I have not posted in a very long while. Just wanted to update everyone on my situation. Recap -- husband left 10 months ago to find himself and to see if he really wanted to be married. Renewed his relationship with OW and she received his new phone number for I did. As she only lives 3 blocks from our home, it is very easy to see when he is visiting her. I continue marriage counseling, but H stopped last October.<P>My children are grown (21,22,24,27) are are also devastated by their father's behavior. I continue to be in prayer and have asked God to be my guide in this terrible situation. On Sunday, I lost it with H as he was at OW's home for Sunday dinner with her daughter and mother. I called her number on my cell phone as asked "May I speak with my husband?" I could hear her laughing in the background. I told my husband I needed to talk to him right away. He said he was having dinner and would stop by my house in 30 minutes. I told him that if was not leaving now, I would stop at OW house. He finally came outside and I told him that this total disrepect for me as his wife has to end as he is now very open with his relationship with OW (going out to dinner in town, taking her and her daughter to amusement parks, going up north to her cabin in the woods, she's at his home or he's at her home daily). He was a little PO as her mother was inside. I said well let me go inside and say hello to OW mother as I have known her for many years. He said no and we went to my home.<P>What hurts the most is he has no idea what he is doing. He has completely cut-off contact with his children. They leave messages but he never returns the calls. I also leave messages regarding bills or some going wrong in the house .... he never returns the calls. I am at my wits end because he has made no movement to end the affair or end our marriage. I love him with all my heart and forgave him a long time ago for everything that has happened. But it has come to the point where his behavior is out in the open and he has no feelings about what is going on or how it is affecting me and our children. He line is "I don't care what anyone thinks about what I am doing...not even my family." That tells me a lot there.<P>I continue to pray and hope God will continue to give me the strength I need to go on each day. I do have a peace about my situation, but when things happen right in front of me with no shame or remorse, I really loose it. I realize that I am only human and when things hurt my heart, it also hurts my soul as well.<P>I apologize for the length of the message. Any words of encouragement are welcome. I plan to call my husband and apologize for my outburst on Sunday. I am sorry to have gotten so angry. But I am at a standstill ... can't go on with my life until our situation is resolved. My counselor indicated that husband is really not happy, just fooling himself that everything is fine (no conflicts with OW yet). But when the reality of their situation is revealed, he will be shocked back into reality.<P>God bless and keep you all!!<P>Hopeful Heart

Dear Hopeful Heart,<BR>I think your name says it all. This is the hardest thing we will ever go through. Our children are all older ,also. They don't know what to think or do. They are trying to leave him alone and just avoid him. His behavior has been so hurtful. I think maybe you should consider moving into Plan B. You need sometime to think about yourself and plan for your future. Let him live in his fantasy world. Sooner or maybe later, reality will set in. He will have to take a second look at what he gave up. Get yourself ready. Keep on praying and asking God to show you what to do each step of the way. If you think you made a mistake ask Him to forgive you. He should be the only one you should have to please.I know this is tough and I'm having a terrible time of it ,too. But everyone here is great and we are all in this thing together, one way or another.

Thank you, Noel, for your encouraging words. I know that God is in controll and sometimes I feel everything is moving just too slow. But I must remember that resolution comes in GOD's time, not my own. I had a three-way conversation with my 3 daughters last night. They had heard from my son what had happen on Sunday. They were ready to come home (3 live out of state) and have a confrontation with their father ... just like confronting a drug addict to get help. I truly appreciated my children's support and we have mended our relationship as I had a terrible period as being a mother (near breakdown twice). But I asked their forgiveness and they all freely gave it to me. They know how much I love them. It pains our hearts to see their dad in this state of mind.<P>God has truly blessed me during the last 10 months. I do have peace unexplainable, but when things go too slow, I have a tendency to try and solve the problem on my own. I once again will have to give this situation to the Lord and LEAVE it in his hands. That way it will get fixed and in His timing, not mine.<P>Thanks for your kind words!<P>HH