I'm shaking as I type this, everything for me the past couple of days have beengoing so well, while my wife has been in California. Over Memorial Day weekend my wife was gone. She had a class on thursday and friday before in a town that she has family in. She told me she was staying there over the weekend to have some time to herself and be with her cousins. I thought thats strange but ok. <P>Well today I am going through the bank statement and I find that she got home Saturday and was staying in a Ramada in all weekend not 10 miles from our house. she did not come home until Monday at 9:00 pm.<P>I am feeling rage right now and I'm so glad she is not around for me to go off on her. But the other part of me wishes she were here.<P>GOD HELP ME LET THIS GO!!!!!!!! PLEASE.

Homer<P>Take a deep breath or two. I have been following most of your posts and you situation is similar to mine in some ways. You were told this was going to be a roller coaster ride and in my experience there are a lot more downs than ups in the beginning. Plan A does not happen overnight and love busting makes it much worse. You have chosen for you and your wife to come together and move forward in your marriage. You should remember that as your goal and don't let anything interfere with that. Each time you see a LB or conflict coming, stop and think about it long enough for you to control the situation.<P>Remember the goal and plan how not to LB, how not to have uncontrolled conflict, and how to Plan A the best way possible. Understand that there will be times that you will find out things that will make you mad and think about how you can use every situation to your advantage. Instead of being polar on a subject that may involve LBing or conflict, stay in the middle and don't give her a chance to become adversarial.<P>Take a deep breath and think beyond the negative and try to turn it into positive. You won't do it every time, you will be able to do it most of the time.<P>Remember the goal and get what you want!!! It will take time and it you will have a lot of down times. Knowing that should make it a little easier to deal with it since you should expect it.<P>Love and Prayers for you and Your Family!!<P>J W

Okay Homer,<P>You're at a natural point in your process where you are sorting through just what your wife has been up to. This is completley justifiable and human. Some call it snooping, I call it gathering information. You are now in a better position than ever because you have more infomation. Memorial Day was almost a month ago. It's gone, there is nothing you can do about it. Just be careful, what you will find will cut you to the bone. Be sure you can handle it.<P>I made mistakes when I found evidence. I would drive to my H's office with the phone bill in hand, throw it on his desk and demand an explanation. Homer, don't do what I did. Make copies, keep things you find in a safe place. You may need this stuff someday (I pray you don't). All I did was show my H a side of myself that I don't even like. It's so hard when you find stuff, makes you physically sick. It's almost impossible to look the betrayer in the face after you find evidence, but just take it in. Be a little smug. You know something she doesn't know. That's power. That's knowledge.<P>If you have to don't answer the phone while your wife is gone. You don't need to talk to her right now. You are too mad. Do something you like to do Homer. Go out with a few buddies and enjoy yourself, Lord knows you have earned a bit of relaxation.<P>allison<P>

Homer,<P>I know this hurts. I am so so sorry! <P>(((((((((HOMER))))))))))))<P>You have come to far for this to build up. I know this hurts. I havent been in your shoes. But Im sure it goes to the bone.<P>I was thinking last night about how strong you are. You just keep that chin up. You are a good exampl for people on this board. <BR>NOW KEEP THAT EXAMPLE!!! just kidding. Im just trying to make you laugh. <P>BREATH!!!!!!<BR>Pray!!!<BR>Pray for God to give you the strength. You need to look at my other thread temptation.<BR> Click on that and listen to David Jeremiah. This sermon will help you feel better. The titles of the are "When the heat is turned up" And "When the wrong thing seems right"<BR>Prayers to you Homer<BR>Renee<P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!<p>[This message has been edited by inamess (edited June 28, 2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by homer:<BR><B>Well today I am going through the bank statement and I find that she got home Saturday and was staying in a Ramada in all weekend not 10 miles from our house. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Keep perspective here. She's been fooling around and lying. You already knew that. Don't let this screw up your chances. She says she is away thinking...keep cool until you hear what she has to say. Once she gives you an answer, either way...this piece of info won't matter, will it?<P>I'm sorry for your pain, buddy. But keep you eye on the ball. It is an important time now.<P>Mike<P>

Homer, <BR>They are all on target.... this is unfortunately just the beginning. Who your wife is right now is nothing of the person she was where you are concerned. You will probably have to listen to her with a sceptical ear for a while, she is trying to maintain two separate lives right now. It is a hard balance between patience and putting your head in the sand but be patient and try to act strong around her. Don't act like you are checking up on her, she will be further "smothered" and will just add more justification that she has made the correct decision in having this affair. If you can, get your eyes off her and what she is doing...<BR>This is soooo hard, good luck....<P>the other Mike

Thanks for the replies, I've cooled down a ton since then. I've been able to get through it w/o letting her know I know.

Hey Homer,<P>One more victory for you!!!<P>You're winning small battles every day. Keep up the good work.<P>allison

Homer,<BR>Believe it or not there will come a time when you will be telling some unfortunate person that has landed on this site how to get thru this. You will by then have gained additional strength and self confidence. It is hard to fathom when you are in the beginning pain of the whole ordeal. Just keep in mind the "nature of this beast" that you W is not doing anything new and these people can help you thru it because they have been where you are...<BR>Hang in there, the biggest thing is that you will survive this no matter what....<BR>mkn