I've been married for 7 years, last month on our anniversary H dumped on me about another woman----he's been seeing a co-worker for about 4 months and assures me that its over. He has also told me that he hasn't loved me like he should in the last year. something about he doesn't have the passion for me like he used to, and we feel more like best friends than husband and wife! The OW is almost 20 years older than my H,and is in a bad relationship with her boyfriend. So leads me to believe that she just using my H to get out. But, my H almost moved out to be with this OW, so he could find the love he can't find for me....absence makes the heart grow fonder!! or thats what he says, he says also that he loves me, but not like he should. He has since decided to stay home with me and our 5 year old, but can't get the mental picture and what he has told me about the things he has said to OW, like: I want to be with you; the kissing they shared, and he also has said that they didn't have sex, but came very close to it. Am so lost, love him so much, wants to get through this because i know we can,and are in a rut....his job is very demanding 4 months out of the year and this leads me to believe that they both needed someone to get through this busy period at work. Help!! I've just found all this out, and don't know what to do about insecurities, feelings for him etc.....

Lost in Texas,<P>Sorry to here about your situation. If you haven't done so yet you probably should read some books on affairs. Two that I have read that help me are After the Affair by Janis Abrahms Spring and I think it's called Surviving An Affair by Dr. Harley (you can order that one from the bookstore on this site). Learning why the affair happened and what needs to be done to keep it from happening again is what has helped me to make it through my wifes affair. The other thing to be careful about is if your husband is still in contact with the other woman. If he is, chances are the affair may not be over, especially if you both don't address the reasons why the affair happened. <P>Good luck and much strength.

Welcome <B>lost In Texas</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>I'm sorry I missed your original post...<BR>I was a little busy today...<BR>I nomally am the welcome wagon...<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A><P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial! In your position... an immediate <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> is called for.<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on...<P>Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>You're probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.<BR>We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I actually read another reply you made later in the day... about "does it get easier"....<BR>In complete honesty... for most the answer is ... not right away. Some are more fortunate... and the wayward comes around very soon. But for most... it takes a decent <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... and for still others an extented <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>. I will say... for me the first 6 months were a constant downward spiral (for others more or less)... Now... after coming here... I see my life moving definitely upward.... The people here have really made the difference for me!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited December 08, 1999).]