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Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 297
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db713 Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2000
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How many wayward spouses out there have left their marriages and married affair partner, and are they still married.I'm just curious since most studies say they usually don't stay together.<BR>There are two separate office romances in my workplace that have ended in divorce and each married their affair partner. What is everyone seeing out there in the real world?

Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 171
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Joined: Mar 2000
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I read on this site or in one of Dr.H's books that 95% of all A die. Dr. Harley told me while talking to him on his radio show that it is more like 99%. I also read of those that get married, 70 % end up in D in a short number of years. I don't know how accurate these numbers are but most couples I know came back to gether after the A died. I would like to believe these numbers. In any case time is on the BS side.<P>Love and Prayers for All!!<P>J W

Joined: May 2000
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My cousin had an A 1 year into her first marriage. She left her H and married the OM. They have been married for almost 5 years and have two children. Of course, they are both under 30 so who is to say their story is finished. She was fighting an eating disorder at the time and she seems to be recovered now, so maybe it is like an alcoholic who mends their ways.<P>She did tell me when I asked about it after discovered my H's infidelity that she still feels guilty sometimes for ruining her first H's life. She wonders if she is going to burn in hell or if God has forgiven her for her sins. She never dicusses this with her new H becasue she doesn't want him to feel bad.<P>She is the only person I know who has married the OM and is still married. I hope she is lucky enough to be the 1% that makes it. I'm not condoning what she did, but divorce is awful in any case and I hope she doesn't find herself there again especially now that she has children.

Joined: May 2000
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My father married one of the OW, but she was way down a long line of them. He didn't waste any time in between the divorce with my mother and marrying her. They've been married 20+ years now, but they have not been happy years. Both have cheated on each other. They seem to stay married because of habit or resignation. I don't see any real love or commitment there, but I am on the outside looking in, so who knows? <P>My grandfather was a cheater too. He was married 4 times. Two of those were to OW, but both of those marriages were short lived. I think one was only for a matter of months. His last marriage lasted 43 years. She was NOT an OW.<P>I seriously doubt that my STBX will marry any whore who would "date" him while he was still married or would date him while she has a boyfriend. Fidelity means too much to him- um, at least one-sided fidelity. He wants his wife to be virtuous, stay-at-home, and a good mom. None of his OW would qualify for that.

Joined: Apr 1999
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Joined: Apr 1999
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I have seen more than 5 affair relationships at work and none of them married their affair partner. Only two divorced and the affair died shortly after they separated with their spouses. One of the relationships I was surprised did not last, due to all the risks they both did to have the relationship and the length of the affair.

Joined: May 2000
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My W and I met at work when she was married and I was single. We got married roughly three years after the affair started. Shortly after our second anniversary she started another affair. It is now eight months since d-day and we have been separated since December. Things are not improving, she just renewed the lease on her apt. It's not over yet, but, it doesn't look promising.<P>Steve

Joined: Aug 1999
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I've been with the other man since discovery for approximately 5 yrs, married/living together for about 3 1/2 yrs. A co-worker of my husband has been married to his ow for 25 yrs. now and still calls her his bride. But after living it I can understand how many don't make it after the first year because for us that was the most difficult yr. However, it wasn't adjusting to step kids, siblings or friends that was hardest but instead the divorce and dealing with the ex. Infidelity and divorce is extremely painful for many people and I know from living the experience that I would never ever do such a thing again. I spend time reading on marriage and infidelity now so that my marriage can stay strong and happy.

Joined: Jun 2000
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Personally I dont know of anyone who has had an affair and it's lasted or migrated to divorce/2nd marriage.<P>However, a co-worker keeps telling me she knows of a few couples that have had affairs and divorced, marrying the affair partner. She tells me they've had children and are reportedly doing well. I'm skeptical tho, you never know what's really going on behind closed doors.<P>Jo

Joined: Jan 2000
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My best friend was having an affair and her H found out about it. They tried to get it back together, but she just couldn't leave the OM. They divorced and her and the OM (now fiance) have been living together ever since. That was about 8-1/2 years ago. They're getting married this weekend. <P>I will say that it has not been all happy and fun. They've had their major ups and downs these past 8+ years. They still work in the same place together. He's divorced with four kids (mostly grown) and the last relationship that broke up because of their affair produced another child. So she's had to welcome in 5 boys into her life, not just her OM.<P>They seem to be doing a lot better now. I think they've both settled down a bit. That's the only affair relationship I've seen stay together.<P>There is another friend of mine, but he's technically still married. He's living with her, but I saw too many bad things in their relationship, that I can't believe they're still together. Especially with him still being married! Crazy stuff. I'll tell ya.<P>--purplemag


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