Hi everyone -<BR>Today I'm not venting or angry, but I had a very strange expereience yesterday and wanted to share this to see what other folks thought. Last night I had a call from some guy who claimed that I gave him my phone number in a restaurant a month ago. <BR>For those of you not familiar with my story, I had a PA 2 yrs ago and my H had a PA I just found out about 3 1/2 weeks ago. So needless to say, this phone call caused some tension.<P>Back to the story ... this guy has my number and asked for me by name. I originally thought that maybe this was someone I had taken classes with and was in a study group with him, but upon finiding out his name, I realized that I had absolutely no idea who he was! I told him that I would not have given him my number especially since I was married and having not been out in over a month (summer school = study = no social life)with anyone except my H, I told him to never call my home again. <P>My H was immediately taken back to the time where he didn't trust me. I asked him if after 8 months he began to trust me, he said yes and that all of this was a bit hard to swallow. I was infuriated! Here some call from a stranger was going to jeapordize all of the efforts that I had made to make my H feel as if he could trust me again.<P>Now here's my theory and can anyone see this as logical ...<BR>The OW (who hates me and thinks that I will have another PA as she told my H) put some guy up to calling my home to cause waves in our efforts to rebuild. My H doesn't think so, but I agree with the old saying 'he** hath no fury like a woman scorned'. I know it sounds odd, but does that make any sense to anyone? Or has anyone else gone through anything similar to that?<P>These are just my random thoughts for the day! <P>Vee

yep your theory sounds good to me, sadly I think you may be right.

azure -<P>Did my other post about seeing things from the BS perspective make sense to you? That is the only thing I could possibly think of that makes any sense about the call at all. Sad isn't it?

Vee,<P>Since you and I are in such similar boats, I felt I needed to respond.<P>I had an affair years ago, and my husband had a very short lived PA (somewhat) recently. He's been going through some majorly difficult times because of what he's done and what I've done too.<P>Now, from what you've said, this call could have been from anyone at all. Speculation is only that. We can speculate, but where does that get us? Nowhere. I can understand your husband's angst, because my husband has been through the exact same, they are reliving what they've already experienced. And you and I can both understand that. Put yourself in his position, he may be somewhat reticent to instantly believe what really happened (they are guided on instincts, think about what's happened, put yourself in their shoes..I think that's not too hard since we're already there)<P>Trust is something that is earned. I know that I took a LONG time just trusting my H again, when I was involved in affair of my own. I KNEW he could trust me, but yet I wasn't affording him the same luxury. <P>I guess I'm just trying to say, please look at both sides of it. I've always been one to be quick to judge, and it's gotten me nowhere. Talk to your husband, let him know that you had nothing to do with this ridiculous phone call, assure him. I think that's all he's really needing now.

Vee, <P>In addition to offering verbal assurances, ask your husband what it is that you can DO to help him regain the trust that seems to have been damaged by this call. While it would be nice to have an "answer" to what the call was about, it is unlikely that you will acquire proof of anything. So you must grit your teeth, try to release any vindictive feelings YOU might be having about the OW as a result of this, and take action to help your husband believe in you.<P>Remember - that is one of the things that Dr. Harley says is the ideal way to help a marriage "survive" an affair!<P>Personally, my guess is that you are right on target ... but I one of the major lessons I have learned as a result of my experiences and reading everything I've read: "It is NOT necessary for me to be RIGHT."<P>Good luck ...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I can see clearly now,<BR>the rain is gone ...

I had the same thought before I even got to the end of your post. Yep, we can sniff them out! I believe you are right!

Connor -<BR>I did try to reassure him when it happened. My sister answered the phone and the phone was in another room, so he didn't hear my conversation with this guy. I did try to tell him that I knew nothing about this person. I told him about the call right after it happened. Unfortunately, I've had a string of wierd incidents. After I went to the library one evening, some guy left a note on my car saying call him after a certain time. My H wasn't thrilled about that one and it spooked me to no end because it was dark that night. Then some guy has paged me on several occasions saying that I met him in an internet chat room!<P>All of those things plus my PA really caused my H to think otherwise. But I did assure him that I didn't know this guy and haven't been anywhere except work, school, and home! What angered me was that now his trust has to be tested when I didn't do anything. I don't plan on calling the OW because that'll get me in hot water with my H since all contact has ended, but I just know that she did it. <P>Terri & Popeye -<BR>This guy has not called back and like I said I don't need to find out if I'm right mainly because it's the only thing that makes sense. I no longer have any male friends other than male classmates and that relationship is strictly business. I now try to avoid any thing that would even be questionable. I feel that it is best and it sort of follows the Rule of Protection.<P>I'm just glad to see that I'm not the only one who thinks the OW was up to something! <P>Thanks guys!<BR>Vee

Hi Vee,<P>I think you may have it. The theory of OW engineering such a call sounds just about right. You can't prove it to your H tho, so I think you should just let it die a silent death.<P>If you have caller ID, you could block Mr. Accomplice from calling again. <P>In the meantime, Plan A your H to try and get back where you were before the phone call.<P>Jo

Vee:<P>I think this guy may very well have been put up to this phone call by OW...or she may have masqueraded as you right after you found out about your H's affair (and he put an end to it suddenly?).<P>In either case, I would just hang tough right now. Let your H answer the phone and ask the guy all the questions he likes if you want. Basically, you have nothing to lose with this guy...and if your H asks "What does she look like?" and mystery guy describes OW....<P>Good luck! --HBC

I have no clue as to the origin of the call but I have had my calls traced before when my calle ID wouldn't identify number. I have also had my number changed to prevent annoyance calls. Making telephone calls for annoyance or harrassment purposes is illegal and, according to my local telephone service provider, is a prosecutable offense. But it would take more than one offense.

HBC -<P>I thought about that one too! He put an end to it, not exactly suddenly, but he had been trying to get her to leave him alone. Back about two weeks ago when I "fell off the edge" and had a very big confrontation with OW, she had her friend call me the next morning! I know her friend from school as an acquatience, but I have never given her my number. Again, my sis answered the phone and since it was 7:30 a.m. and it wasn't my mom, I told my sis to tell the OW's friend that I was gone. She said that she wanted to check up on me and see how I was doing! Yeah right!<BR>I immediately blocked her phone # and the OW's # and called the phone company to see what it would cost to have the phone number changed to an unlisted number. <P>I decided to wait before I changed it as I wanted to see if there were going to be anymore calls. Well I guess now I know the answer!

Just to chime in...<P>The OM went so far as to have coworkers and (I still can't believe it) even his teenage daughter call our house asking for my wife.<P>I'd vote that the OW is organizing a reign of terror...<P>Bama

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Vee:<BR><B>Now here's my theory and can anyone see this as logical ...Vee</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yep. As someone else said, I had that thought even before you wrote it. Especially given the notes on your car and the paging (but how would the OW get your pager number?).<P>Alternative theory: H is playing with your head. A phone call like that would test your honesty (do you tell him), your fidelity (do you go meet with the guy) and, if you do tell him about the call, have the added benefit of taking the heat off him in the post-disclosure period of his A and having your activities, real or imagined, be the focus of discussion.<P>I think that many husbands wonder how their wife would react to a wooing from a stranger...<P>All that said, yeah, I think it is the OW. A pretty good strategy by her. Don't let it work!<P><BR>

Bama & Mike<P>I'm so glad I'm not crazy! <P>Mike - I honestly don't know how anyone got my pager number! I broke my H's pager (in anger) and now he has mine. I hope that nut guy pages him! He never asked for me by name, he just said 0 "yeah I met you on the chat room". The last time he called I said - "Look, 'ole girl obviously gave you the wrong number!". Here's the other weird thing, it's a local number ... hmmm.<P>The note on my car was really strange, becuase it suggested that someone was following me. Plus, I went to the library right after class, and at that time, I didn't have a cell phone and I didn't tell my H I was doing that! So that one spooked me! My H said something like, well I guess everyone has admirers! Hah! Yeah, why don't we all be like him and have women throw themeselves at his feet. Oops - that was a vent! <P>Vee

whoops - double post!<p>[This message has been edited by Vee (edited July 11, 2000).]