Hi folks,<P>Well after tomorrow's visit to the courthouse to file an Anti-Harassment Order, there will be a two week waiting period. <P>The Sheriff called OW yesterday and asked her if she made harassment phone calls to me, she said (sweetly) "Oh no officer, I've never ever done that", then Sheriff sd "Mam, I heard you all over those tapes", then OW started to backpeddle and said "Hmmmm ... OH THOSE messages!, well yeah I did do that".<P>She was told to STOP, and that Steve's wife (me) was advised by law enforcement to file an AHO, which I'm doing tomorrow. YIKES!!!<P>Guess what gang??? I'm told both myself and OW are to appear in front of the Judge together, BARF, VOMIT, HURL A CHUNK, BLECH!<P>I protested, I told the court Admin OW's already admitted to doing it, why can't the Sherrif appear on my behalf. I don't know this woman, nor have I ever seen or talked to her. I told them I'm scared of her. She's volatile!<P>They then told me they could keep us separated in rooms where OW couldn't see me and they'd escort me into and out of the court house. I don't know if I have the hoodspa to do this guys.<P>Okay guys, I admit it, I'm a woose, a panty waiste, a whimp, a big baby, I don't know if I can do this. Not without a couple shots of Cuervo Gold and 3 or 4 valium.<P>Jo<P>------------------<BR>Josie_Res@Hotmail.com<P>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak which can snap in the wind"<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited July 19, 2000).]

You can do it! Prove to her that you are the stronger woman! It's time the OW woman grow up and relize this isn't highschool anymore.<P>Good Luck!

I had to do that exact thing. Only reverse.......ex and OW concocted a dosey to get me arrested and I had to appear with her and my then Husband and her husband. It was not that bad. I finally got to see the person that helped totally destroy my marriage.<P>I was convicted by the way......she was soooo sweet too. A good liar.<P>Nancy

You can do it, you're a lot stronger than I am. <P>------------------<BR>there will be no more signature

Daisy Jo:<P>This is your chance to see her. How can you not do it? This will be terrible for her...having to appear before the Court to answer for her conduct....this is a very humbling situation and will be just what she deserves.<P>You just put on your best outfit and look like your classy self...nothing does these OW in like being put in a position where they cannot control things...like your H.<BR>For a change you'll be in control.<P>This is a funny story....as you know my H is an attorney...several years ago..when affair was new...she appeared in Courtroom while we were in trial...just sat in back...when Judge asked H who she was...he told Judge she was secretary...After Court Judge told H he need to pay her more so she could afford to get a longer skirt because the one she had on barely covered her butt...Judge is a good friend. I just ignored her and she never did that again. Speak about being out of place.<P>So go and put her in her place for all of us.<P>Buffy<P> <P>

Daisy Jo,<BR> You can do it!<BR> Show her who's she's messin'with!<BR> Just stand there,and give her your baddest,meanest Mr T. stare("Dead Meat!").<BR>You'll have her shakin'in her high heels <P> Go sic her,Daisy! <P><BR> ~~Murph/GRRRR!

I agree with everyone here--Look her in the eye and do what needs to be done. Don't give her what she wants--power and control. The ball is in your court now-take it and run with it. You are on the winning side!!!

You have *nothing* to be ashamed of. Ask yourself: "What would Jackie have done?" (Kennedy's wife) She handled her H's affairs with great dignity and grace. You don't have to have a staring match, nor do you have to shake her hand. All you have to do is show up and be very pleasant to *everyone* in the courtroom - the judge, the attorneys, etc. Be a grown up. Wear something that looks professional, but not overdone. Look your best, but don't try to make it seem as though you're trying to "compete." Simply be the most gracious, courteous person you can be under stress. If the OW confronts you or questions you, you can simply say something to the effect of, "I don't feel it appropriate to discuss this now." <P>You can do it! Go up to that courthouse and do what all of us betrayed wish that we could do - put a face on the betrayed, and let the OW know that you *do* exist.<P>belld

Jo~<P>I know this wasn't an easy decision for you and you had to have felt blind-sided when you heard you'd have to appear. Sometimes it seems that the life of a betrayed spouse is just one blow after another, doesn't it? I'm sorry you were taken by surprise this way.<P>I hope you availed yourself of the opportunity to appear separately, if that is something which would make you more comfortable. Hard choice, I think. I'd be very surprised if she hasn't seen you already, and there might be some value in seeing her. If you were to see her where she doesn't belong she'd be less likely to act out, and of course it would remove her element of surprise. But I can understand wanting to keep her anonymous. I quit allowing/forcing myself to be able to recognise anyone a long time ago. Got so that everyone looked like somebody. Then, my situation is a bit more inflted than yours. And I never had anyone crazy with whom I had to contend.<P>I hope you are as proud of yourself in following through on this as I am. Please, continue to take care of yourself, to not let yourself be an emotional punching bag. You are doing so much so well!!<P>I'll be checking back this afternoon to see how all went.

Hey, you guys are wonderful. Needed those words for encouragement.<P>To clarify, I go this afternoon to fill out AHO paper work and see a judge, then they make a court date two weeks out for myself and OW to appear. That gives me two weeks to prepare myself mentally.<P>~~Crazy or What? - Thanks Hon, you are so right on, this is highschool like. I can't believe I'm involved in this. It's embarressing.<P>~~Mental - OMG! How did OW lie to the Judge, I mean didn't she have to show proof of some sort? I'd be so angry if that happened and OW turned this around. <P>~~Yuki - Thanks, I'm not really very strong, just really tired of being thought of as someone OW can do anything to without suffering legal consequences.<P>~~Buffy, Buffy, Buffy - I never thought of it as me being in control for a change. You're right. ROFLMAO!!! Can't believe the Judge said that, she's my kinda Judge, any chance she's avail in a couple weeks? Thanks for being there for me as always, Buffy! You're the best.<P>~~YO Murph! - I'm not very formidable looking, but I'll do my best. I don't think I'll make eye contact w/her. If I do see her, I'll just try and ignore her. Maybe I'll drag Lora along so she can give her a Fryn' Pan adjustment. <P>~~db713 - Thanks, I know I'm one of the good guys, And I know I have God and the truth on my side. Wait till the Judge hears her abusively disgusting language.<P>~~Belldandy - How'd you know that Jackie was one of my roll models when I was younger. What grace that woman showed under pressure. Can't even imagine having the entire world know your Marriage is stricken w/infidelity but still maintain. She was really something. That's what I will say if OW says anything to me "I'm sorry, I really don't have anything to say to you".<P>~~Dragontraces - Thank you so much. I have been told by so many ppl I need to do this, my SILs, my Attorney, My Counselor, my close Friends ... so I'm doing it, but it sure isn't something I thought I'd ever be doing in my life. It's pretty unreal for me. Like a bad dream. I'm amazed at what lengths this OW will go to OWN my H. And she has ZERO self control, that's scary! She hates and has probably hated me for years, every since she slept w/my H that one time and deliberately got pregnant, thinking my H would be with her but wasn't. He remained with me and that must have made her hate me to an unbelievable degree.<P>I'll post as things happen and thanks so much All for helping!<P>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited July 20, 2000).]

Resilient, do you have any Large, deep voiced, big-chested male relatives or friends who could go along with you to court to scowl and look stern and mean, and to run interference for you along with the law enforcement types who the Sheriff mentioned? Of course you can take care of yourself, not meaning to imply that you are helpless or not competent. But anyone in your position would be frightened (unless they were crazzy) and add to that you are carrying a precious child to protect as well.<P>Because this OW sounds like a sneaky little weasel to me (apologies to the four legged variety) and a little afraid of legal authority, as well as not wanting to appear in her true colors and will probably not act out with righteous witnesses to her sillyness or nastiness.<P><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Hi Resilient!<BR>Your messages keep me coming back here every day. I can see a lot of inner strength emanating through your posts lately. All I can say is your H must be one heck of a guy for you to still love him after all this. An affair is bad enough in itself. You must really have to wonder why your H is involved that particular OW? Geez. It's hard to imagine a fog so thick that he can't see what a fruit loop she is!