My dearest Donna,<P>I'm writing you this letter to let you know how I am feeling about this whole situation.<P>We were married on January 5, 1980. That day was the day we started our lives together. I will always treasure it for what it was. A dedication of commitment to each other and before God to love, cherish and care for each other until death us do part. As time went by in our marriage, these words rang more and more true every day. If I could, I would NEVER change that day. It was the beginning of the happiest times in my life.<P>I don't know what happened between us. I truly wish I did because I would do everything in my power to change it and make it better. You say it was Coke & white bread & oat bran muffins. Well, I never forced you to have any of these things. All you had to do was ask & I would have gotten them.<P>I understand how much I was on the computer & how much I ignored you. There is no excuse for it but let me explain. From the day I met you, you were such a highly motivated person. It is one of the things I admired about you. But your job always seemed to me to come first. You had to be the first one into work and the last one out. Go in on weekends. We could not plan summer vacations because you had to work. We couldn't do many activities on weekends because you were working. I was on the computer when you were gone so it became habit when you were home. I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I wasn't trying to ignore you, but I felt that I wasn't worth much to you. Why would you want me around?<P>I don't think I treated you badly. I didn't pick up my underwear or t-shirts. This was wrong. I could have easily done this but I didn't. Perhaps I expected too much from you. I don't really know because you don't talk to me about us and what went wrong. It's true people change. Perhaps I was trying to change you into something you couldn't be, I don't know. If so, believe me it was not intentional. I married you for who you are, not who I could mold you into.<P>In 1989, you had an affair with Kerry. I didn't know about it, but I felt something was wrong. You didn't tell me we were having problems. If you had spoken to me about it before anything happened I would have given my right arm to get things right between us. Since I didn't know, then there was nothing I could have done.<P>I don't know for sure if anything happened between you & Rick back in '82 but I believe something did. Why? Was our relationship that bad after only two years of marriage?<P>As for what is going on now. You say wankboy has nothing to do with why you want a divorce or has nothing to do with why you left. Are you that far disillusioned? If I was such a poor husband, then why leave the city? You have two girls who love you and you say, "I love you with all my heart!" They need you and you chose to leave them. I will never understand. I don't think they will either. They are broken hearted as am I. You chose not to discuss our relationship or where/how it went wrong. You felt that you didn't love me and that was it. End of story. You could never learn to love me again. At anytime in our relationship, was there a time you felt you would NEVER fall in love with someone else? Looks like it happened at least once. Why do you think you cannot fall in love with me again? We have so much going for us, but alas you chose not to do so.<P>Donna, I will never regret our relationship or having chosen to give my life and heart to you. I am waiting for you to realize what we can have. I don't know if it will come in time for us to be together again, but still I sit here trying to retain what little sanity I have and try to deal with all the emotions I am feeling. Before you left to live with wankboy, it would have been so much easier to work out our problems. Now that you are gone, it will take so much more work. I am willing to do what I have to, but I cannot do it alone. You have given me NO sign of returning or anything to make me remotely think you are willing to give it a try. This saddens me to no end.<P>It is not the affairs or the leaving that has hurt me most. It was the lies. For some reason you felt you could not trust me enough to confide you feelings to me. I'm the one person in the world who you could trust with anything. I apologize for anything I have done to make you feel this way.<P>You are the most special person in my life. You will always have a place in my heart because I cannot erase the last 21 years I have been with you. However, I know not how long I can wait. Waiting for you causes me such pain, but I choose to do it because of the love I still have for you. I pray someday soon we will be together again. For us, for the children and for our God.<P><BR>May God watch over you, the Lord Jesus comfort you and the Holy Spirit guide you in your journey through life.<P>With all my love,<BR>Take care and God Bless.<BR>Chris<P><BR>(this is not meant to be given to her, at least not yet, maybe (hopefully not) in the future)<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Chris,<P>What a great letter. I love the 'wankboy' thing <P>You wife is missing out on one h@ll of a guy. I hope she realizes that soon.<P>Lighting a candle for you, my friend.<P>Take care.<P>Cheryl

Chris,<BR>What a beautiful letter. As always, you are in my thoughts & prayers.<BR>B<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

Chris, <P>You are an amazing man. Your wife on the other hand...well....she's missing out on something special.<P>God Bless you Chris.<P>SHA

Chris,<P>It's a nice letter...<BR>But I'll be honest with you... a fair amount of LB in inuendo.<P>Keep the letter for yourself...<BR>But don't give it to her... (ever!)... You know that too... <P>---------------------------------------<P>"until death us do part"... is slightly judgmental... she does realize what those words mean... she jus refuses to accept.<P>"I don't know what happened between us"... means "it's not my(Chris') fault".<P>"But your job always seemed to me to come first"... means "it's all your(Donna's) fault."<P>the '82 and '89 affairs... bringing them up (no matter what is said)... let's her think you'll bring up her current affair... over and over again...<P>"wankboy"... name calling shows... how should I say.... immaturity...<P>"Are you that far disillusioned?"... is very judgmental... No?<P>"but still I sit here trying to retain what little sanity I have and try to deal with all the emotions I am feeling"... doesn't show the strength she needs to hear... she wants a strong dependable husband (what woman wouldn't.)<P>"It was the lies."... sheesh...LB-ing!<P>-----------------------------<BR>With all I just told you...<BR>These are the exact same things <B>I</B> want to say to my W! <BR>-----------------------------<P>Vent here all you want... <BR>Your typing gets off my chest too! <P>Jim

Yeah, I know it's not something I would give her (without major changes) while I still am married & have hope for us.<P>wankboy is not something I would say. Just didn't want to put his name here.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>