My H still hasn't open up to me all that much but he sure does call a lot. We both do. Yesterday, he called just to see what was happening.<P>Tonight is another step (I think). I am going out with friends and H is watching our D. Ever since DDay he would take her to his mom's to watch her. Tonight, though, he is staying at our home. His idea. He asked. Part of me is worried I will come home and find all of his things gone and then another part says you just have to trust him. He said he wouldn't do that and I have to take his word on it. By the way, it's been just over 2 months since he moved in with the OW. He took only enough clothes to get him through the week. He's been back to get extra socks but he has left everything else here and has never made any attempt to get anything else.<P>I read a lot of the other posts and I am hurting for so many BS who are dealing with incredibly hurtful WS. At the same time, I am counting my lucky stars. Other than the months during the A and the first couple of weeks after DDay, I haven't seen a sign of that cruel, mean, jerk my H had become. Trust me when I say how incredibly grateful I am that he has been so open to my efforts to make our relationship better. And the thing is, the more he continues to be there for me and our D, the more he responds positively to me, the more I love him for it. <P>Yes, I would like for him to come home but I'm not going to ask him to - at least not yet. Just like tonight was his idea I want the idea of him coming home to be his idea too.<P>So, it's a good update. Really no major upheavel. We're just taking it one day at a time. That's all I can ask for. <P><P>------------------<BR>Molli<P>Find your strength within!

As a betrayer, I can tell you that if he still is leaving a lot of his things in your home when he has a place of his own, returning is in the back of his mind EVEN if he doesn't know it himself. You mentioned that you have been opening up to him and that it was something that was very hard for you to do. I think that is exactly what the two of you needed. Be patient, keep being open without sounding like your whinning and I would bet he'll start opening up to you. Good plan, don't ask him to come home, at least not yet. It's too soon. He's just starting to see the real you (think about it, if you haven't been real open before in your relationship with him he never has seen the real you), and he needs time to fall in love with the real you. Right now he's interested in the "you" and it's got his curiousity up enough to start coming around more. Keep up the good work. I just want to tell you that a person that really, really wants out doesn't leave things that he has to come back to retrieve on a regular basis.

Shizzo,<BR>Thank you!!! <P>BonnieSept,<BR>You have no idea what your post did for me. I've continually questioned the things he has done (or not done in this case) and your post just affirmed what I was only hoping. Thank you sooooo much!!!!<P><P>------------------<BR>Molli<P>Find your strength within!

I didn't say anything you didn't already know. But, confirming helps don't it?

BonnieSept,<P>Yep, confirmation helps A LOT!!!