I just pulled out the b-day card my husband sent me last Aug. for my b-day. He wrote in it "I love you very much and I love being with you and I am looking forward to November." <P>We got married on 11-6-00 on the beach in Negril, Jamaica. It was a dream come true. I thought he was sent to me from God. He was everything to me, loved me and my daughter and took care of us. It was my 2nd marriage. My 1st ended due to a cheating husband.<P>Over the last 3 weeks my life went to hell. He came home from the mountains a changed person. We fought before he left. To make the very long story, that I have previously posted, short --- I found a girl's home and work phone #. He changed his pager # and didn't give it to me. I found it going off 2 mornings and she was paging him. He distanted himself from me, wouldn't tell me loved me. In fact, he told me he didn't have feelings for me. Doesn't it ALWAYS mean that when your feelings change overnight there is someone else? I just can't believe he would do that. The last weekend he was there, he told me he would try after the weekend and to give him the weekend. I think he saw her that weekend. I have no proof, but his shirt smelled like a hotel room and I found a condom in his shaving bag. He doesn't know I found smelled the shirt or found the condom, but I asked him if he wanted to make it work and he said "NOPE". I said "why", and he said "your pathetic."<P>I put his clothes outside that day. Now I am getting overwhelming panic attacks that I shouldn't have done that. Maybe he could have worked through his issues and returned to the person I married.<P>Then, I can't stop trying to figure out what happened. It is driving me nearly in sane. I keep thinking I am to blame and I should have done things differently.<P>I can't think he would cheat on me. Do you think I am still in denial, because I sure can't get mad at him. Do you think he can't tell me he loves me and tells me he has no feelings because of OW???????????????? When I asked him when his feelings changed, he told me a while ago. I said, "How come I never noticed it?" He said, "because I was trying".<P>Now he is giving all our friends these stupid excuses like I cry too much or I nag.<P>What is going on here? He is gone now and I just love him so much and want him back. I haven't spoken to him. Is this a good thing?<P>Help -- MK

MK, my H did the same to me.<BR>Went away on a 10 day trip to think and find himself. Well not until 7 months later, did he finally admit. That trip he went to meet her, decided she was what he wanted and came home with the same words as your H. I too spent months trying to figure out how it seemed to happen over night. Drove myself crazy, even tried to end my life.<BR>So you can try and confront him, but until he is ready to TELL you, he will not admit it.<BR>You might say. I know you are having an affair. <BR>Then keep reading here on how to rebuild your marriage. Plan A'ing etc.<BR>Remember until he is out of the fog with her.<BR>Nothing you will say will help, but your actions will. So do the right thing. Be loving, don't LB, and give him time.<BR>Work on yourself...This is your time to discover YOU. <BR>If you need to talk , you may e-mail me. I have my email on the roll call.<BR>Tyra

Tyra: I would love to e-mail you, but I don't know how to access the roll call. I am new to this site. Tell me how and I will e-mail you.<P>I booted my H out the door, though. I threw his clothes out. I feel now that I did the wrong thing, but he could have brought them right back in if he wanted, right? He didn't even want to try so I couldn't let me keep hurting me and disrespecting me. Did I do the right thing.<P>Is your H still living with you?<P>Do I need to leave my H alone and not talk to him. I haven't had any contact with him in 1 week.<P>--MK

MK my e-mail is angelmom3@rglobal.net<P>No my H hasn't moved back in.Has moved back into town and as of today finally DID pick up ther phone and make an appt. to see a therapist.<BR>I have been following the Harley's plan, (and doing alot of reading). <BR>the book "Surviving an affair" has really helped. so has his needs her needs and Love Busters, all by the Harleys.<BR>READ, READ, READ, and put into practice what you learn here. It may not bring your H back.<BR>(See mine isn't home yet) but it has helped ME cope and prepared me for a life alone, if that is what really happens and my H goes thru with the Divorce.<BR>Read the articles here also, in the main board. Written by Dr. Harley.<BR>Let me know how you're doing.<BR>Tyra

Tyra:<P>Thanks for getting back to me. I sent you an e-mail today. Sorry it might be a little lengthy. It would be real nice to talk to someone. Thanks for listenting and hopefully I will try to help you in anyway I can.<P>MK