It's been over 3 years since D day. I forgive my wife and tried everything to make our marriage stronger. The only problem is, my wife hasn't done anything to make the marriage better. <P>I have forgiven her, but I have given up trying to make the marriage better. The only thing that keeps me going is my three daughters that I dearly love. <P>I can't even force myself to have sex with my wife. Any sugguestions?

Big Tex -<P>Have you talked to your wife to see what's wrong? 3 yrs is a long time and I would have thought that some progress had been made. She may be depressed or still feels like the original problem hasn't been solved.<P>Try talking to her to see what's bothering her or why she still feels uncomfortable in the marriage. Also, when you listen, don't judge her or jump in. Just let her talk and open up to you. It's hard to do in the beginning, but after a few tries it gets a little easier.<P>Hope this helps!<BR> <P>Vee

If you have truly forgiven someone, there is no taking it back. Are you still mad about the same problems? Or does your anger center around *her* not changing?<P>I can identify with your situation. My H had an EA right after we got married, and boy was I MAD!!! I wanted our marriage to work, but I wanted him to pay and make it all up to me. I wanted to feel secure again. He said he was sorry and that was it. He didn't do another thing to make it any better. Life just went on as usual and I was angry. Oh, I told him and myself that I forgave him, but my feelings of being humiliated, cheated, used, and unloved were simmering below the surface. It affected everything. <P>What I realize now is that those issues were never dealt with. It seems like this might be the case for you wife too. Things HAVE TO change after something like this or what was the point of going through all the pain? The reason for the betrayal to begin with was that something was wrong. Why should you keep that "wrongness" in your lives?<P>Being nice and trying is great, but maybe the things you are doing are not the things your wife feels she needs? Talk to her, and listen. Maybe she doesn't feel the original issues have been resolved. <P>When she feels safe, talk to her. Tell her how you feel about the way things are. Try to discuss ways of making things better. She's still with you, so she must care and want your lives to be better too. You cando this... together. Believe.