Its been almost a year since husband admitting EA. We have gone through counseling, went on vacation, been nice, etc.<BR>But I still am angry, resentfull and unforgiving. Every day I think about the hurt he has caused me. I cant beleive what an idiot and a loser that he is for what he did and considered doing to me and especially our kids. I feel so distanced from God. That hurts the most. I know I could have everything I want but I just cant forgive. Any suggestions for a book or reference to work through forgiveness.<BR>Thanks

Check out the following...<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000076.html" TARGET=_blank>Can I forgive?????</A>…..indy032…..1/31/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000293.html" TARGET=_blank>Making New Memories</A>…..HGBrawner…..3/25/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/003319.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness.....</A>…..just_me…..6/5/2000<P>and outside links...<BR><A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com/forumlinks4.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself</A><BR><A HREF="http://forgivenessweb.com" TARGET=_blank>The Forgiveness Web</A><P>and books...<OL TYPE=1><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/034541344X" TARGET=_blank><B>The Art of Forgiving :</B> When You Need to Forgive and Don't Know How</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060674318" TARGET=_blank><B>Forgive and Forget </B>: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0785282556" TARGET=_blank><B>The Choosing to Forgive Workbook</B></A> by Les Carter, Frank Minirth <BR></OL><P>You might want to check out some additional books to address your loss of faith...<BR>Check out ===><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000025.html" TARGET=_blank>Books</A><P> <P>Jim<BR>

First of all, have you read Surviving an Affair? That book helps out a lot in dealing with the hurt and betrayal of an affair.<P>This is a great forum also - post and learn. You'll find people who have been in the same situation, some in worse and some in better, but all will do their best to help.<P>Getting feelings out (preferably on paper, so you don't love-bust on your husband) is VERY important. Journaling is extremely therapeutic. You want to get your feelings out, otherwise they'll eat you up. Address them, and deal with them.<P>Trust comes with time. I'm not there yet either but I'm closer than I was a year ago. It will take baby steps, but if you want to make your marriage work, you'll eventually gain trust and forgiveness. Now, you won't have the "my husband is a saint and can do no wrong" trust that you had before, but you will gain a stronger "as long as we meet each others needs, we'll be happy and faithful" that is far stronger and a lot more fulfilling. <P>Unfortunately, we are in the majority of marriages here, but many people can attest to the fact that a marriage can come out of this ordeal stronger than it was before. Don't give up, and try to keep an open heart.<P>Now, if I can just follow my own advice...

Jillian:<P>Have you forgiven yourself yet?<P>I know that sounds silly in a way, but I beat myself up all the time about not figuring it out sooner, not "being a better wife," etc.<P>How are you doing with you?<P>Hang in there. You can make things better. --HBC

Thank You for your comments.<BR>I will look into the books and websites.<P>I did read surviving an affair and I did not like it. The affairs in that book are more serious than my H but, it makes me steaming mad when I read it. It seems to make it so real I cant handle that.<P>I dont know if I ever thought about forgiving myself. I do know I was lacking in some areas of our marriage and there are many reasons for that but I will have to think about that some more.<P>I did talk to my H about what I have been feeling lately and thinking. It was good he took it well and I did not blow up. I feel better now. We had a great weekend! <BR>Thanks again<P>