Hi,<P>I hate to ask anyone for help, but I could<BR>really use some. So here goes.<P>I'm 39 yrs old, been M for almost 20 yrs<BR>have 3 beautiful children. About 7 yrs<BR>ago I went wild, bought a sports car, started<BR>to get alot of attention from younger women.<BR>I flirted with a lot of them, went to bars<BR>and danced with them, stayed away from home<BR>too much, but I never cheated on my W. I was<BR>just starved for attention. W was busy with the kids and I honestly felt left out. She<BR>is a wonderful mother who devoted all her<BR>energy to them.<P>Well I got over my "phase" in about a year.<BR>I realized that my family was the most important thing in the world to me. I knew <BR>I had done her wrong, I told her over and<BR>over how sorry I was and how much I loved<BR>our family and her. I told her time after<BR>time that I had never cheated on her. In the<BR>past 7 yrs I have had other opp. to cheat,<BR>but I just couldn't bring myself to do it,<BR>because I new I would be risking my family if I did. I guess she could never believe<BR>the truth, she always thought I had even<BR>though I told her over and over again, I<BR>hadn't.<P>About 6 wks I found out that she has been<BR>seeing someone she meet online, she cheated<BR>on me. I have been devastated by it. I don't<BR>know if I will ever get over it. I have always loved her and I do now more than ever. She says she loves me more than ever<BR>and like me, she now realizes how important her family is to her. The night I found out,<BR>she called him and told him it was over, she<BR>let me talk to him and I had a few choice<BR>words for him. She swears he has not contacted her and that she has not him. <P>That night was also the first time she<BR>believed that I had been true to her, with<BR>tears streaming down my face I finally<BR>convinced her.<P>Heres the sad part, I trusted her with my<BR>life. She is working on her masters degree<BR>and has been going to school a couple of<BR>nights a week for a year. I never mis-trusted<BR>her. In Dec. of last year she comes to me<BR>crying saying one of her classmates has cancer. About 3 weeks laters she comes to my<BR>worksite on a friday morning saying her<BR>friend had died and she would be gone for <BR>the weekend to the funeral. She meet him<BR>and spent the weekend with him. <P>About a month later she said she had been<BR>selected from grad school to present her<BR>project at conventions. I didn't want her<BR>to be gone on weekends but agreed because<BR>I thought she had recieved such an honor.<BR>I was proud of her. She meet him 3 more<BR>weekends in the coming months.<P>I called her on the next to the last trip<BR>until 1:30 a.m. on a saturday night, no answer. Got her the next morning. Said she<BR>had been out with her friends late. I told<BR>her I had a strong feeling she was with<BR>someone, and begged her to tell me if she<BR>was having an affair, she said "You'll be<BR>the first to know if I ever do".<P>She never told me until I found evidence<BR>on the computer. I don't know if I will<BR>ever trust her again. I have found evidence<BR>of a strong relationship with another man<BR>online also, as well as photos of a bunch<BR>of other men. She swears she only saw one<BR>man, but I can't believe her.<P>What can I do?<P>

You need to communicate your feelings to your wife. The trust between both of you has been shattered. Both of you need to reestablish that trust or your marriage will be permanently damaged. You need to impress on your wife that she needs to be honest with you in everything she does so that your trust of her returns. Use a marriage counsellor to help you and your wife focus on the problems in your marriage.

Trust is a hard one to rebuild. But I would pray that for the sake of your children you would both try. Get a copy of Harley's Surviving An Affair. I didn't think I could ever forgive the lies and abuse of trust I had suffered. The book gave me hope & a way to go about it. <P>Honesty is a complete necessity to rebuild. But also, you have to be willing to accept what she is saying. Please read the book & maybe you will gain some insight into what you need to do next. <P>Take care.. Carolyn

Thanks, Max. I never thought I would be in<BR>this situation. We have talked alot, more than ever, but I just can't believe her<BR>because she has only admited to what I have<BR>solid evidence of.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by takingcare:<BR><B>Trust is a hard one to rebuild. But I would pray that for the sake of your children you would both try. Get a copy of Harley's Surviving An Affair. I didn't think I could ever forgive the lies and abuse of trust I had suffered. The book gave me hope & a way to go about it. <P>Honesty is a complete necessity to rebuild. But also, you have to be willing to accept what she is saying. Please read the book & maybe you will gain some insight into what you need to do next. <P>Take care.. Carolyn </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks, takingcare,<BR>You are right, it will be hard to ever trust<BR>her again, because I trusted her to the point<BR>of stupidity, and she betrayed me.<P>