At Mike's suggestion I have decided to pen a no contact letter for H to sign and for me to mail to OW.<P>Does anyone have any suggestions as to how and when to approach this with my H?<P>Please tell me what you all think of this no contact letter. I consider this a first draft and am willing to make any changes that are needed.<P>OW<P>This letter will be the last time I contact you for the rest of my life. Please do not respond to me in any form. This letter is just to make it clear to you that I do not want to ever see or hear from you again.<P>By having a relationship with you I have caused so much pain, to the people I love most in life, my wife and children. While I know moving back home can not completely repay them for what I have done, it is a start and the right thing to do. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up to my wife and children the pain I have caused them. <P>I know in my mind and heart that our relationship was a huge mistake. My wife and my children are the most important things in my life and they are my reason for living. I could not face the rest of my life without my wife by my side. She is my partner for life and I love her with all of my heart. Because I care so much for my wife and children and want to protect them from any more pain I am completly ending our relationship and never want to have any contact with you again.<P>Do not call me. Do not write to me. Do not send me any cards. Do not attempt to see me. I have promised my wife and children I would never communicate with you again after this letter. Please respect this promise and do not contact me in any way, ever again.<P>Husband

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Fingers Crossed:<BR><B>At Mike's suggestion I have decided to pen a no contact letter for H to sign and for me to mail to OW.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>My personal opinion is that your husband should draft the letter and mail it, not you. You should get to read it first, it should be sent certified mail, etc., etc., but <B>He</B> should write it. Pen to hand.<P>Bama<P>

FC, I think it's a great letter! It's very thorough and descriptive. That's exactly what your H should say. Is that what he's saying? I do agree with Bama. He should be the one writing it. I think if they're his words, and you're helping him, then it'll be effective. <P>I think you should both do the letter, together. Being the WS, I wrote my own letter and had H approve it and add what he wanted added. Then, we mailed it together.<P>I wish you the best of luck! <BR>

Fingers Crossed<BR>You have mail. <BR>I am going to think on this letter. I really belive it is important. You may have to write it together. My H had no motivation to do it by himself. Needless to say it was never written. <BR><p>[This message has been edited by wasstubborn (edited June 30, 2000).]

As a WS, I think the letter you wrote is very clear, concise and to the point. But I agree with some of the others, you and your H should write the letter together. He should sign it and mail it himself. But, you should definitely make sure it says everthing you want it to say. <P>Keep in mind, that I thought my no contact letter was clear and to the point, but yet two months later - to the day the no contact letter was delivered - the OM called me. If your husband truly wants to end this relationship with the OP, he will feel that a weight has been lifted from his shoulders, just by sending the letter. But, the most important part of no contact is making sure that after the letter is sent, your H remains focused on his goal - saving his marriage. <BR>He'll might feel that your letter is too harsh on the other person (i.e., he'll feel sorry for the OW), but trust me, your letter sounds pretty good to me. <P>But again, the most effective way of getting him to send and abide by the no contact letter is to let him develop it, and you add the stuff that needs to be added. Good luck.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Fingers Crossed:<BR><B>I consider this a first draft and am willing to make any changes that are needed.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well, it certainly conveys the theme <P>I'd echo everyone else and say that your husband needs to have as much of a role as you can get him to in the drafting of this message. You may want it to be a little less harsh and a little more personal, if only to avoid the OW thinking "his wife must have written this". Maybe even apologize to her for his indecision messing up her life, or whatever.<P>I would not hand a draft to your H. I would broach the subject to him, say it is very important to you, and then see what he says. Offer to help pen it, then you can show him this.<P>Oh, and one other thing. You may want to wait until the moving and business stuff settles out, so they don't run into each other and discuss the letter, giving him the chance to say "my wife made me" or whatever.<P>The letter should then start "Now that we have settled all the loose strings from our housing and business issues...." <P>P.S.: Another thought here. You may want to include a request that she stay away from his family as well, since that is a lever against you.<BR> <P>

your letter sounded great. She'd have to be completely out of her mind not to get the message. why did he not write the letter? It seems that he should be the one to do that and then pass it to you for final approval. That way he can't say later that it was you and not he who wrote that.