Today she packed all her personal effects and left to go live with the fedex guy. He is 43, and she is 28. I have been a good, loving, patient, and forgiving husband.<P>I am so devestated........I went to my doc and got anti-depressents, tranquilizers, and anxiouty attack pills.<P>I hope they work because I feel very suicidal right now, as I live in a new town with no friends within 3 hours of here and cannot leave because of my responsibilities with pets and farm animals.<P>pleas someone post to me.........I need some type of connection to humans

I don't know how much it will help to say that this is all a normal reaction, but it is. I am the last person on earth you'd ever think would entertain a suicidal thought, but I swear if I didn't have a daughter to discover my dead body, I wouldn't be sitting here today. I was wracked with pain, wanted out, and didn't see any hope, but you know what? It does pass. I promise you. You are going to have awful days, but they won't last forever. <P>Two months ago, I could not have imagined that today I'd be happy, feeling so alive and feeling like I am in control of my destiny. It just wasn't a vision I could muster. To think I might not be here today if I hadn't the courage to just keep breathing and enduring! What a waste that would have been. And it would be for you too. <P>I know it hurts, but you will live through this. You will have many happy days. There are people who love you and care about you who would be devastated by your passing. Please don't think that way. You're here now and we will take care of you.

Please take care of yourself! You are a worthy human being despite what she has done! Her affair is based on deceit and cannot last. Please try to connect with family or friends right now.

I'm here. I care.<P>You're going to make it through this.<P>E-mail me at hbc@tough.com if you want to "talk". <P>Hang in there. --HBC

I know your pain.. I constantly thought about killing myself.. My H was my world and I really couldn't live without him.. I don't have many people I know here either..<BR>At the end the reason I didn't do it was because of my cat.. If I die nobody would take care of him.. so I had to find a new home for him but I don't know many people here so didn't know what to do..<BR>Meanwhile I started seeing a therapist and I cried every session.. I couldn't believe my H could do this to me..<P>All of this happened this year, a couple of months ago, and I'm still here today. Right now I know you can't see the future(you can't even imagine, I think), but you can go through this. People here wants to help you so please hang in there!!!<BR>Please post as many as possible so we can help.<P>MF

You are worth more than this! You really are. I know exactly how you are feeling, hence my pen name. But, I promise you will have better days! <P>I posted here on the day that I was at my lowest and said it was over for me and I was feeling suicidal. So much hope was given me and I want to share that with you. Today, I am so glad that those suicidal thoughts aren't in my mind anymore. One day you will be able to say that too. You really will. I am so sorry for your pain. It is unreal, I know. People here really do care. <P>It hurts so much. I know. But, listen to me! It does get better! It will get better for you. You have hope and you have a future. Please write back to us. We are here.

Post again and let us know how you're doing.<P>I know this hurts. You can make it. This is NOT your fault. Hang in there.<P>--HBC

With your W moving out it may feel like it is too late,but there are many of us here who can tell you that that is not necessarily true.It just puts the nature of your struggle in a different light,that's all.Now W's fantasy world will be thrust into the light of the reality of living with her lover.It will not ALL be a bed of roses,no relationship is.The fantasy can now start to diminish as she lives with all that he truly is.Now is NOT the time to give up hope but become steadfast in your plan A attempts. Hurry now and get the book SAA! Order it directly from this website. Whatever you do, do not beg and cry and plead with her to return.Calmly tell her how much you love her,how you realize the part you have played in the demise of your marriage and that you are on a new path to become the best husband you could possibly ever be.No matter what,what you learn from SAA will make you a better,stronger person,whether that ends up being for your current wife or someone else.That decision is ultimately her choice,you can only change yourself to make you the more attractive choice.You must constantly remind yourself that you cannot control what she does,you can only control you and SAA can give you the tools to control yourself in a manner that will be most enticing to your wayward W and win her back.<P>We're here,although the holiday weekends can be dismally slow. Just keep posting and posting and the comraderie you will find here will help to pull you through this most difficult time. Hang in there,this is definitely not the end,unless you make it so. God bless you and keep posting!

I am so very sorry you have to feel this kind of pain. Thank God you found this web site. There are so many wonderful people here that will not only be great at giving their advice from their experiences but they will let you vent all that pain out on here!<P>Inifidelity will go on forever. It makes me sad. I lost a friend and faith in my H. Double the pain is ahrd but if I can make it so can you.<P>Since I lost a brother to suicide when he was just 23 I didn't think of killing myself. But I did wish a great big semi would plow in to me and fatally cure my pain.<P>Now it is 13 months after I found out. H and I are doing fine but I still have much hurt towards someone who can pretend to be a great friend and get in the sack with something that doesn't belong to her and never will!<P>Look inside yourself for some happiness. It is there. Get out and walk or go to the gym and let your anger and pain out in a way that won't hurt anyone-especially you!<P>I will pray for you!<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>

I know how you feel. The people here are wonderful and very helpful. Keep posting. Everyone is going through similiar situations or have gone through them. Let the people here help you.<P>I felt the same way you did but I knew that my sisters and my children would hurt very badly if I did hurt myself that way.<P>Keep posting and keep reading the informatio on this site, I promise it will help you a great deal.

10021997<P>I am so sorry for you. I understand your pain. There is nothing prepares you for what this does to you emotionally and physically. Although it may seem like it, this is not the end of your world. No matter what happens, you will heal, become whole again, and start to live again. <P>Tom<P>

10021997:<P>When my husband began his affair in November 1998 and then left me two weeks later, the pain was so intense, I couldn't breathe. I too, was a devoted spouse, and never expected him to surprise me like he did for no reason, and out of the blue. I remember thinking that if I could just end my life I wouldn't have to feel this excruciating pain anymore. The love of my life, my once in a lifetime betrayed me and left me ... for nothing. For no reason.<P>I cried all the time, I asked God how He could allow this to happen to our family, I couldn't believe the added gross insult of finding out that this OW was pregnant with my beloved husband's child when I cannot conceive. The unimaginable pain was overwhelming.<P>That was then, this is now. Amazing as it all seems, he came home, we are in recovery despite the horrible outcome and fallout from his three weekend fling that produced a child last August.<P>Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. <P>I couldn't kill myself then because, what if he would have come home, come back to me? Then I would have killed myself for nothing. <BR>What if I killed myself and somehow everything would have been resolved in time if I would have just hung in there a little longer. Just think of what I would have missed out on. <BR>I would have missed out on my husband's deep and abiding new love and appreciation for me. I would have missed out on this last 12 months of recovery with him. I would have missed out on so much.<P>Everything does change and get better if you stay with it long wnough and allow yourself to go through the pain and learn and grow. Come here and post often. Tell us of what you are going through and learn the prinicples of this forum of Dr. Harley's that have saved so many individuals and so many marriages. Miracles do happen here.<P>We are all here for you. You are not alone as long as you come here...twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, you will always find someone here to walk you through your pain and anger and help you to deal with your issues and find solutions. Everyone here has been through this themselves and can offer support and guidance and friendship.<P>God bless. You came to the right place at the right time. You found this forum for a reason. You were brought here by Divine Providence. Now use the tools you were given to survive to come out of this and read all of Harley's material on Plan A and Plan B and all the other principles to hopefully restore your marriage with time.<P>Catnip =^^=<BR>

There are lots here who have thought of suicide, me included, but many of them are now in restored relationships, me included. <BR>Someone will be here most of the time, come and tell us how you're doing. I for one will check about hourly for a while tonight and early tomorrow, I'm sure others will too.<P>I know this hurts like H*ll, but it is not the final chapter, there is a lot more in the book of your life.<P>Realize that it will take a while for those meds to kick in, you are going to have to be tough for a while.<P>Take care.

I checked again, am sure others have too.<BR>Let us know how you're doing.

<BR>If there is one thing I know it is that the the nature of the human spirit is positive. We may be hurt...it will hurt like h**l for awhile....then some divine hand seems to reach down and touch us...and we begin to see slivers of hope in the middle of the madness...let your truth nature take over now...all this will past and you will go on.<BR>Don't let this sadness mark the end of your struggle...get up and stuggle again...someday it will have been worth the effort.<P>Come here, share with us and maybe together we can help each other to heal.<P>Buffy

10021997,<P>You have came to the right place to find all the friends that you need.<P>I can tell you there is hope. I am a betrayer myself. I am now hanging on to this marriage. <P>First of all, Seek God. You could never imagine how he can ease the pain when he is asked. Just tell him to help take the pain away and open doors for you. Right now is the best time to grow with God. He gives us all kinds of promises. One is I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHICH STRENGTHENS ME!!<P>As I said I am a betrayer. So there is hope. You may also want to talk to Sifted Like Wheat. She is a wonderful person for insight.<P>Prayers <BR>Renee<BR><P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!