I'm jumping to a new thread, because that "Hi, Wings" one is getting SO long!<P>Wow, another person I can relate to! It still amazes me how we all have such similar stories. (Except mine hasn't been quite that long!) I don't even know where to start my response.<P>I do think you're right that in order to become closer to your H, that you need to tell him all that's happened. I know he may not want to hear it, or he may be devastated again. You need to prepare yourself for any response from him; you never know how they'll react. I know the last time my H caught me in a lie, he was about ready to put my bags on the porch. He said he wasn't doing this anymore, and if I wanted to be w/OM, then get out. I'm telling you this, because I wasn't expecting that kind of response. (Wings, Sifted, another reason to convince me not to contact XOM.)<P>There could also be a chance that he may suspect more than you think, but never wanted to face it. You never know, especially when you're not very close anymore. My H knew when I was contacting OM, because of the way I acted towards him. I was even moodier when I had contact w/OM. Imagine that!! I think because my H and I had gotten closer, when I'd contact OM, my H could tell something was up.<P>You said, "I'm sick inside, but yet realize that the only way I'm ever going to fall back in love with my H (and completely rid myself of OM) is to become emotionally closer to my H, and I guess to share this all with him."<P>I totally agree with this statement. You probably just need to sit down w/him (with no distractions) and tell him, "I need to talk to you about something that's really been bothering me", then spill it. It sounds like you two are going to need a lot of help, counseling if possible, to get through this. <P>I wish you the best in getting through that withdrawal, especially when you've had to do it so many times! I know how bad it hurts and how hard it is. Please keep coming here and sharing, I think we all can help each other out. We're here for you, please just let us know how you're doing. Hang in there! <BR>

Thanks momma for your response,<P>You know, I never thought I'd be back here on this board talking about any of this again, but my skeletons are starting to crowd the closet and I can't breathe in here anymore. Its so nice to see so many of you that I can really relate to. I didn't find that as much last time I was here.<P>I'm really struggling with bringing all of this back up again, when my H thinks its been so long... I think wings or sifted said that on another thread also. How can we just say "Oh, by the way- I realize you think everything is honky dory, but actually I am still feeling in love with someone else right now?" I don't know if I can do it. I don't know how he'd react, it is so hard for him to open up and relate about his feelings. He never did that last time, which I know is part of our problem. <P>well, thanks again for the response, and I'm still reading all of your posts. I really like reading posts from schizzo, she has such a good perspective. Its just that she seems to be the type who wants to know everything, and is able to support her H through all this, whereas my H doesn't want to talk about anything. That makes it hard.<P>I know you're dealing with a lot today, with the OM calling you last night. Be strong, and remember, each contact is many steps backwards. You can do this