Sheeba,<P>I have to ask, how are you and your H staying friendly while dealing with Lawyers? I haven't heard from H since I served him and I'm afraid to contact him because I have no idea what he's thinking. He was the one who wanted this though.<P>If it's not too personal, you mentionned you got a shark of a lawyer...does your H think that what you're asking for is unreasonable? How do you manage??<P>Thanks

Hi Alice -<P>Wow that's a good question!!! I guess the answer involves a combination of factors. This is from my own point of view of course and what I say about what I think helps him is pure speculation.<P>I don't know how much of my story you've read, if you need to - refer to "Chris, Let me Pick your Brain" thread that's back a week or so. That gives a lot of background as to the marriage problems - the affair problems - well they're all over the place on here!!<P>I think it starts with how I am. I am sort of the fix-it : don't run away or ignore it type. I hate dissention!! Always have!! I won't eat, sleep, etc. until a problem or matter or situation is settled. I look at all sides of everything and get to the heart of the issue - at least I try to!!!<P>I have been in this for a very long time, so don't be disillusioned that I've been like this all along. For quite a while H and I lived in the same house but didn't occupy the same dimension!! We went through most of what everyone else has - except no big fights, etc. Just me trying to get something out in the open from him.<P>I completely relate to your saying that you haven't contacted your H because you don't know what he's thinking. But you know what I came to realize that He is not the only person in this relationship and that I can have something to say also!! It doesn't have to hinge on every morsel that he decided to give me!!<P>I'm curious as to why you filed if he was the one who wanted this??<P>Another factor for me is the realization that he is the one who is having the problems with dealing with life's ups and downs. He chose to blame others and run when he should have stayed and worked on things. Just because that was his choice I was not going to let him bully me by his actions and words into taking his way out. I have acted the same way since the day I met him - deal with things!!!! He did all he could to make me give up like he did so that he would feel better. My response - Love cannot be turned on and off or dropped whenever it suits you!! I love him, regardless!!!<P>We are all human and we all make mistakes. Life is about loving, learning and growing and mistakes help us with that.<P>Maybe because of all these factors I can bear the pain better and not take all he's done so personally. These and of course, discovering that infidelity has a pattern to it and learning to communicate more effectively.<P>As far as the Lawyers, I made it very clear to H that this part is all in his lap - I am just along for the ride and he's driving. I will not participate in something that I don't believe in.<P>He has a family background of greed and I am at this time, unable to work fulltime. Besides that fact - he just up and left me with everything and I can't do it all without financial support. He has to give it.<P>he's playing dirty pool and lied on the stand and that pushed me to get the shark lady......A good example of how I separate the marriage from the new H and this nightmare and divorce is that I was very angry in court but as soon as we walked outside - I checked myself and told the H to make sure to go to the Drs and get checked cuz he was sick. Then I got in my car and ranted, raved and cried all the way home. <P>This accomplished two things.<P>No Lovebusters - showed H that I was still going to love him and be there for him.<P>Got out my frustrations in the car and got it out of my system as best I could so that anger and resentment doesn't build up further.<P>Gosh, I feel like I'm just rambling along here. I hope this helps you to understand a little - if you need further explanation just ask..<P>Hugs and Strength,<P>Sheba