Going through the pain of infidelity inflicted upon me how much have you found that counseling for the spouse that cheated and medication for depression helped in overcoming the obstacles brought on by infidelity?

I think both of them helped alot... I needed to talk about my feelings because I couldn't tell anyone. I don't think I was listening to her much though.. just needed to get off of my chest.<BR>And medication helped me not to be depressed when I think about depressing things and could think about them clearly without feeling bad(and that's great!).<BR>I finally feel good about myself and the therapy and med helped me alot to go through this hard time.<BR>

As the betrayed, I feel like the joint counseling has helped me understand a lot of what my h was going through at that time. I also started taking an anti-depressant that has helped. It seems to me that his individual counseling and the depression medication is helping him a lot. He is not all the way there yet, but things are much improved. We are 3 and a half months into recovery now.

Jeremy...<BR>I saw that you are a pastor. Not sure I am familiar with your profile/story....is it posted anywhere? <P>

Jeremy,<P>I read your entries and want to know more about your situation. I have the same questions. I am in the 8th month of discovery and I am involved in the church as a lay minister and so is my husband. He had a short affair with a woman at work. He met only once with her privately. He told me a week later. We have been trying to work it out ever since. We went to a program called Retrouvaille. There is a website that you can learn more about it. retrouvaille.org.<BR>Check it out. How is your wife reacting now? Is she willing to work it out? What were the circumstances to your situation? My children are 14, 12, and 10. They are doing ok as far as I can tell. I am worried about them too. We are still active in the church and our priest is very supportive. We are in the process of trying to start a Retrouvaille program here in our city. Please know there are programs that can help you. Let us know what your situation is whith your wife and maybe we can be of more help. We know your pain and want to help you. <P>Take care, <P>Jane

My situation is one where my wife began descending into depression, took a trip to get away and while eating at a resteraunt she began a conversation with the man at the next table. For the next several nights they spent time at a local hotel and then continued a relationship beyond that for the next year and a half. during the midst of their relationship she also gave our number out to a man on the internet who spread our number out over the entire country and we were bombarded to the point of having to change our number. I resigned my pastorate and we moved from the midwest to California for a new ministry (I knew nothing of the affair at this time and did not find out for another year). Only because I had suspicions and continued to have them has information come out bit by bit. She descended further into depression at times not getting out of bed much. She is in counseling now with an excellent counselor but she still doesn't get all what she has done and tries to put blame everywhere but herself. Her counselor has told me that I had nothing to do with why she cheated that it is totally her own issues. I am myself seeing a separate counselor and trying to cope along with my children. My wife is willing she says to work it out, I am not so sure I am.<p>[This message has been edited by Jeremy (edited July 17, 2000).]

Did you look up the Retrouvaille website? Please do and see if it is something you and your wife are able to do. It has really helped us.