Dear friends: I have been doing my best to stay on track with alot of things. I have not been doing so well. This past Thanksgiving, my eating disorder got the best of me again. I kept it well hidden that my kids didn't even know. However, while exercising last week, my heart started pounding a few strokes at a time really hard. It was like someone was hitting me hard from the inside. I made a silent pack with myself this Christmas to monitor what I serve on my plate and my stress snacking. I am having a hard time now, but I am still trying. In addition to that problem, I am also thinking alot about my last OM.(out of all the affairs I had, he was the one who loved me) He was a blessing to me outside of the sex. He was always positive and encouraging. We talked openly about everything. Knowing about my eating disorder, he worked with me (in a noncondenscending manner)to help me with my eating habits. He was there for me and I do miss him tremondously. I feel so much guilt because I do love my spouse, but he could never give me that kind of attention. Believe me I have tried to no end to communicate with my spouse and I am not giving up. But, I am very tired and I desire the attention that the OM gave me. Yes, I know that what transpired between the OM and I was just the courting stage. My spouse and I have never been really close and now that I have fouled up what little closeness we had a few years back, I am trying to rebuild or start this marriage all over again. The holidays are not good for me and I know for my spouse who is still hurting, it's not much better. <BR>I have not contacted the OM in awhile and would rather not, but the urge is strong. He calls me every now and then to see how I am doing. I know he misses me too because of the subtle things he says to me. We both know that we can never get together again. We made that agreement a few years ago and I have not seen him since. We communicate maybe 2-3 times a year. I just wish I could stop missing him so much and focus on who I should be taking care of. I don't want to give up on my marriage. Thanks for listening to me. Have a good day!

Hi Sobeit. I'm sorry it's a hard time for you. Don't you just hate those downs?<P>Now, look, for all of us who care about you, you've GOT to take good care of yourself. Holidays are really hard and you've got to work even harder to make sure you're giving yourself all that you need.<P>You've done really well not seeing OM. You've got to stay strong, ok? I know you can do it.<P>You hang in there, my friend. It WILL get easier again, I promise.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{Sobeit}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Lori<P>

Not in a place to give advice, but wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.<P>I know how hard it is to have that feeling that someone loves you on one side (your H), and someone you love on the other (the OM), and the realization that they aren't the same person. <P>Please take care of yourself. Nothing else matters if you aren't healthy, or keel over next time you exercise... okay??<P>~Sheryl