Hi.<BR> It has been a long time since I posted on here, though I have looked on here to see how everyone is doing. My w has decided to leave at the end of December to spend time with her "friend". Since she will be traveling a very long distance, I have no idea if or when she will ever be back. In the meantime, we will be here together through Christmas, with our oldest D coming to visit. I have looked forward to this visit (as has my w), but I am having a hard time keeping my spirits up. I want my w to have a pleasurable expierence these last few weeks, but I cannot seem to be "up" like I want to. It seems like I just can't "be happy" for awhile since I know that my w will be leaving. I really want to have her remember her last few weeks with me as positive in case she decides to come back. I don't want to be miserable and have her feel the same. Does anyone have any ideas of what I can do to keep this from being a "downer"? I love my w with all my heart and I want to someday rebuild our relationship. I understand why she feels she needs to leave, and I probably have pushed her towards it a bit as well. I feel like a death row prisoner who knows his execution date is coming. I have no control over her actions, but I need to control my emotions. It's hard because I love her so much! Help!!! <P>dzrt

Live for today. Tomorrow will be enough for itself.<P>Enjoy the moment. Every single moment is precious.<P>There are no guarantees in life. Therefore be thankful for what you have today. Don't spend your time thinking about whether or not you will have it tomorrow.<P>Enjoy your daughter and your wife over the days you know you have. Each day is a gift.<P>It is not for you to demand something of tomorrow when you haven't even taking time to be thankful for what you have today.<P>Things are very hard to predict, especially as it concerns the future. You don't know anything about what will happen in one month except that something will happen. It was always this way, and you made it this far. You can get the rest of the way be seeing that for what it is.<P>You will be just fine, no matter what happens.<P>You are strong enough to look after yourself and love your wife, even if she isn't strong enough to return the favor right now.<P>If you let her go, and still love her, she will not be able to ignore how strong your love really is.<P>Accept and validate where she is. It wasn't your fault. But that doesn't mean she can change what she feels in a day.<P>He who is without sin is free to cast the first stone. Therefore, remember that you have your own faults too. Her faults and actions will seem less evil in the context of your own.<P>Be compassionate and understanding. Help her where you can, even if you don't like what she is doing.<P>Forgive yourself. This will be a very hard time for you, and you will make mistakes. So did everybody else. Just do the best you know how and learn along the way.<P>Forgive her too.<P>Reward yourself with congratulations and special things when you do something right. It's ok to feel good when you do the right thing or help someone else, even if they don't appreciate it right away.<P>Remind your daughter and your wife how much you love them. Thank them for good times and support. Tell your wife you will always love her and you want her to be happy. Tell her you are so glad to have been able to share your life with her. Tell her you will always be thankful, and that you will always love her.<P>Be strong. It's ok to be able to look after yourself.<P>Let her go.<P>Talk to a trusted friend.<P>Go see a counselor.<P>

"We are all death row prisoners. We just don't know when the execution date is, or what the crime was."

Dzrt: I wish I could wave a wand and things would be better for you. However, I can't. But I can give you my prayers and hope for a decent holiday. I know what a struggle it is to go through the holidays under such pain. Just focus on your D and what's happening in her life. Try and do things with your family and maybe during the down times, plan on activities or trips you would like to take in your future.(even if you don't go) Just something to do to keep yourself from sinking in the shadows. Maybe try a new hobby. <P>Again, my prayers and thoughts are with you.

Thanks for your reply. I am in couseling which has pointed me in the right direction, but man is it hard to deal with when its RIGHT THERE!. You know, I have changed a great deal since this mess started and I know my w has seen some good changes, but my emotions get in my way so bad, and I think that some of the good I do gets erased. I plan on continuing to learn and grow, so hopefully some day she will see all of this. If not, I will still be a better person for having gone through all of this (however it is hard to see that right now).<BR>Nonplussed...great thoughts!<BR>My love for her is what sustains me and I WILL give her the freedom to look for whatever she is looking for. What scares me is she may never want to come back. Nothing I can do about that, so I guess I shouldn't worry about it. I can only change me.<P>dzrt

Keep the faith. She is more likely to come back at some point than to stay away.<P>Tomorrow is full of lots of things that "could" happen that are worse than this. So far she is still there. She hasn't left until she is gone. And she isn't "never coming back" until she never comes back.

How about a dissenting opinion.<BR>How about Plan B. If she is going to leave, why not have her leave now.<P>My stbx wanted to do the same thing thru all the holidays. Just act like a normal family while she would be seeing om on the side.<P>I said no way. I decided not to go to her parents home for T-day. When found out that om was spending the weekend with her after that, that's when I decided to tell our kids we were getting divorced.<P>You are letting her control things. You cannot control what she does, you can only control what you do. You must proceed with your life since she is leaving.<P>I think I would ask her to leave. If she wants out of the family that bad, then maybe she should leave right now.<P>I'm not suggesting that you forceable throw her out, but a Plan B type separation I think would be oin order here.<P>Best of luck and God Bless.