I need some advice, my H and I had another fight last night and this morning as well. I am very upset right now and I don't want to go home and make things worse then they are. <BR>Things have been improving with us, but we always seem to fall back into this rut. <BR>We were discussing my oldest daughters plans for the summer, and his parents plans to come get her etc, His mother wants to take my youngest (4) camping as well but she doesn't want to go, she only sees them at xmas time for a few days and barely knows them. I told my H that I am not going to force her to do something she doesn't want to, I will not do that to my children. He even tried to guilt her into going, he told her that she will make grandma cry if you don't go. I was so angry! His mother has always tried pulling guilt trips on him, myself and my kids and it has caused a lot of conflict between them and between us, he hates it when his mother does it and here he is doing it to his 4 yr old daughter!! <BR>So I did get very upset at this and did carry on about it, I do have a habit of interrupting him and carrying on and I am trying very hard to stop.I did apologize to him. When I interrupted him last night he freaked! He started yelling at me "Just shut your FU**** mouth, can't you just shut the F*** up, I am sick of hearing your voice!". I apologized for interrupting. After I told him "I deserve to be talked to with respect and that no matter how mad I get at you I never ever would tell you to SHUT YOUR F**** MOUTH.. I also told him that he should think about what he is saying before it is too late to take it back. I ended up going to sleep with my duaghter b/c I was so upset about the things he said and that he saw no problem with it.<BR>So this morning I thought that he would at least apologize for talking to me like that. He was still angry with me, I asked him one thing - if his parents are picking my oldest up on Monday so I can make plans for daycare, he flipped and he started yelling at me again. I told him to stop yelling, he then said I am not yelling (at the top of his voice) I told him to lower his voice, he said I am talking loud but not in a yelling tone (which was not true). He then told me he is sick of talking to me. Of course this is all said in front of my 4 year old daughter standing right there. <BR>I tried very hard to hold back the tears, but it didn't work. I am getting so tired of this and I try to point that talking with disrespect is wrong but he just turns everything back on me. This is going to bother me now all day, he just wants to drop it and forget anything happened, just like he does with everything. It's the way his mother deals with any conflict they ever had and I can see why he is that way, but I don't feel like I can put up with that kind of verbal abuse from him and just drop it as if it never happened. How do I get this across to him without having him blow another gasket. How do you get a person to see how much their words can hurt?He was really improving on his anger and he just seems to keep falling back there. I don't know, I am starting to wonder what the hell I am doing in this kind of relationship. I often ask myself why am I staying with someone who gives me so much grief, is it really worth all the pain he has put me through? I see my friends husbands and see how much they love to be with their family and their wives, how they don't raise their voices to them and how they talk to them as their friend and with respect. I feel that I have lost a lot of respect for my H b/c of the way he has treated me with his verbal abuse that I don't know if I can get past it especially since he doesn't even see it as a problem. <P><BR>

Fed up,<P>I am not excusing your H's choice of words. But lets back off just a bit. First, you know that interrupting him when he speaks drives him crazy, yet you do it. Isn't that verbal abuse? <P>You have interpretted what he did as verbal abuse, and correctly so in my opinion. But I will tell you that what you do and did is also. Especially when you know it really bothers him and you continue to do it. <P>I know you have covered this under the disguise of talking about the D going with Grandma, but it is just the same no matter the topic.<P>Step back and think. If I knew you were ticklish and I tickle you constantly, am I abusing you? Even if I leave no marks and there is no "real" pain, isn't abuse? I know you don't like it and you can't stand it but I do it anyway.<P>Do you see my point here? What seems no problem to you, interrupting him, is a big problem to him. That is very obvious. <BR>Frankly, I would be a big problem to me. If someone asks me something, I expect (no demand) that they have the decency to listen to the answer they asked for without interrupting me.<P>So you know your H has difficulties with anger. You know he is working on this issues for you and his family. You know he hates to be interupted, and you have a habit of doing it. You know he will get mad when you do it.<BR>You know that you don't like him to get mad at you.<P>So why do you do it? My guess is you do it because you are mad that he doesn't agree with you, and you know that you can get to him. You did? Congratulations, you win, he looks like a out of control fool.<P>He knows he has been manipulated, and he knows he really lost it and said things he didn't mean. Does he apologize although he is mad he was manipulated? That is hard to do, but apologizing for being out of control seems to mean he is apologizing for the former as well.<P>So if you want an apology, why don't you apologize for trying and succeeding in getting to him. My guess you will get the apology that you want as well.<P>I apologize if I seemed abrupt, it was not my intention. But I can see two sides to this coin, and I think you can as well. So do you want to win, or do you want to be happy? <P>God Bless,<P>JL