Dear Friends,<P>What is happening to me, here???????<P>After my session with Steve yesterday and post last night - I am supposed to move ahead with the PlanB letter. I am in a modified PlanAPlanB.<P>H shows up at 6:40 this morning - I am still in pj's. Says he has an 8 am conference call for work.<P>I saw the kitchen light on from the bedroom and walk in there and he is standing there looking at the kitchen counter. Guess what is on the counter??? ALL MY NOTES FROM MY COUNSELING SESSION WITH STEVE HARLEY YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>I know he saw it and read the whole darn thing. I just walked up to the counter and picked up the sheet and turned it over. H took a step toward me and I took a step toward him and we both stopped and just looked at each other. <P>He knows I am going to send hi the PlanB letter. he read SAA and knows how it goes.<P>I got ready for work and then fixed him some coffee and fixed a carafe of coffee and put on the desk for him to drink during the conference call. I say goodbye.<P>I walked into the kitchen, thinking this entire thing is just blowing up in my face step by step. Hell....I want to kiss him so bad.<P>So I walked back into the office and said goodbye and walked over to the desk and kissed him goodbye twice and left.<P>I cried all the way to work.<P>All my religious friends - please give help here. <P>I didn't sleep at all last night worrying about doing the PlanB letter - One is I WANT to see him, but this is going nowhere so I feel compelled to do the PlanB. I prayed all night for God to give me a sign that I am doing the right thing. <P>I feel SOOOO confused about what too do here. So, after I got to work I started thinking maybe this was my sign from God.<P>Can you see how confused I am???? I need some help here. I am terrified of doing more damage. I am driving myself crazy with all of this.........And I had been feeling so good for awhile there!<P>Roll Me Away<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Desiree,<P>I answered your email before I checked the forum...<P>It's good that you kissed him... (almost type god... ah ha!))<BR>H knows right <B>now</B> your not in Plan B... it's OK!<P>When you give him the Plan B letter... that's when he'll start worrying!<P>You know what <I>this</I> religious friend is going to do...<P>I'll pray for you! <BR>This sign of God says... go for it... <BR>The confusion will lift... after a while in Plan B! <BR>You can't do more damage... when in Plan B! <P>And best of all you'll have <B>us</B> in Plan B...<BR>Remember how we helped Paul...<BR>Remember what a basket case he was for first few hours/days...<BR>Weren't we with him... <B>We'll be with You too!</B><P>Prayers and more prayers... <P>Jim

RMA:<P>My wife "knew" about Plan B. I had been ready to execute it, told her, but backed off because she made the promises that I needed from her to stay (end affair, start counseling, etc). This was within the advice of Steve H. But she couldn't keep those promises, so a few months later I did a real Plan B. And nothing she said would have stopped me from leaving.<P>Get the letter ready. You've been given good advice. You need to acknowledge your past deficiencies in the marriage, highlight your efforts to fix them (Plan A), state your love and your belief in the marriage, state that you are waiting for a reconciliation, but let him know that it's too painful for you to continue with contact.<P>It's a terribly hard step, but it can be very effective. There's nothing I can say to you to let you know that you're doing the "right thing". It didn't feel "right" when I did it either. But that's why I was counseling with Steve---I figured a professional would help me deal with this much better than letting my instincts rule. <P>Talk to Steve if you're still unsure. But prepare the letter anyway.

Desiree,<BR>If he didn't pull away that was a very good thing. God wants you ALWAYS to seek reconciliation. If he becomes abusive, then it is time to leave. I know about the affection. I long to get even a hug.<P>I just had lunch with our pastor. He is beginning to see that I am sincere about the things that I say. He is beginning to realize the rest of the dynamics that have been there. He still has some very worldly views that bother me. Yet over all he is struggling like all of us sinners. He is really listening now that he is talking with each of us more.<P>HANG IN THERE. I am praying for you.<P>MONDO HUG!!!!!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

Just got home from a meeting.<BR> Maybe the sign is that you really let him know you still loved him ( remember what Steve said?) Plus by reading the notes you took, he knows that you really want this to work out, that you still care enough and that you are serious about wanting the afair to end. Go ahead write the plan b letter but wait a day or two before giving it to him. See how he reacts to what he read. Desiree, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain, by what happened here. Don't dwell on it, it happened and it may be for the best. It could be that wake up call, if it isn't then go ahead with plan b. Email me tonight if you feel like it.<P>I'll be here off and on today. I have a counseling session in an hour and half, and thenI have to work on another resume and cover letter for a job application, but I will check in from time to time.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

RMA,<BR>Sorry to hear about your dilemna!<BR>I wish I could offer you some advice, but everything I tried turned to cr@p.<P>It sounded like the others gave you good advice though.<P>I'll include you in my prayers.<P>Bob

RMA,<P>I have no advise but I will pray. <BR><P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

RMA,<P>So far, very good and sound advice from everyone. Stay strong. You can do this. We'll be here to help you.

I know the yo-yo feeling, It hurts and is so hard to deal with. You are not alone............<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P><BR>

{{{RMA}}}<P>Hi kiddo. I am praying for you right now. I agree with the others. Prepare the letter. Set a deadline for yourself that gives you and h. time to process the fact that you intend to go to Plan B. <P>Tell him that you love him, but you cannot allow him to continue to hurt you. Tell him what you need from him and what you want to give to him. Then move to Plan B if your heart and God's voice inside you say that it is time.<P>We are here for you...<P>Liz\His Pearl of Great Price <P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

I just got home...<P>I had to leave and go to the other hospital right after I posted this...<P>I can not reply to all just yet, I am crying too hard...<P>I am TERRIFIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>Desiree<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

What happened? Why are you terrified? You have me worried. I am emailing you now.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

OK, I am back. The letter is written and has been e-mailed to Steve Harley for his previewing, as he asked me to do.<P>DEEPEST THANKS to Diana, Jim and Tim for the e-mail support!!!!!!! I can at least do this without crying on the keyboard. Jst soft whimpers.........<P>OK, I feel like a bowl of spaghetti right now - limp, limp and more limp. I feel guilty. I feel responsible. I feel like no matter how it turns out, it is going to be my fault. If my marriage bites the dust, I will always blame myself for having the stupid less than 3 months EA!!!!!!! I am eaten up tonight with fear, remorse and guilt. I can never undo my part in this slimy thing and I am sure my H will never forgive me. I wonder how I am going to make it if I never see him again. I feel afraid. I have NEVER been this afraid <P>But, God did put something in my heart today among all this fear and guilt and pain....He told me to go back to church....I have hardly gone these past 2 years and only twice these past 7 months since discovery and I used to be a regular......I have been praying daily, but it is not enough.....I am going to go to church this weekend........<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Oh, RMA. Take a deep breath, ok? This is so hard. <P>But all this is NOT your fault. You do know that, in your reasonable head anyway, don't you?<P>I don't have good advice. I think going back to church is great. And it all must have happened for a reason. Let the reason unfold.<P>Whatever it is, you'll understand eventually. <P>Sending hugs and prayers to you.<P>Lori

RMA,<BR>Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom to realize that we do need God in our lives. Now you need to get out of the way and let God do His work. He is in control and can change your h. Hugs, I know this must be the scariest thing possible because you have no control over the outcome. Sometimes we need to let go and let God.

Jim,<P>Thanks for all your encouragement. I guess if nothing else, I got two more kisses than I had before........You are a great uplifter!!!<P>Yes, I remember when Paul did this. I can't even imagine how scared and rotten I will feel when I actually have to deliver this <P>K,<P>This is all your fault for poking SHA so much about calling Steve Harley <P>I basically used izzy's letter, the info NSR sent me from the SAA book, a bit from Medic's letter and picked up a few lines from Chris' letter he had posted on brownphd's (I think this one) thread.<P>If I have a nervous breakdown over this, you will have to come and feed me cookies everyday - that is what I really like - cookies! <P>Rob, <P>Glad that the pastor is finally listening to YOU! You have had quite the struggle, too. I appreciate the mondo hugs - sure can use them!!<P>Diana,<P>Your e-mail and your post made me feel good. I know how much you care about me. It is so great to have such a "soul-mate friend"!!! <BR>You really are a great friend to me. Isn't it amazing how we have the opposite feelings days so we can always be there for the other!?!?!? <P>Bob,<P>Believe me - I UNDERSTAND you about it all turning to cr@p if you touch it - I feel the same way lately. By the way, has Medic tried to sell you one of the new tools we are putting under patent? Seriously, thanks for the prayers.<P>Samantha-MI,<P>Advice is good, but sometimes prayers are better. Tonight, I need the prayers. Thank you!<P>sidney,<P>I know how bad things are for you right now, and more than anything, I appreciate you reaching out to me. I wish I could feel strong enough tonight to be able to help the many new folks posting here. There is so much need for support on this board. Truly, I feel HAPPIER when I come here, because I feel everyone can understand and support each other. I hope you are doing better - I know this time is EXCRUTIATING for you. You have been in my prayers, too.<P>Rutger,<P>One day at a time....a fitting postscript! Yes, I am not alone.....thanks for being here for me!<P>Liz,<P>Such great advice! Now if I could get my inner voice to quit fighting with God over this. OK, I wrote the letter and sent it to Steve Harley for his opinion. Yes, it is good advice, I know I need to do this, I just don't WANT to do this....but, I will...I just don't want to........<P>Lori,<P>In my head, I know that alot of this IS my fault. I will always know I made a bad choice in having the EA.....I can never undo that either......I am trying my very best to move beyond it and LEARN how to NEVER let myself get caught into something like that again. That is all I can do because the mistake has been made. I have forgiven myself because I know God has forgiven me - but H - that's another story! He never forgives or forgets anyone doing him wrong.<P>Yes, it will be good to go back to church. I appreciate you reminding me that this will all unfold in time. Everything does happen for a reason. I am impatient. It all hurts so much and I want it over quicker than it is going to happen. In my heart of hearts I know I can and will survive. I am tough, but just not right now. Tonight I am feeling scared and puny.......But, thanks for thinking of me!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Roll Me Away (edited December 07, 1999).]

RMA,<P>Hang in there, I am praying for your situation. Yes, plan B is tough, but it seems to be our only hope. I really think it works on betrayer men who have not moved out of the house. I'll be thinkin about you.

RMA,<P>Thank you for all of you support. <P>This helps me. It's part of my daily readings.<P>The Serenity Prayer<BR>(full text)<BR>GOD, grant me the serenity <BR>to accept the things <BR>I cannot change, <BR>Courage to change the<BR>things I can, and the <BR>wisdom to know the difference. <BR>Living ONE DAY AT A TIME;<BR>Enjoying one moment at a time; <BR>Accepting hardship as the <BR>pathway to peace. <BR>Taking, as He did, this<BR>sinful world as it is, <BR>not as I would have it. <BR>Trusting that He will make<BR>all things right if I <BR>surrender to His Will; <BR>That I may be reasonably happy<BR>in this life, and supremely <BR>happy with Him forever in <BR>the next. Amen <BR>Reinhold Neibuhr-1926 <P>Prayers for you tonight,<P>Bill

I'm thinking about you, and sending you a hug.<P>Jo

Oh izzy,<P>Thanks so much for letting me use your letter. A large part of my letter came directly from yours. I tried last night to write one from scratch, but the old brain was putting up roadblocks everywhere.<P>Maybe this works better on men who are home - but my rebellious H is gone. This affair is 9 1/2 months old - long enough to have a baby! I guess I should at least be grateful THAT isn't an issue - OW is 50. <P>I am stressed big time over this. After I get the letter back from Steve and am ready to give to my H, I will post here for all to read. Thanks!<P>Derby, <P>We must have been posting at the same time - yes, I need to let go and let God. If ever that was true for anyone, it is true for me. I KNOW I need to do this....I struggle with DOING it....Thank you for the kind words!<P>WilliamJ,<P>Saw the title of your thread - the tree is decorating and lights twinkling away - haven't gotten there to read yet. My next stop. Sounds like things went well. GREAT!!<P>I love the Serenity Prayer. Actually, my daily prayers consist of a shortened, modified serenity prayer: "Lord, Thy will be done. Give me the strength to accept Thy will and the courage and fortitude to dig really deep to find that strength when I need it." <BR>God is putting all of you in my life for a purpose - to help me get through all this - this is the strength I need - I have to have the courage and fortitude part to come here and humbly ask for and accept everyone's help. I do, but sometimes I am pigheaded and don't want to do what I know I need to do...what all of you tell me I need to do....<P>WilliamJ, it is just hard sometimes. Thanks for taking the time to type the Serenity Prayer to me. I will print it from work tomorrow and post it in my office!<P>Desiree<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>