My W called me at work to tell me that she had a present picked out for our neighbor's S (2 on Sunday), and to give a suggestion about the retaining wall My Dad and I are building. We had a very pleasant conversation, talked about different ways to do the wall. A couple of days ago I told her that I was going to use a different style of block than what we originally planned and I asked her what she thought. Amazingly, she didn't get upset that I was changing the plan. So, we talked about it and came to a mutually agreed upon solution.<P>The other thing we talked about was a job interview that I have on Monday. She will be extremely happy when I change jobs, it will be a big love deposit.<P>About a half hour later, she called me again. She had three questions. The first one I don't remember. The second was about the excuse I gave for not going to the river. I said it was because we were building the wall. Her third question was, "Why did you ask me if it was okay when you changed the plan for the wall, since I don't live there?" I told her that we were still married, and as long as we were there was still a chance, however slim, that she might live here again. She thanked me for that. I told her that until we were divorced I would ask her opinion about things I was doing around the house.<P>I said that I wanted to ask her how she was doing, but I didn't because I didn't want to pressure her, or make her feel like I wanted a decision instantly. She said that she wanted to talk to me about a lot of things, but that she didn't want to change her mind and have it become untrue. I could hear the tears in her voice.<P>Inside, I'm doing the mother of all Snoopy dances , but outside I'm cautiosly optimistic. Things are definately improving between us, and it seems like she is more comfortable with me than she's been in a long time. But, I'm still afraid that she might decide that since we get along so well when we are separated, maybe we should stay that way. Crazy, huh? <P>She hasn't come right out and thanked me for not going to the river, but, it is obvious that she is happy about it. Plan a is working .<BR>Steve

Remember it wont all happen at once. It takes time and there will be waffling. Concentrate on being a better you, not for her sake but for yours.. she will see it.<P>It sounds nice. It takes time, and I am one who has to be reminded about that.. but that is ok.<P>Smile<P>J<P>something I thought would be nice to read:<BR>************<BR>My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my<BR>sister's bureau and lifted out a tissue-wrapped<BR>package. "This," he said "is not a slip. This<BR>is lingerie."<P>He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip. It<BR>was exquisite, silk, handmade and trimmed with<BR>a cobweb of lace. The price tag with an<BR>astronomical figure on it was still attached.<P>"Jan bought this the first time we went to New York,<BR>at least 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it.<BR>She was saving it for a special occasion.<P>Well, I guess this is the occasion." He took the<BR>slip from me and put it on the bed with the other<BR>clothes we were taking to the mortician.<P>His hands lingered on the soft material for a<BR>moment, then he slammed the drawer shut and<BR>turned to me. "Don't ever save anything for a<BR>special occasion. Every day you're alive is a<BR>special occasion."<P>I remembered those words through the funeral and the<BR>days that followed when I helped him and my niece<BR>attend to all the sad chores that follow an<BR>unexpected death. I thought about them on the<BR>plane returning to California from the<BR>Midwestern town where my sister's family lives.<P>I thought about all the things that she hadn't seen<BR>or heard or done. I thought about the things that<BR>she had done without realizing that they were special.<P>I'm still thinking about his words, and they've<BR>changed my life. I'm reading more and dusting less.<BR>I'm sitting on the deck and admiring the view<BR>without fussing about the weeds in the garden.<P>I'm spending more time with my family and friends<BR>and less time in committee meetings.<P>Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of<BR>experience to savor, not endure. I'm trying to<BR>recognize these moments now and cherish them.<BR>I'm not saving" anything; we use our good china<BR>and crystal for every special event such as losing<BR>a pound, getting the sink unstopped, the first<BR>camellia blossom.<P>I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like<BR>it. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell<BR>out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries without<BR>wincing.<P>I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties;<BR>clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have<BR>noses that function as well as my party going friends.<P>"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their<BR>grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or<BR>hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now.<P>I'm not sure what my sister would've done had she<BR>known that she wouldn't be here for the tomorrow we<BR>all take for granted. I think she would have called<BR>family members and a few close friends.<BR>She might have called a few former friends to<BR>apologize and mend fences for past squabbles.<BR>I like to think she would have gone out for a<BR>Chinese dinner, her favorite food. I'm guessing.<P>It's those little things left undone that would<BR>make me angry. Angry because I put off seeing good<BR>friends whom I was going to get in touch with someday.<BR>Angry because I hadn't written certain letters<BR>that I intended to write one of these days.<BR>Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and<BR>daughter often enough how much I truly love them.<P>I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or<BR>save anything that would add laughter and<BR>luster to our lives. And every morning when I<BR>open my eyes, I tell myself that every day, every<BR>minute, every breath truly is... a gift from God.<P>If you've received this it is because someone cares<BR>for you. If you're too busy to take the few minutes<BR>that it would take right now to forward this,<BR>would it be the first time you didn't do that little<BR>thing that could make a difference in your<BR>relationships?<P>I can tell you it certainly won't be the last. Take a<BR>fewminutes to send this to a few people you care about,<BR>just to let them know that you're thinking of them.<P>May love litter your life with blessings.<P>To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who<BR>gave birth to a premature baby.<P>To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the<BR>editor of a weekly newspaper.<P>To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the<BR>lovers who are waiting to meet.<P>To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a<BR>person who missed the train.<P>To realize the value of ONE-SECOND, ask a<BR>person who just avoided an accident.<P>To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND,<BR>ask the person who won a silver medal in the<BR>Olympics.<P>Treasure every moment that you have!<P>Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is<BR>mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the<BR>present!!<P>Show your friends how much you care...send this to<BR>everyone you consider A FRIEND<P><BR>

ILIWAPCT!<P>WTG! <P>GTBOS!<P> <P>

Simply J- Thanks.<P>Leilana- It wasn't much of a plan, but I guess it worked. Thanks for agreeing with both sides of the question! <P>Steve

Hey Beerman:<P>You just gave me the laugh of the week with your doing the "snoopy" dance inside while you talked to your wife. I can just picture it. <P>Isn't it nice to make a difficut decision that works out to be for the best in the end.<P>Well, you get to move forward one step today. Maybe even see goal up ahead. Luck on the roll.<P>Buffy<P> <BR>

Very good news Steve!<P>You did the right thing by not going.<P>Now please know this ... IF you experience steps backwards don't be discouraged, she's testing the waters. AND do remember, your decision to NOT go to the River was your decision so you don't expect anything in return. Basically I'm saying if your wife LBs you, you WILL NOT resent her for not going, you are responsible for your decision without expecting anything in return.<P>Remember what they say about resentment, it's like taking poison and waiting for the other guy to die.<P>You've done really really well and I know it's not easy, God's face is shining down on you.<P>Prayers and good thoughts your way.<P>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited July 16, 2000).]