This will be my last post on this page for a while. I have decided it is time to start focusing on me. I can't save this marriage alone so I need to start taking care of myself.<P>This weekend was horrible. H went out on Friday night. I waited up for him to get home because I wanted to have some fun with him. I waited until two in the morning and I was so worried. I just knew he wasn't going to come home. So I jumped in the tub. At 2:30 the phone rang. It was his mom letting me know that he had called to say he was drinking and didn't think he should drive so he would see me in the morning. I said why didn't he call me. She said he told her he couldn't because it was long distance. Well the first thing his mom thought and I thought was that he was with her. So when he called her back she third partied me in and I told him I would come get him. He got pissed and said Thanks I said for what and he said for trusting me.... So he ended up coming home. I don't know what to do anymore. I am at a loss. I don't know how he can expect me to trust him after all that has gone on. I have no clue if he is being honest about where he was and who he was with. Then he gets mad at me because I don't know what to trust.<P>We tried to talk things out but he just ends up getting even more angry with me.<P>So for now I am just going to back off and see where it goes.<P><P>------------------<BR>Jaded Heart<BR>____________<P> <A HREF="http://journeys.webprovider.com" TARGET=_blank>http://reflect.to/journeys</A> <P> <BR>

Jaded Heart,<P>I really feel like a broken record but I think you are right to back off. I would suggest that you throw a little funk into the game. <P>Whatever he would expect for you to do, say, offer, anything like that do the opposite.<P>For example... In regards to the incident this weekend, he probally expected you to say that you would come and get him, that is why he called his mom. Whether he is with the OP or not is nothing you can really do anything about becaue in a situation like this your are really damned if you do and damned if you don't.<P>So this is my advice if you would like to have it.<P>Let him do what he wants, afterall he's going to anyway and if he doesn't and you get what you want so to speak he'll make you pay for it in the long run.<P>If he says he's going out say ok, have fun.<BR>If he says he's not coming home, say ok.<BR>If he doesn't come home, don't call or look for him, or ask any questions at all when he comes home or calls. Just wait for him to make an excuse it will come in time, if nothing else to see what your reaction is, then just say oh well I wondered. <P>It is crucial that you put on the face of not being bothered by it in any way. As if he had stopped by the store on the way home and was just a few minutes late.<P>It will be hard but believe me it is well worth it. You see what will happen is that he will begin to wonder what the change is in you and he will become very curious.<P>So many times we have to come to the point in this ordeal where they have hurt us so bad that we really don't care all that much anymore because we are so worn out. Usually that is when they start coming around. So if you can just be strong and pull this off it is highly possible that you can turn this around for yourself before he drives you beyond the point of no return.<P>Concentrating on yourself is an excellent idea, go out with friends, get a hobby, take a class anything to get yourself out of the house so that he will begin to wonder about your doings. You must be strong and turn the tables in your favor.<P>But keep posting, draw strength from us here because you will need it. Once you make a good stand for yourself and he starts noticing that something is different you will see some things that you hadn't seen before and it will help you stay motivated but you must motivate yourself until then. And be careful not to loose your credibility in the process.<P>You can do it.<BR>Genie

Thank you so much Genie. I am at the point now where I don't care because I am so worn out. I will just do my things and see if he will come around.<BR>Stacy T <P>------------------<BR>Jaded Heart<BR>____________<P> <A HREF="http://journeys.webprovider.com" TARGET=_blank>http://reflect.to/journeys</A> <P> <BR>

Jadedheart, I just want to confirm what genie just said. I t worked with me as well. <BR>Many times H was completely confused by me acted the opposite of what he was expecting me to, but for that same reason he was always curious to see what was coming next <P>As genie said before, it breaks a pattern and that might help to start fresh.<P>Regarding the trust, well as I said before it takes time, it will have to change a bit, but it will come back. Give it some time.<P>Take care<BR>Kat<P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

Hi Stacy,<P>I guess you and I can hold hands and skip down the beach somewhere... then we can ride the waves and eat lobster... maybe then our H's could do us the favor of trying to save these marriages with us. <P>In the meantime, wouldn't it be nice to just get away?<P>~Sheryl<P>------------------<BR>The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.<BR>-Carl Rogers<P>

Thanks for the responses. I am feeling much better today. I am going to really get into making things right for me and the kids.<P>Kat1: Thanks...I know that the trust will take time and I think eventually he will too.<P>Sheryl: The vacation sounds great!<P>