My wife and I have been married 5 years.We have been seperated for 2. We have seen each other only for these 2. So i thought. In april she went to the beach with a girl friend. Shortly after she came back i found an easter card in her e-mail. The card was from a guy she works with. It started out hey sexy...then went on to thank her for the big pecker shirt. I got nothing from her trip. She went on to tell me he was a friend.<BR>She said they did things together as friends and that was it. She then told me she wanted a divorce. She shut me out and made a lawyers appointment. About a week later she shows up at my house and wants sex. We made love and she went home. I didn't hear from her for a week. She shows up on friday and say's half of my house is still hers the lawyer told her. We spent the weekend together. I asked her if she saw the other guy and she said yes a couple times. On moday she called me and said she wanted only me. I went to her house and stayed. On wednsday i noticed somthing was bothering her. After asking numerous times she told me she could'nt get the other guy off her mind.<BR>I left very upset. She called me thursday and said he said he wanted to go out if she did.I could have died that she would tell me this. I had no contact with her all weekend.<BR>On sunday she called my voice mail 10 times. <BR>I did not respond. On sunday nite she called and i answered. She said she wanted to stay married and wanted only me. I told her it was all or nothing this time. She agreed. I went to her house on monday and three weeks later i am still here. She won't answer me on living together again she just changes the subject. She says she is just friends with the other guy and he is just one of the group.(she works with him every day)Yesterday i was cleaning and found the reciept from the shirt she bought him. Also on the reciept condoms were purchased. We don't use them. Should i confront her about this it really bothers me. She used to want sex everyday now she says she doesn't think about it at all. She claims she has never been unfaithful to me i used to believe that but now i don't know. She shows no emotions towords me. She says she doesn't know what is wrong she feels numb.On wednsday i took her to the docter he said she had post menopause. She thinks this might be why she is so moody. Should i ask about the condoms..<BR>I really need to know. How do i know if she is telling the truth i have never not believed her..........<BR> bow98<BR>

Welcome <B>bow98</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>I hate to say it...<BR>...all the signs of both an EA and PA are there...<BR>...don't be blinded.<P>Other clues you may have missed can be found at <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000985.html" TARGET=_blank>50 signs your spouse is having an affair (All found on this board)</A>.<P>As far as your W lying... a quote from <B>the</B> recommended book...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Wayward spouses do not necessarily have a history of lying, but their affair turns them into masters of deception. (page 40 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>.<P>To confront her...<BR>...I'd say wait until you've understood the basc concepts on this form....<P>Most importantly...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>!<P>Work on a complete understanding of it first...<BR>Do check out my post...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>Read the book...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>.<P>Ask more questions... on this forum..<P>And only when you've already started on your Plan A (for at least one week)....<BR>...then think about approaching her....lovingly on difficult issues.<P>My prayers for you.<P> <P>Jim

bow:<P>It sounds like you are really hurting right now. I'm so sorry to hear your pain, but I'm glad you found this place.<P>I agree with Jim (NSR) that you should read the Marriage Builder (MB) stuff first before you confront your wife. I wish I had known about it before I confronted my husband. It is tough no matter what, but it is good to know what has worked for other people before doing the confrontation.<P>It does kind of sound like your wife may be involved with this guy. I know that it's hard to hear, but that news doesn't mean that your marriage is over. It might be saved, but there will be a lot of work to do to save it. Whether you decide to work on the marriage or get a divorce you should expect to be on a real roller coaster of emotion for the next several months.<P>It's going to be really hard, bow, but you can make it.<P>All the best to you. --HBC