My husband agreed to the honesty policy. I suggested that he write the termination letter to the OW. He stated there was no need. (he's already terminated with her but she keeps contacting him)<P>He didn't see or talk to her for three weeks and then he saw her about a week ago. I don't believe she is going to give up that easy. I am pretty sure she thought he was leaving me and the kids for her. Evrytime I approach the subject of their contact he seems to get irritated. He says the need for the letter hasn't arisen yet(they haven't spoken since last week). Even though he has agreed to be honest, I still feel that he might not be telling me when she calls. Yesterday was his birthday, what other woman could refuse using that as an excuse to make contact? <P>my question is this: Should I just let it go and see how things between he and I progress or should I ask again and risk him getting angry with me for not beleiving him?

I'd say let it go until and unless there is some concrete evidence that you can confront. You will end up looking like a nag and you are both trying to build your trust. He won't feel comfortable if you are always questioning him. I'm not suggesting that you are wrong. I'd probably feel the same way, but you have to accentuate the positive now. You have the man, now what are you going to do with him? Might as well be happy.

cleopatra,<BR>I'm in very close situation about phone calls from the OW. The difference is my H has not agreed w/honesty rule. So I snooped and asked the questions. Turned into a big LB. He's mad and talking about moving out. So I'd say let it go. When the OW calls, does he go deep into withdrawal? Or doesn't it affect him very much? Is he really willing to work things out? Those thinges might affect what you want to do. Plan A is lot easier while he's willing to work, and while he's around you. Now I really know that as a fact. Good luck, I'll pray for you.

Hi, Cleo!<P>I let it go. PT works with Robert and if you've been around much you know that she contacts him from time to time (now, I must be fair, that's down from 12 times a DAY!!!)<P>Ditto here - he "talked" to her and didn't feel the need for a "no contact" letter. She also managed to weasel in his brain the first couple of weeks and caused us some problems. I just rolled with the flow.<P>Didn't take all that long....HE got tired of her badgering! Started not answering her calls, avoiding her at work, NEVER returning her phone calls...And, get this....I haven't even posted this one. I haven't really mentioned her in months (well, I DID ask him to tell me if he talked with her...he didn't at first, then started telling me all the time - seemed to make a difference when it was HIS idea to tell me, know what I mean?), and he comes home and tells me he went to his supervisor and ASKED FOR A TRANSFER!!!!

Hi Cleo!<P>I let it go. If you've read at all around here, you know that PT contacts Robert from time to time (although that's certainly down from 12 times a day!! - they work together.)<P>It was miserable at first, but I didn't say anything....and, yes, for a couple of weeks, she "got to" him and he doubted his decision. But.....Plan A won!! Soon HE was ignoring her calls (thank you caller-id) and not returning a single one! AND avoiding her at work....ALL ON HIS OWN!!! That means more to me, know what I mean?<P>Oh, and I haven't even POSTED this! Three days ago, he came home and told me he had asked for a TRANSFER!!! I haven't mentioned THAT since he said he wanted to come home!!! It'll take a few weeks, but man am I happy! And he did it all by himself!!<P>I know, I know, Harley's rule, no contact. It would be best. Well, sometimes it just doesn't happen that way, but that doesn't mean you can't win - recover and recover nicely, thank you! But, you know, SHE'S not your competition....and it sure does mean a lot when they do all this on their own without conditions from us....then we KNOW that we've got things going!<P>Hang in there, Hon. Not a deal-breaker that I can see.<P>Love and prayers,<P>Lori

thanks everybody for saying the things that I needed to hear. I kind of knew that's what I should do but sometimes I feel like I'm in the middle of this craziness and I have to keep snooping and stirring things up. I know that it is a definite LB! I just keep praying that if I am supposed to know something that God will show me and I wn't have to dig it up. <P>Thank you so much, again!<BR>