The "Friendship" portion of the missy9 thread got me thinking; although I HAVE stood by friends when the going got rough and they were being stupid, there is one friend I cut loose... Scott. Even though I still believe a couple people were wrong in their advice in that thread (and I'm sure I don't need to point out who I believe it was... LOL ), their thoughts on standing by friendship gave me the impetus I needed to finish this letter I had started several times over the last few weeks.<P>Just thought you might like to see a copy of what I sent to him a few minutes ago. It was attached to a copy of the email my W and he exchanged a couple months ago which she forwarded to me at my request. It was that contact which brought about the tirade you so successfully addressed a couple months ago. The names have been changed, of course, and a copy forwarded to my W. Thought you might like to see, and possibly let me know what you think. <P>You too, Dazed, and terri... <P>*******************************<BR>Scott:<P>Obviously, I've been sitting on this for a while, wondering what, if anything, I would write. Here's just a quick brain dump.<P><Son> and I were in a Tae Kwon Do class a few weeks ago, and I had to read one of the principles to him after class. It was on "friendship." I can't remember the exact wording, but it contained the word "loyalty," which I needed to explain to him. I told him loyalty was standing by someone no matter what, through the good times and the bad. I looked up at <W> at that time, and I know we were both thinking of you.<P><W> and I have obviously talked a lot about you, both a couple years ago when all the **** went down as well as when she decided to write you. Talked at length. I won't say I was pleased at the time she decided to resume contact, but now in a strange way, I'm glad she did.<P>Let me tell you a little story... a few years ago, I really needed a friend to talk to. You were one of those people I might have talked to, but you were gone and going through your own rough time, and besides, it seemed like you and <W> were getting along better than you and I had been. Fine; whatever... that doesn't bother me at all (in fact, I think it's great she had such a good, close friend of us both she could talk to). Anyway, I wound up talking to another friend, someone you don't know who was helpful and easy to talk to. The details don't matter; he was just someone to talk to, a friend or so I thought. <Friend> was sympathetic and listened... when it was convenient to him. I lashed out at him one time, and I will admit I likely hurt his feelings pretty badly. That was due to my own problems, but he didn't want to help me deal with it or what I had done to him, as it was no longer "convenient" to him. So our friendship ended, even though it never really was.<P>See, one of the things <W> and I got down to is it's easy to go out and shoot pool and drink a beer with a friend, but REAL friendship shows during the rough times. "Loyalty." <Friend> wanted an "easy" friendship... the beer and pool kind. I want to be a REAL friend... the kind that can be there for someone when the going gets rough. Not to people who don't WANT to be real friends (like <Friend> ), but TO my real friends. His "friendship" left a very bad taste in my mouth. I don't want to be that type of friend.<P>I don't think for a second you're "different" just because you've got longer hair. But I DO know for a fact that people change and grow, and learn from the good and bad decisions they make in their lives. I know I wouldn't have trusted my brother to feed my cats 10 years ago, and now I would want him to raise my kids if anything happened to <W> and myself (and coincidentally, he's got really long hair right now... LOL).<P>I guess what I'm saying is I need the practice as well on how to be a REAL friend. I don't want to subtract ALL the past, just a portion of it. I already share a bed with my BEST friend. I can always use another friend to drink beer and shoot pool with, but I should try to nurture and cherish those REAL friends who mean that and a lot more because they're pretty rare. I don't know if we CAN be Real Friends again, but I'm willing to extend my hand in friendship and forgiveness and give it a try.<P>So whaddaya say?<P>- <WhoDat><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

WhoDat,<P>I'm glad you are working on this ... I think you will feel better even if "Scott" never responds to your message - because you will know that you tried.<P>I know that Yoda says "is no try - only do" but sometimes, "do" isn't up to only you.<P>As I recall, you said that "Scott" had a substance abuse problem? I'd like to point you to a website that I have found extremely interesting and that I believe more people should be aware of:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.rational.org/recovery/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.rational.org/recovery/</A> <P>A NON-AA, non religious, take responsibility for your own actions method of recovering from addiction without support groups! It really looks like it is a fabulous program and I think it could be so helpful to so many...<P>I will be posting a new update soon ... stay-tuned <P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I can see clearly now,<BR>the rain is gone ...

WHODAT,<P>I didn't mean to barge in here and read your thread as though it were meant for me but the subject line caught my attention.<P>I like what you wrote and I wanted to say so. I have those same feelings about what a friend really is but never have been able to say it out like you did. I am not all that good with words.<P>I wish I had a friend that thinks the way you do <P>Bless you,<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>

Heartache: Thanks! <P>terri: Thanks! and I really DO hope to hear updates from you... not only on your marriage, but on your job as well. I've seen a few of them, but I don't think all. I keep meaning to post something, but can't really think of anything constructive to say. Just know I'm reading, and rooting for your happiness. Looking forward to the updates.<P>On the letter... of course when I sent it my browser froze, so I sent it again... and again. The only comment I have gotten on it from my W is "Why did I get this three times?" But that's OK... I didn't send it for HER benefit, but for my own... forgiveness IS a gift you give to yourself. Nothing from Scott yet this morning, but I hold out no expectations... I've done what I needed to do for my own sake and peace of mind.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

Very well said, WhoDat! I think this was something that you did need to do for yourself---but I think that it has the potential to benefit other's as well.<P>Personal growth, while usually not painless, is always a great thing! <P>