This is my first post, although I've been here for about 3 months. In short, H had a one night stand several years ago. D-day was 3 1/2 months ago. We have 2 very small children. I know that I must forgive. We are both Christians, and I'm required to forgive since Christ has forgiven me of so much. I know I need to stay in this marriage. Everything in me wants to bolt. H is very remorseful and repentant. He is completely broken over this. I finally understand that staying is much harder and requires so much more strength and bravery than going. Many if not most of you are going through so much more. How do I make the decision to stay in this marriage stick?

Hello trucompanion,<P>Our stories are somewhat similar. My husband had a short term affair with one physical encounter last summer. I found out the truth about two months later.<P>I also knew that I had to forgive, and felt that I had to stay in the marriage to honor the vows I made and because we also have two children.<P>Once I made that decision, the real hard work had to be faced. Forgiveness was difficult for me, and it did not happen immediately. As a Christian, I am used to going to God for help in times of need and confusion. I prayed several times everyday for guidance and for the ability to forgive, and God answered those prayers. Over a period of about three weeks, I could feel God leading me and freeing me to forgive. True healing and recovery started for me the day I could truly tell my husband that I forgave him.<P>The hurt and pain remained though, and still does to some extent. Again, prayers are helping me to deal with the aftermath of his betrayal.<P>If you have read that it takes as much as two years to fully recover from an affair, believe it. I am only ten months into it, and we still have quite a way to go. The marriage builders principles have pointed us in the right direction, and we went to a counselor to get the foundation for recovery that we needed.<P>If you believe that staying in your marriage and making it better is the right choice, commit yourself to it fully. If you are like me, you will find it to be the hardest thing you have ever faced, but worth it.<P>Best wishes,<P>Peppermint

It's been 2 and a half months since d-day for me and we are doing quite well. I am Christian as well, and understand the concept of forgiveness, but please, don't expect that it will make it all better. Simply forgiving will not take the pain away - ever! I believe that forgiveness is a process and the WS needs to provide you with compensation for his/her actions. You still need assurances in behavior and actions from your spouse to help rebuild your trust. It is a two way street. You may feel you are required to forgive because of your faith, but don't let that replace true inner healing and rebuilding your relationship with your spouse. To paraphrase an excerpt from a book - you must let your spouse hold some of your pain before you can start letting it go.