I keep reading everyone's posts. Everyone is so positive, angry or hurt maybe, but positive.<P>Me on the otherhand.....today she told me she loved the OM and wants to marry him as soon as we are Divorced.<P>She has moved out, wont give me a number to reach her, and has completely cut me out of her life.<P>I feel I have no options left but to give up and I am so depressed. Despite the fact that I found out about all the "other" times with the guy in Dallas.<P>Please see the post from earlier today <P>Thanks,<BR>Ben

Hi,<BR>I just wanted to drop in and say hi.. <BR>Just one thing I wanna write from my experience... When I found out about my H's A, I started to check bills etc, so I could follow what he's done in the past.. I wanted to know eveything, and I really tried hard(even asked my H). My therapist said why I was doing this.. what I would get from it.. Only the depression, hurt, nothing positive. In my head I understood what she was saying but I still wanted to know everything. At the end I got so depressed. I know it's hard but it's better not to look for anything that may hurt you for now(easy to say huh?).<BR>I'm positive now but it took therapy and medication, and support from friends & in-laws. My H isn't mean to me anymore(he moved out), but after working on myself I came to realize I don't want to be with him unless he works on himself and deal with his problems. I'm not really try to save this marriage anymore(although I'm still in plan A), so I don't think I can give you a good advice.<BR>Take a break, you just found out about this whole thing and it must be very hard.. I'm very sorry you have to go thorough this but you get better, and I'm sure people will answer your questions about your wife.

Hi 1007,<P>Well, I think it's too soon. If you didn't think so you wouldn't have to ask if it was.<P>I think it's Sheba here who is on the brink of divorce and her H is now contacting her and asking her to do stuff with her. I've seen it happen many times here. Your wife has to hit bottom. She has to realize that this new life she thinks is so wonderful will not be at all wonderful. Your job, if you choose to accept it, is to be there for her when her fantasy falls apart.<P>I know you're fed up, heck so am I some days. Someone once said to me here...is the effort you're putting into your marriage more than you would have to put into a new relationship someday...I thought that was interesting. Heck we know all of our spouses warts. Don't think I want to start finding warts on a new guy at this point in my life.<P>I can't guarantee a happy ending for you. Read "Mentals" posts. She just got a divorce, after her ex putting her through hell and back, and she is just doing great, because she worked on herself during all of this. Sometimes they don't come back. Sometimes they are so far gone we don't want them back. But we can still make changes in ourselves that will get us through this in one piece.<P>allison

OK, will everyone who's W or H has said they love the OP please stand up. Is there anyone left sitting?<P>Half the time if I wanted to contact my H I wouldn't know where to find him. This is all standard fare. Early D stuff. The total cutoff is an effort to cover their own guilt and sometimes is the only way they can handle it....by being mean as all get out!!!<BR>It won't last....give it some time...you'll hear from her. Divorce is also a high energy word, thrown around to inflict as much emotional pain as possible.<P>You know what I feel about your W needing help. If we all gave up when we heard the "I love ___", then there would be no point in being here at all.<BR> <BR>Don't give up during the first major skirmishes. The war's not over....it's just begun.<P>Buffy<P> <BR>

Hello 10021997,<P>I wanted to respond to you because I know how you're feeling right now. I remember very vividly how it felt to hear my H tell me all the same things you're hearing from your W.<P>As many on this post have told you, it's very early in discovery yet for you. Everything you're feeling is normal, you're going to go up and down with your emotions, unfortunetly more downs than ups right now.<P>At one point, I was so desperate and in the depths of blackness, I dropped to my knees and prayed, crying aloud to God to please guide me and help me, I prayed for God to change my H's heart to stop being so cruel and mean to me. After, I felt a peace and calm and was able to sleep.<P>Well, that evening my H came home, he had been drinking ALOT and he and OW had a fight ... I knew this because OW called aft H arrived and left msgs on our home business answering machine saying "you f**ked me then hurt me" she was very angry. The next morning I snooped and found antibiotics in my H's car, for STDs.<P>That was the beginning of my H & OW's fights, but more significantly it told me what they had was not God's will ... it told me whatever they shared was in the flesh and not real, not lasting and true. Not blessed by God.<P>So take care 10021997, you need to get strong and be well, there are more changes coming, and you CAN drive this thing, it's all how you react to your W's actions and words. I promise you this, if you change the way you react to your W, she will change in her responses back to you.<P>Please be well.<P>Best,<BR>Jo