Are you out there, Tamis? Just wondering if you were back yet? Haven't heard from you and wanted to see how you're doing.<P>Hope to hear from you soon!

Just checking again!

Thanks for asking! I'm back from vacation... <P>I bought "Surviving an Affair" and "Give and Take" just before we left. I had contemplating showing him the books, and reading them together, and talking about the things that have been going through my mind since my A was discovered years ago. But I chickened out, and just brought them along in a big bag full of books that we had brought for me and the kids to read on vacation. I took them both to the beach daily, and read them thoroughly, and H never questioned what book I was reading. That's how he is. I got quite a bit out of those books, they were very enlightening, especially SAA. I'm glad Schizzo recommended it. I still feel weird asking H to read that one, since he feels like everything is fine and the affair was 5 years ago- he would say that we've already 'survived' and there's no need to read about it. He doesn't read much at all anyway. <P>After we got back, I did give him the Give and Take book, and asked him to read it. He said, "Oh, I thought that was a library book." I told him "no, I bought it for us. I think its important and I really believe in these methods." He told me he'd read it, and he's read 2 chapters in a week. That's a start, especially for him, because he never reads. <P>I see us really trying, and I'm still afraid of bringing up my recent past with him. I wonder what good could possibly come of it, when things are starting to move in the right direction. I know I'm a chicken. I did read about sifted (or was it wings?) coming clean with her H, and I know it worked and she feels so much better. But I don't know, its just been such a long time in my case. <P>How are you doing Momma? I haven't seen much from you at all this past week- although I admit I haven't been here much due to catching up at work (imagine that). I hope things are going okay.

Hi Momma...how are you doing? So glad we can really "talk" now...if you know what I mean. Thanks for your message.. A lot has happened.. more later.<P><BR>TAMIS:<BR>I've been reading some of your story along the way. Did you reveal everything to your husband? I know yours happened years ago, and is very complicated, but did your husband know about the affair back then? I'm asking, because since you've been gone, several of us have shared the truth with our spouses. I was curious if your husband knew as well.<P>How was your trip? Good books you're reading. Another good one is "Torn Asunder" by Dave Carter. You may have already read it. If not, it's excellent. And "After the Affair" by Janis Abrams Spring (I think that's the author.)<P>Anyway...thanks for any suggestions or words of encouragement to those of us still in the "just told" stages of healing. <P>Wings....<P><p>[This message has been edited by wings (edited July 11, 2000).]

Well, what happened was that my affair went on for quite a while, and if my H ever suspected anything, he did not ask. He didn't question me about my 'friendship' although he was very aware of him, and when the truth was finally revealed by a mutual friend that it was an affair, he still did not want to talk about it. He told me it was never to be discussed, it made him sick. So, the result was that we never were able to really recover our marriage, it was swept under the rug, and eventually my affair reconvened (although it was more emotional, and not as frequent) for several more years. Three more horrible years later, I knew I could not go on like that any longer, and I put in for a job transfer and we moved away. I could not tell my H the real reason for wanting to move, he believed it was mostly for the salary increase, and only I knew it was to get away from OM for good. I had been doing very well these past two years, until OM called me out of the blue last month and I stupidly agreed to meet him for dinner. I know this was dumb and a big mistake that I won't make again. Anyhow, I feel that the reason I would still be drawn to OM after all this time is because H and I have never properly healed after the affair was revealed. I understand that many of you have felt better and closer to your spouse after being completely honest with them, but after all this time, it just doesn't seem right to bring it back up. It's hard.

Hi, Gals!<P>I've been lurking a little, not posting too much. Just "seeing" how everyone's doing and making comments here and there! I'm not quite as obssessed about getting online all the time! <BR> <BR>Tamis, so glad you're back! I'm sorry you didn't get your "discussion" taken care of. I hope you can get to the point where you can share all. (I was going to say confess, but share sounds better!) I know you don't want to mess up how you're doing now, but I don't want you to have that guilt eating at you, either! Maybe in due time, you can release this. I'm here for you!<P>But, did you have a good time on vaction? Hope so! <P><BR>I'm doing just fine. Nothing stressful at this time. No news is good news for me! <P><BR>Hi, Wings! Let me know how you're doing! I'm curious! <p>[This message has been edited by momma (edited July 11, 2000).]