<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by missy9:<BR><B>Well for those of you who have been around awhile, you know my story. I have been in a semi Plan B mode for awhile now not by choice. My h hates me and wants nothing to do with me. He blames me because my kids are currently not allowed to be around OW. My one son told me the other day that his Dad made him read a letter that the OW wrote where she said she wished that they can go on road trip with all the kids together and not just her kids. I think My h is getting pressure from her in a real bad why to include her in things.<P>I do my best to avoid him at all costs. I don't answer the phone when he calls. He sits alone in the outfield at the kids baseball games. I sit with all the other parents. He looks and acts very uncomfortable at these games as well. The other day after a victory the whole team and parents went back to the coaches house and he never showed. Thank GOd. But these are the things he loved most about the summer. Hanging out with friends and going to the kids games. <P>One of the mothers caught my ear at the party and she told me how everyone is so disgusted by what he has done to me and the kids. She also said that he will never be able to bring her to anyones home because all the women would never allow it. She said everyone knew she was on the prowl for the last few years and its a shame my h fell for her. <P>At any rate, I have been so busy lately and have not been able to sign on much. I still continue to go to counseling and my support group. I met a really nice guy in the group and he is such a sweetie. We went out to a movie the other night and I found myself really enjoying his company. This made me realize that this Plan B thing does work. I find I can still be strong but start to enjoy myself with other peoples company. <P>I'm not sure how I truly feel at this time. I do not see my h coming out of this fog. I see him sinking deeper and deeper into it. I tell people that I will always love my h and that he was the best. He always treated me great. I can not imagine finding another man that could make me as happy as he did. <P>But, I do not miss him that much anymore. In fact, I find myself thinking about this other man I met more than my h. I look forward to talking to this other person. <P>Not sure if this is an indication of my love totally dying for h or if its just me feeling good again about someone making me feel special. <P>Any advice for me out here tonight? Should I continue to talk to this other person who makes me feel good? I mean he has been through the same thing as me. It truly is nothing more than just a good friendship now. But, I feel it could develop into something serious if I let it. As I am writing this to you, I am thinking about him and not my h. I think h has been so rotten to me that he has totally emptied all the love deposits he had in his bank with me. <P>I'm just a rambling tonight. Lostva if you read this you are probably shouting No Missy don't do this. Well, its been 7 months of hell for me and I just don't see any change in h. <P>Also, this friend of mine had sent me a really nice e mail after we went out and he was saying how he enjoyed my company and that we are very compatible. Well I printed my e mails out but I accidently left that one out last night and today my h came over to watch the kids while I was at work and I just have this feeling that he read the e mail. Not sure of what he will make of that. I'll probably hear from his lawyer that I am bad for going out with someone of the opposite sex. I wonder if my h will be jealous that I am moving on with my life? What do you think???? I sware I did not leave it there on purpose. I would never want my kids to see it and it was all very innocent anyway in what he wrote. But, it kinda indicated that we both enjoyed each other company. <P>Oh well just thought I would update all of you on what has been going on in my life lately...<P>I am losing feelings for my h and I think I am ready to give up the fight. Why do I want a man like him anyway? He has become the single most selfish person I have ever met. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I guess I don't feel like everyone else here.<BR>I am not so sure that sitting around appearing needy to your H is positive, espically since he has made it clear that he is pretty content doing what he likes.<BR>Perhaps talking and seeing someone else is the next step. You have to move on at some time. JUST be careful, your a big girl.

Thanks everyone! Sheba is there any way I can get your phone # and give you a call? If I had to sit hear and write my story, it would take all day. I am so busy with the kids and I simply do not have the time.<P>I would love to actually tell you what it is I have been doing and tell you my complete story from beginning to end. There is so many things that have happened along the way that perhaps I really screwed up on but I don;t think so. I honestly believe that it is a problem within my h at this time. <P>I even have the support of his entire family behind me. They all know that what he is doing is so out of his character and they have all encouraged me to divorce him. I know deep down they would love nothing better for him to wake up and us to get back together again but they also all feel that what happened to me was so wrong. They want me to move on and find someone else to make me happy. <P>When you have all that support from family and friends its tough to ignore it. Epecially when its coming from the people who know my h the best. They are all so ashamed of him but of course they love him as well and they would never turn their back on him and I am glad for that. <P>This thread is getting out of hand and it was not my intention to have that happen. I appreciate everyones opinion here and I will print this all out and reread it again and again. <P>So Sheba if you happen to read this and get this message let me know if you feel comfortable giving my your number and I'll give you a call. Thanks, Missy

Hi Missy -<P>I'd love to talk to you....what's your email addy? I'll send you my number...<P>Also, perhaps you can start writing up your story where you can save and continue and then copy it to here when you are done.....this way you can take your time.<P>I just think that it would be good for you (writing it all out brings some clarity!!) and a good example for others on how to go about this nightmare.<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

Sheba-Its Mulvy9@aol.com <P>I'll begin to write my story and try to save it. Not sure I know how to copy into this site. I would hate to lose it. <P>Looking forward to heating from you.<P>Let me know where you live and best time to call you. I'm from NY

I, too, question parts of MB philosophy, although overall, I think it's "on target."<BR>As far as a "relationship" at this point, I believe that if spouse betrays his/her mate and breaks the marriage vows, that the "warranty" on the marriage is invalid. <BR>If the betrayed spouse meets someone who offers friendship, consolation, and affection to soothe the torn spirit, GREAT! Go for it.<P>This may seem harsh, but I am his WIFE, not his mommy or nanny. If he wishes to work constructively and honestly toward solving our problems, I am here. But I refuse to sit around and wait while he "goes through withdrawal" or "works through his grief over the loss of the affair" etc. Poor Baby!!<P>Hey, this is not a game, and adultery is not breaking a date to the prom! In my mind, recovery can only occur when a spouse is mature enough to make a choice and live with the consequences, whatever they may be. Even though the betrayed spouse is in pain and loves the spouse and wants the marriage to work, standing by and allowing one's mate to continue an affair until he/she makes a choice is ridiculous. As overwhelmed with pain and grief as I am, I do have DOORMAT tattooed on my forehead.