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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 24
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 24 |
Why do we have to do all the work here??? He`s the one that cheated not me. I told him I want him to hurt like I`m hurting. I HATE THIS!!!!!! I HATE MY LIFE!!!! If he wants to leave let him I~m driving him right in her arms.... I WONDER IF SHE WOULD EVEN TAKE HIM BACK!!!! She was strung along just like I was.... I HATE WHAT HE DID TO US!!!!! I~M SO MAD... THANKS FOR BEING HERE...
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 60
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 60 |
It is NOT FAIR and I get so POd too Torn Heart...<P>Why do we do it?<P>For me...<BR>1. I love her<BR>2. I love our children<BR>3. I understand what brought us "here"<BR>4. I have faith in Dr. Harley's ideas<BR>5. I focus on ME alot, I'll grow from this<P>The point is, you do it until you simply can't anymore. When you feel so bad that your love bank is empty for you H, it's time to move on... Move on to Plan B or simply move on with your life... only you can decide. <P>You simply do what you think you can bare and then make a decision, it's time for ME now.<P>Hang in there ok?
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Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 300
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Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 300 |
Hi Torn Heart. Believe me, I know none of this is fair. I really don't have any profound advice except be true to yourself. You can not control what he is doing, but you can control how you act and react to what is happening. If you get a chance, read Surviving the Affair. I found it very helpful, maybe you will too.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome. <BR>Viki
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 60
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 60 |
OMG, I just read your profile TH... I found out the truth about my wife's 3 year affair on Sat Aug 14th... We really are in the same boat.<P>I found out about my wife's 2 years ago but "bought it" when she said it was non sexual and over... she continued it all this time and last Sat told me, she wants to leave.<P>WOW...
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 426
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 426 |
We are all in the same boat, my wife has been in a 3 year affair also and she is finally stopping by divorcing me. I guess it still is an affair though because he is still married..... all this to make two people happy.
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 60
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 60 |
I'm so sorry mkn... I know your feelings all too well. I have two teenage sons here. My wife is "waiting" until they're grown to leave so she says, 3 more years on the youngest...<P>I don't think I'll make it that long. Have to hit critical mass sometime before then and in keeping with THs original post here, having me live this lie for our boys for another 3 years, IS NOT FAIR and I can't and won't do it. Whew feels good to vent when I'm trying so hard to be Mr Perfect to her.<P>Hang in there.<BR>
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 426
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 426 |
TexasMan<BR>Believe me, if she is still in the affair there is no way you can be perfect. The way she is thinking right now is that you are the enemy, the one keeping her from her hapiness. Ask me how I know this...... been there done that, got the T-shirt.
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Joined: May 1999
Posts: 1,965
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Joined: May 1999
Posts: 1,965 |
You are not to blame for the affair. (although you must examine if you share in the vunerability to it) You were betrayed. You have every right to be angry and to walk if you want to.<P>Fair or not, you are accountable for the rest of your life, even if you do not deserve the blame.<P>That's why we go on best we can.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13
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