Several weeks ago my W was in England on vacation. She had said that she was not going to make any decisions until she got back. After she had been back for about a week she called me. The main thing she said was that she had renewed the lease on her apartment for another six months. But, most of the conversation was her giving me reasons why she couldn't come back. I tried to reassure her that other people have recovered, but she got upset w/me and said that we are not other people. The feeling I got from the conversation was that she was ready to file for divorce, and I told her that if she wanted to get divorced, I wouldn't stand in her way.<P>Since then she has been much friendlier toward me, and less judgmental. We are planning our son's 2nd b-day party and she has called me on several occasions for small b-day things and we have chatted about non-birthday related things. For the Fourth she came over to the house for the annual neigorhood block party. She was very nervous about it because she was unsure about how she would be treated. As it turned out, she had a good time and had good talks with several of the neighbors. That was monday night, on Tuesday, she invited me to her folks for a barbeque, something she had previously said she wouldn't do. We went and had a nice time. We had a couple of good conversations in the car to and from without either of us getting angry or defensive.<P>This morning she called me at work. Her first question was did I think that we were still separated because of MM. Her second question was did I think it was possible for us to get back together.<P>To her first question all I could say was that the reason we separated in the first place was because of her ongoing affair, but, that currently I didn't know. To her second question I said yes, but, that it would take a lot of work from both of us, and that I would do everything I could to make her comfortable w/me again. We talked about how things were when we were first together and she said, "That's why I haven't done anything yet."<P>The bottom line is she still can't decide what to do. I don't think there is anything between her and MM anymore (maybe). Except the fact that she is pregnant, big sticking point for her.<P>Back when the affair was still ongoing, I used to tell her that I was making decisions based on her actions, not on her words. Now, her actions and words still don't quite match, but in the other direction, and except for continuing plan a, I'm not sure what to think. Any ideas?

Beerman,<P>Is your W pregnant with the OM? I am a betrayer. It sounds to me like she still has the fog over her eyes. I am not familiar with your situation. SO I really cant give a big opinion. It does sound to me like she is still living the fog. <P>Prayers<BR>Renee<P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

Hey Beerman,<P>I don't know, it sounds pretty good to me. Yeah, I'd let her come home, and realize that the real work will start when she walks in that door. Maybe, like I was told once by Lostva, you should take a few weeks to transition, to date, talk, see if she's willing to go to counseling with you.<P>Yep, she sounds like she's still foggy, and the pregnancy will surely add a confusing dimension to all of this, but maybe, just maybe, the fog is lifting. Can you get her home and accept the way things are? Can she guarantee you that things are over with OM? Will he want to see the baby? Unfortunatley, she will now always be tied to him through the child...can you handle that?<P>Sounds like you guys have a lot of work to do yet, but hey, she's thinking hard, and you are looking pretty good to her I bet.<P>allison

Thanks for the reply's.<P>Yes, she is pregnant w/the OM's baby. Right after she found out she was pregnant, OM (who is married) moved in w/her. They lived together for about a month and then he moved into his own place. At the time he moved he called me (we all used to work at the same place) to tell me he was going to try to work on his marriage and would I be willing to adopt OC if my W and I got back together. This was the end of March.<P>Between then and her trip to England (end of May, beginning of June), she wasn't interested in doing anything with me at all. At Easter, we went to her folks house and she was upset w/me because our S wanted to be with me and not her, which is what makes the Fourth of July so unusual.<P>I think, more than anything, she feels very guilty. On more than one occasion she has asked "How can you take me back after everything I've done?".<P>I don't know if she is ready to guarantee anything re: MM yet. I don't have a problem w/OC per se, I think I can handle it if he wants to visit, supervised, of course . Last time I talked to his wife, she was absolutely against any further contact, so I don't know if he'll want to visit.<P>As far as coming home, she doesn't seem ready for that yet. One thing she is afraid of, is to come home and have it not work out, and separate again. She doesn't want to do that to our S.<P>I think, for now, I'll just have to keep trying to make her comfortable and continue w/plan a. I think her next deadline will be the delivery.<P>Thanks again,<P>Steve