Oh no, here comes that black cloud again. And yes, I am even on Zoloft.<P>My husband left today for a hunting trip and will not be back until Friday night. I can sure use the rest and maybe I can clear my head. He is being very sweet and attentive, but yet sometimes it almost seems fake like he is just trying hard to please me. What does it take to make this girl happy!!!!!!<P>Today at lunch we had our office Christmas lunch. OM did not come. He even baked the turkey for it and didn't come eat. He walked by the room where everyone was gathered and looked in a couple of times. I don't know if he wanted to make me feel bad, if he felt bad, or if he was trying to keep his wife from feeling bad. Anyway, I did feel awful. I thought, yeah, someone will be mad at me for all this and I will get more hate mail, just because OM did not come to lunch. <P>I know I am not anywhere near the end of withdrawal. Or if I make progress, I fall off the wagon and go back to START! <P>It does seem like my husband and I make a little progress. Tell me, does everyone believe that according to Harley's principals it is really not possible to make progress in your marriage until you are completely over the withdrawal? If that is the case, that may be never!!!!!!!!!!

Susan, <P>Everything you feel is not a true emotion and no, I'm not saying to disregard what you are feeling. Try to understand why you are you depressed. Even OM could make you feel better , it would only be temporary. True joy is permenant and comes from inside. do something for yourself to make you happy and bring peace to yourself. don't depend on others, your husband or OM for it, or else you will never be content. trust me I'm living it right now.<P>I'll be praying for you.<P><P>------------------<BR>Philly

Hi Susan,<P>Don't know your situation about your job but, yes I do believe that you can not really start to feel better until you are over OM and I don't think you can really be over OM until you are at a job where you will never, ever see him.

Hi Susan,<P>Don't know your situation about your job but, yes I do believe that you can not really start to feel better until you are over OM and I don't think you can really be over OM until you are at a job where you will never, ever see him.

Hi, Susan.<P>Yes, I firmly believe that if you don't quit your job, that it's nearly impossible to start healing.<P>Here was the cycle I was in: I would go to work on Monday, the OM would always come by my office and start conversations, I would sometimes see him coming and pick up my phone quickly to avoid any conversations. He said later, "Why is it that you are ALWAYS on that phone?" I would take the back stairwell instead of the elevator (I worked on the 12th floor) at the end of the day and at lunch. It didn't seem as if I could avoid him no matter what, and when he was continually trying to initiate contact, my resolve would break down, because I kind of felt sorry for him (geesh, hindsight). So it was impossible for me to work at the same place. Usually by Sunday I was really starting to get along with my H and then BAM...work again and back to square one. Once I did get away, the healing was really quick, withdrawal lasted several weeks at most. So I completely agree with Dr. H on this.

Susan - my wife is in a similar situation where she sees the OM at work, and our recovery is going PAINFULLY slow. She too has been very depressed the last few days, but before that she said she was starting to feel good about us. I guess it is good for me to know that the odds are stacked against much of a recovery as long as she is still always thinking of the OM. The question is: how long can I wait for her to come out of her addiction to the OM? I wish I knew...

Susan --<P>I've been out of the loop for a while -- work, flu, etc. <P>I thought the hate mail was traced back to OM's wife? Don't want to drag you back through it, but is the source somebody else at the office? <P>RE: withdrawl... Have you let your H know how hard you are trying to break off from the OM? Does he know that you're having a hard time. It may appear fake in his efforts to be supportive, but maybe this is his opportunity to show his love and your opportunity to recepriocate (sp?) with your sincerity in wanting to rebuild.<P>I'm really sorry to hear things haven't been going so smoothly as of late. Remember...<P>Chin up<P>--keystone