Here's mine ...<P>When I got home from work my husband and kids were at the soccer field. I went to watch for awhile before running errands. Well, he completely ignored me and made a point of standing on the field “coaching” the kids (he’s not a coach – just an active parent). I have to backtrack here and say that he had lost my set of keys to his car about a month ago and I have continually asked him to have another set made. He never seems to find the time to do it, so tonight I said I was going to the local hardware store and since he was going to be at the field for a couple of hours, I could take his keys and have another set made. He refused, over and over again. I insisted he give me the keys and he was adamantly saying no. It was like I went into panic mode – I kept thinking there’s something he’s hiding and that he doesn’t want me near that car. Finally he flatly refused and wouldn’t talk/look at me again. I stormed off, but not before telling him that the car is in my name and I can get a locksmith if I have to. <P>I feel like I’m going crazy – what am I going to do? I’m scared to death - rather than forging ahead in my plan of doing everything positive, I managed to make myself look like a deranged fishwife and to top it off, now I don’t trust him and am thinking all sorts of things I wasn’t thinking before. <BR>

Hi SALP,<P>Ok, he acted like an idiot. Betrayers are good at that (sorry betrayers). I'm sure you were not quite as out of control as you think you were. Anyone would be upset under the same circumstances. You did fine.<P>Yep, there is probably a reason he didn't want you in the car. Sorry, but you know...when it seems to be a certain way it usually is. I don't know your story...is he seeing someone outside of the marriage? Do you suspect or know this? Any evidence?<P>I'm not trying to add to your pain here, just want you to really look at this. I hope to God that it is not an OW situation. Please keep posting and keep us updated.<P>allison<BR>

allp, slow down and take a deep breath!!!<P>It is wonderful that you found this site when you did. I wish I had known about it a few years ago..... <P>I've learned so much here about meeting needs. At first I thought the concept of the love bank was really hokey..but I have really bought into it. <P>If you want to save your marraige you must plan a plan a plan a.....<P>To do this you really have to avoid withdrawing deposits from his love bank...that would be LB's...like acting like a fishwife.... (no offense here..I've done it too)<P>It seems to me that your h is a conflict avoider.... unfortunately this type tends to wait until the very last moment if ever to say anything...and they tend to marry the type who gets in their faces...which they love in the beginning and then.....suddenly..they don't like it anymore.<P>I know in a previous post responses alerted you to be suspicious of the red flags....<P>now you really have a few choices here...you can try to get him to talk...which he seems to not want to do..<P> or you can do the best plan A you can do and have him feel about you the way you want him to!!<P>All of the harley books..SAA and his needs her needs, and love busters are great as resources!!!

If you bought the car new, you can call or go to the new car dealership where you bought the car and have them make a key for it. Or, you may be able to find the "key code" on your original papers. If you don't know what dealership originally sold the car, try calling the motor company that made the car, give them the serial number and ask for the key codes. Once you have the key code, you should be able to have a set of keys made at any new car dealership which sells that make of car.

tootrusting - I don't know if this is the right place to respond but what you said about conflict avoiders described my husband to a t!! Any information or insight into this would be greatly appreciated.<BR>sayalittle prayer- I may be new at this but the one thing that has gotten me anywhere is to not be confrontational even if on the inside I was screaming. I think you loose a lot of ground that way<BR> Kris