I noticed on the post about being perfect you mentioned some of your faults were anger and control? Were these a big deal to your H before the affair, or did you hear more about them from him after affair began? I was thinking today, I had no idea I was such a bad wife until H told me when he wanted out. He always told me what a good wife I was before. One of his issues after discovery was he had no control and no life of his own. Not to mention feeling trapped, bossed, etc., etc., etc. All things he had never mentioned before.<P>Thanks<BR>AD

My H tells me I am and have been a great wife. But he feels I'm controlling. Since he is military, he has always traveled a lot, including 7 months in Desert Storm. I see what he calls controlling as "managing" & "survival", I've been fearful and insecure and do my best to do what I can to make my world safe.<P>He's also never seen a problem with his having female friends. He now knows why I've fought against that all these years.<P>The anger...I think also stems from having to handle so much on my own. Which of course with 6 separations in the past year and a half hasn't got any better. Oddly enough I'd become less angry and was feeling real contentment the 2-3 years before the affair. I was content, he was spiraling into a deep depression.<P>A lot of the control issues have come out since the affair, but it has been an issue off and on throughout our marriage. I see his behavior with the affair and continually moving out as very controlling. But he can't see that.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>