Hi everyone:<BR>My h is sooooooooooMEAN!!!! I am trying so hard not to let it get to me but it is. I went to my counselor on Thursdsay night and when I walked in I said get ready I need to vent big time. I went off for the full hour on my h. <P>I figured what better place to let it all out. My counselor is great. I love him. He makes sense of everything. He told me that my h has no reason to be upset with me for anything so the littlest thing that happens, he is ready to make it a huge th ing so he can justify everything that he is doing at this time in his life. <P>I know all of this is true and that many WS go thru this justification period but sometimes its time to say enough is enough.<P>Yesterday after my kids game he walked up to me and I could just feel this presence around me so I turned and he handed me my sons catching equiptment and I said to him are you going to come by to pick the boys up for the 2 nd game. ( this is what was discussed earlier in the week) he said no I have to go shopping and you'll have to make sure someone gets them there. He said it so mean and right in front of one of the other parents. Well I just turned my head in disgust and he walked away. I said to the woman next to me (who is a parent of one of the kids on the team who I am friendly with)Oh he is such a jerk and I just can't stand him right now. She replied, I don't blame you one bit he has such an attitude...<P>Folks, My h is angry with me because of two reason. One when this affair broke wide open in January, OW ex h called me on the phone and wanted to talk. Well I talked to him. Now, when he and his wife (OW) have problems its all my fault. Which is such a crock. What person would not want to talk to the ex h of the OW who cheated with my h. I mean she cheated on him to. Needless to say, we were able to help each other in learning what the OP is all about.<P>Secondly, I am fighting to not have my kids around OW. She has a past that is scary. If you have followed my story you'll know. Anyway h wants her around my kids. We went to the lawyers and they suggested we get the kids to counseling and have a counselor decide if the kids are ready to be around OW. Well, my kids have told me a number of times they do not want to be around her. The attorneys ask me if I knew of anyone the kids can see and I said there is a woman that my h and I went to early on who specializes in kids to which my h objected to. He said I don;t want them to see anyone affiliated with the case. So, the attorney asks him do you have anyone in mind and he said well his counselor had suggested someone the kids can see that works with him. Well I then objected. Why should my kids go to see my h counselor colleague? Well, that did it for my h. I am a crazy person who is just trying to cause problems. Here he gets a name of no one who has spoken to any of us and i have to object to it. I told my h that counselor is practices talk to each other in case they are not available and one of the patience call in and are in need of help another counselor can assist them. AT least that is how my counselor office is run. <P>My h just took that as a sign of me being a pain in the [censored]. I honestly was not trying to do that. I just think the kids should go to someone who does not know myself or my h. <P>So, in his eyes I am the lowest. He told me the other day that he does not like me and that when he thinks of the things I do (like the counselor thing) it makes him sick.<P>So this is where I am at today. I am so angry at being treated the way I have been by him lately. I am pretty much in Plan B although not fully because I see him at my kids games. I feel my love slipping away from him in a big way. I know I love him but I have no desire to be near him. He is not the same person at all. I think his anger is a result of his inner realization that he had no reason to do the terrible things he has to me and when I am being so good to him it just compounds those feeling even more. <P><BR>I tell you I have been a saint to him thoughout all of this. But, I feel I can't do this any longer. I think its time to stand up to him and let him know that he can not treat me the way he does. <P>I think that maybe in my case Plan A in not the answer. I wonder if there is such a thing as a Plan C where you give it back to them just like they give it to you. <P>What do you think???? HELP!!!! SOS!!!<P><BR>

Missy...<BR>As a WS....who is really struggling with a ton of feelings and emotions...I would venture to guess that your husband is pretty frustrated with himself. Probably hates himself. And he takes it out on you. No, you don't deserve it...but he is "wounded". The enemy has pierced his soul with an arrow...and you know what happens when you approach a wounded animal...even your own pet? They will lash out and attack the very ones they love the most.<P>You know the commandment...love your neighbor as yourself? Well...sound like he is demonstrating to you...the same love he has for himself. I know this does not help, but Jesus prayed: "Father...forgive them, they don't know what they are doing."<BR>Also...the scriptures admonish us that a "soft answer turns away wrath".<P>I am sure it is hell to go through...especially in light of what you have already been through. Just thought I would offer some possible insight as to where your husband might be. I have not gone that route yet with my own wife...but when the withdrawl symptons come on strong, I know I "feel" very little love or affection for my wife. I am trying to conceal that best I can...and not sure why it is happening. <BR>Oh sure...I think if she had been meeting some major needs earlier, that a lot of this mess I am in would have never taken place. But I don't want to shift all the blame on her.<BR>I just know...that being a male, we tend to be capable of beating up on ourselves pretty bad. Sometimes, it will spill out onto those closes to us. I am so sorry you have to endure this.<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by missy9:<BR>I wonder if there is such a thing as a Plan C where you give it back to them just like they give it to you. <BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You poor thing. You don't deserve such treatment! If there is ever a plan c, I seriously doubt it would consist of dishing out the same bad behavior that you're receiving! LOL I don't know if you were serious or just venting. I can, however, attest to this method being a miserable failure! <P>From the beginning of my 13 year marriage, my H has periodic behavior that has on occasions made my blood boil. We argue and he says things that are so mean and hurtful. Typically he gets mad, says mean and nasty things, and then he's not mad the next day and we're back to status quo. I on the other hand feel very hurt by his angry outbursts, and the pain lingers. <P>Then there's the annoying habits that are ongoing. After several years of marriage, I began making the mistake of "sending back what he sends to me", and relations took a steady downward spiral. When I found MB in April, I was at the point where I wanted these angry outbursts and annoying behaviors removed from my life, even if it means removing H along with them. <P>Missy, my marriage has no OPs and no kids, but I do know how that mean and nasty behaviour can be so angering! So while I can tell you something that <I>doesn't</I> work, perhaps a wiser person than I can offer suggestions on how to "remove" these behaviors we find so unacceptable. <P>

I was anxious to sign on tonight hoping I would get some replies to my post. Thanks NoMas and lonesome. <P>I think you are both right in your responses. I know it would be bad to get angry with him. But, I also know it is human nature to feel this way. <P>I really believe that my h is getting angry with me because he does not know how to control his behavior. He can't help it. He has to believe in his heart that I am this all of a sudden awful person. That would make what he is doing ok in his eyes. I mean the reason he gets angry with my are so ridiculous. My counselor who also counseled my h said the same thing to me. He said my h is playing with a sling shot with the rubberband and a ball. I am at one end and OW is at the other. HE is slowly pulling away from me and closer to her. The closer to her he gets, the angrier at me he gets. He said but when that rubber band is ready to snap WATCH OUT because he will come flying back. <P>I feel deep down that is true. I don;t think it will be for awhile though. Maybe a few years. I think he is to stubborn to admit he made a mistake. <P>lonesome, my h and I had an ideal marriage. We were always respectful of each other. Never had a bad word to say about the other. Got along great. Very happy. I think the need he was missing was sexual in nature and not feeling needed. HE was on the lazy side and was a momma'a boy. His parents did everything for him. HIs Mom made is bed and did his laundry up until the day we got married. Then I took over. He really has led a very easy life. <P>Enter Needy OW who talks sexual day in and day out who is involved in a terribel marriage and you have a receipe for disaster. That is what I am living through now. We have been together for 20 years. Since we were 15. My counselor says and my h behavior support the idea that he is currently living out his adolesence. We only had each other and I think curiosity and wild sex did him in. <P>He is so hooked now and hates my guts. I do not know what to do or how to behave at this point. <P>Thanks for your responses. You gave me something to think about tonight. More opinions welcomed..