Ok, I wrote last week that my husband who I betrayed is asking for bizarre sexual things which I have told him that I can not do now and took advice from those who responded to my thread on that. I am currently being treated for depression.<p><P>Things were moving along nice and hopeful with some setbacks that we discussed and "made up", the future was also looking good with plans being discussed that also sounded full of hope and happiness until one of my sinful girlfriends called lastnight while he was home. Her and I used to be close but we no longer are. That is a result of my trying to change my life.<p><P>I hung up phone with her and got intimate with him. As soon as that was done (within moments) he wanted another woman involved and why can't I please him...why do I get to do all the wild things...ect...I got very flustered ( as I did last time he brought it up )but maintained my calm but that only led him to insult me more...Since my girlfriend is also an adulterer he even said that she would be a perfect person since she is even more immoral then me. <p> He went on so long he got himself discusted and sat alone for a while. He did say he was sorry for bringing that up and also said "I am lucky he is even including me in this conversation about the things he wants to do." I responded rather coldly go cheat so I dont have to hear it anymore.<BR><p><P>After dinner we resumed a bit more friendly...but the damage was done. I was anxious for him to come home and his insults made us very distant. By the time the kids went to bed he and I were both very tired but I tried to stay awake. He just sat in bed all pissed off ..couldn't even smile or do anything. He sat that way for a while and I could feel the tension and distance. But damn, I will not initiate an encounter with that coldness present. It was so painful to sit like that yet any word it seems I say is wrong and subject to a lecture.<p><P>This morning he was still cold and told me he was dissappointed....and I said you could have been playful to which he said he is done being playful. So much for the man who said to me in no uncertian terms " I DONT HAVE TO CHANGE". He proceeded to say a few things about pleasing him...and of course the " why do you get all the fun."<p><P>Now for the problem...the reasons that led to my confession are many..I had become awful to live with, depression and guilt were eating me up, and also he had a minor fling himself last year with a single coworker....(claims they were too moral and only kissed) He told me about that earlier this year and I tried to put that in perspective for the girl had moved away. Also right before Easter this year I found 2 condoms in his winter coat to which he made up some bull**** story. With all of that my guilt compounded at the thought of losing him.<p><P><BR>So now I am in the situation of doing a 180 over night or hit the road and be insulted for every little thing. All the while knowing he will insult me if I step out of line on anything. How do I read his mind? What is he thinking? I know he is angry and confused however he is now contradicting himself. I can't stand him playing he is Mr. Morals now and how he did nothing wrong. I have taken responsibilty for what I have done and admit to my selfishness and expect the anger and I also want our marraige to succeed for I know I love this man more than anything when we get along.<p><P>I know in my heart that bringing another person into our sex life now will do even more damage. If I can not get to intimacy with him there is no way I could do what he asks.<P>Any advice will be appreciated but I can't seem to shake this feeling that my husband is being the selfish one right now. I can only do so much to make our marraige right<BR>but I can not do it alone. The back and forth is taking its toll. The insults after an intimate time make me want to be alone. He says he needs a lot of attention right now..fine I can do that and have been,,, but an insult to me...how do I get past that. I try to not hear them and he may never stop saying them. I am trying so hard to not be defensive and did well last night.<BR>

LST,<P>Does he know all of the details? Is he imagining in his head what went on with your affair? I'm only asking this because it seems to me he wants revenge but doesn't want to lose you. So the idea of threesome's and such.<P>He appears very confused and probably is. He wants you, but doesn't know how to handle the pain. He needs reassurance but doesn't trust your reassurance. My guess is that this will slowly go away. It is a love/hate thing right now. Your girl friend calling probably set some triggers off as well.<P>I am sure that you will get some good advice from people her who have been in your shoes. But understand most of what you described seems, to one setting looking at a computer screen, to be the behavior of a hurt and confused human being.<P>Now, perhaps what needs to happen is for you to set some boundaries. Perhaps you will tolerate him being angry, hurt, mad, but not comments about your sexual preferences. I don't know something like that. <P>He has a right to be mad and confused, but you should not be abused in the process, if for no other reason than it will seriously harm the recovery of the marriage.<P>Wish I could offer something better.<P>God Bless,<P>JL