My H has moved out of the house. It was as much my idea as it was his. For anyone who has lived through this, do they ever chose to come back? And does it work out?<P>------------------<BR>Give to the world the best you have, and the best will come back to you.<BR>* Viki

Hi, my Husband moved out on 15 July and came home, after ending a 15-18 month affair, for good. He had moved out before for a 4 day period and then ended it with her and came home but within a week they were talking again. This time he promised when he moved out that it would be his final decision this time. I asked him to leave, although he was already thinking of moving out himself. He was gone for four weeks and has now been home for 2 weeks. We are both determined to make our marriage work and he has promised to be totally honest and truthful with me forever. We talk a lot now and while he was gone it gave me time to get my life sorted out. I signed up for college, took the kids down to Colorado for a week and basically took a good look at who I was and in what ways I wanted to change and I changed dramatically. I was very dependent on my Husband before this affair and now I realised that I do not need him in my life I want him, which is a huge difference. Take this time to analyse your own life and just let him know you love him and care for him and really do want your marriage to work. I cried and was depressed for the first week, then I stood up, shook myself and got on with my life. He told me he was very proud of the way I had changed and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I'm not saying this is the way everyone needs to work it out but it was for me. If you had told me 3 months ago that it would be over by Summer I wouldn't have believed it as he was in a very deep emotional affair. It is over now though and I do believe he wants to make our marriage work. I have been where you are and I came out the other side and if I can, anyone can. My thoughts are with you and I hope this encourages you some. Take care.<BR>

viki, yes. i think if he chooses to return, his decision will be more solid if he makes it on his own. i think he should be left alone. do not contact him. in the mean time, go ahead with you life. i think you'll be surprised to see that now that he's gone, you'll have a clearer head to sort things out with. you not likely to be distracted with the pain and uncertainty of wonering what will happen. it's already happened. think about it, the worst has happened. there is a real possibility he'll return. i've read that affairs usually last 6 months to 2 years. i was separated when my affair ended. after it ended, i found i was no longer interested in all the other things single men do, like chasing women. i found i wanted only a long term relationship. there was no one on the horizone and my w was just down the street. so i thought, why not retry my 26 year marriage. and so i did. it's now been about 5 months. things are ok. not exactly as i want, but pretty close.

Mine didn't. Oh wait, she kicked me out. (No, I wasn't cheating. I think I was crowding her style. She had to sneak around too much. She didn't like that.) I certianly haven't heard anything from her indicating she has any second thoughts. It's been 8 months. I haven't heard anything to indicate she has any thoughts at all. I understand from my lawyer that the chances of reconciliation ater separation are very small.

Only god knows that for sure...... But I sure hope so....

My H has just come home, for the 5th time. My story probably isn't the reassurance you'd like. And is this time different? So far, yes, he's not talking about leaving, he's willing to talk about the future--together. He's accountable for his time, he's affectionate.<P>My H truly wanted both his family and also to be single and chasing the OW, and he did so for 1 1/2 years. Last week my counselor said that he needed to choose, either full speed ahead on the marriage or we should divorce. I had just discovered the second part of his affair and I agreed I could divorce at this point. My H jumped off the fence and came home.<P>The last 2 times that he moved home, he was never sure that was what he wanted, he just spent his nights here. The last time he moved out, he wasn't sure he was moving out, he just began not coming home, letting me know he was staying at his friends. I don't regret giving him some time, I do hate the fact that he started up his affair again.<P>He hasn't officially ended it, and I'm not happy about that, but in a way, I don't want to encourage him to contact her. He's asked for my patience--I think I have given him plenty.

I have also had a lawyer tell me that the chances for reconciliation after separation are small. Yet I have also read that 80% of married couples separate for at least 2 months. These two statements can not both be true. One has to wonder if lawyers have a vested interest in getting their clients to think the situation is hopeless.<P>My H hasn't shown any signs of coming back, but my parents divorced, got remarried, and stayed married for the rest of my father's life, another 30+ years.

Now Viki, of course they do, remember my h did, ok so it took a year and a half, but he came back and we are still working on it (despite my bad attitude somedays)<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>