My wife and best friend for 28yrs has had a PA with a so called friend of mine in the same village, I confronted her and she admited it it did not really finish until 1 week later and i'm not certian that she finished it, she tell me that she not longer cares for him and actually i do believe her NOW, that after i unfortunatly thumped him.<BR>We are trying to rebuild and she says she loves me and is sorry that it has taken the A for her to realise this. I have been plan A'ing since Dday although with some love breakers creeping in she has told me a lot about the affair but i fear not all, some of it was not quite correct and i later discovered this ouch!!! <BR>She is finding it hard to relate to me emotionally, but not neccessarly sexually, she swears that sex with me is much better and during the 3 months of the affair only refused me once that when the OM asked her not to, she now feels VERY USED by him, he has stayed with his wife and I drive past their house everyday.<BR>Why is my wife finding hard to give me the emotional affection I need? its killing me inside, she cannot even look at me when i kiss her HELP! PS Until this A my wife had only had one sexual partner me and she ismy only sexual partner, maybe that why bit hurts so much.<p>[This message has been edited by loveforlife (edited July 04, 2000).]

My H and I used to be best friends. We talked about everything from business, to fantasy, to religion, to just everything. All personal matters were safe topics because we had trust and regard for each other's feelings. Now, since the affairs, we talk about nothing but superficial things. Safe topics that won't inflame anyone. <P>He was talking to him OW about our lives, his fears, our situation, everything. And as he trusted them more and more, he withdrew from me emotionally. I believe it is because how could he share anything with me that mattered without revealing what he'd been doing? How could he tell me how he was betraying me and what they spoke about without hurting me? <P>Reconciliation puts the betrayed in a strange place of having nowhere to turn. They aren't with the OW and they can't trust the spouse because there is too much hurt between them, too many lies. <P>I think the betrayed's job is to make it safe for them to feel. And I mean feel everything. Feel the withdrawal from the OP, feel the pain of losing someone they cared about, feel the relief of having a second chance, and feel the love of the spouse that was always there. When it is safe again, I believe she will begin to relate to you on an emotional level. <P>Since you are still intimate, I think that is a really good sign. Women generally don't go there unless there is some sort of connection, so you have something to build on.<P>