I'm new here, but these are my feelings today, I finally decided to get real and give up on the man that I married.<P>It's so hard to do this, but I can't keep this pace up - plan a and b - nothing works and he does nothing but to tell me - "I'm happy with her so I don't want you 'right now', but I care for you" That hurt me... how dare he replace me like this after 10 years? and to tell me he cares for me - well, if this is how you care for someone, then I don't want anyone to care for me!! After I washed his dirty laundry and gave so much of myself unselfishly only for him to be selfish and not consider my feelings or the other things involved (children). <P>What I hear is "right now" what does that mean? That when he feels it's not working with her that he'll come running back and when he feels it's not working with me then it's to her or someone else - this is not a good way to live in my opinion. Am I wrong in assuming this?<P>Yes I want my life back, I want some sanity, I want my children to have both their parents together for them all the time - but he doesn't want that 'right now'. <P>I have fallen into a life of uncertainty and of financial hardship and am doing everything I can to keep what I have, and it's not easy - without much help from him. I have done plan A and B both. The B time is now... I had to call him and when he answers the phone (all he has is a cell phone) I just ask him to put me into voice mail because I'd rather leave him a message rather than to talk. That makes him angry - he wants to be "friendly" about the situation - how can I be? I am here alone with our children daily, I am doing everything I can to survive and he wants to be friendly - how does that work? <P>I confessed to him that I love him, that I care for him that I want him to stop this and to come home, get some counseling and make it work FOR ALL OF US, and he is NOT interested - 'right now' - that's all I ever get - 'right now' I am tired of waiting for 'NOW' - why does it have to be his call? It makes me mad that this relationship is based on better or worse - this is worse and he runs? I have torn out my heart and put it on a plate over and over again, only for him to feast on and make fun of. I'm just frustrated. I can't even beleive this is even half of the man I married - in fact, I can't even see a glimmer of that man. He has lost so much and he professes that he is sooooo happy with his life now away from me and the kids. Happy? I find that hard to beleive - he lives in a camper in a campground with her and her kid, he has to bow down to her and what she wants and what she wants him to do - he has no money because he spends it like water, he lost his friends, what he HAD was a solid foundation - a wife, 2 children, a home, a great circle of friends, financially sound... and he gave that up for her, for HER, just for a strange piece? I don't buy it and I can no longer feel that there will be a 'happy ending' to this situation. I feel I have done everything I can and it just gets worse and worse. <P>At one point in time if he said he wanted to work on this, GREAT I would have done anything to do it - but not now, I can't go on like this, I can't survive his constant wavering, I can't survive his current destroying behaviour. As late as 3 weeks ago he came to me saying - TELLING - me that he was going to come home because it was over with her, that he wanted his family back - only to change his mind 2 days later, hurting me and further destroying my trust in him and his words. For him to run back to her and her kid and play family with them.<P>I want what I had with him - except without HER of course... do any of you feel by reading this that I should give up? Have done everything I could? Is there something else out there that can help? Have I been impatient? How long do I have to sit here and wait for him to regain his senses? Why am I more concerned for him than I am me? I wish I knew, I just wish I knew what to do.<BR>Rustycat

Rustycat -<P>Slow down and relax. I know this is tough but you have friends here that can help. Keep doing your venting here, okay?<P>Funny about that "right now" stuff. I was hearing the EXACT same thing almost 4 months ago. This is what he wants "right now". Whatever! I was going through the same thing you are going through now. The only difference? My H never said he wanted to come home. He gave up everything to be with her. But I did my best to give Plan A 100%. I also took the time to look inside of me and make the changes I needed to make for me. My H noticed the changes and soon was calling me and wanting to spend time with me. After DDay, that's all my H could say - "This is what I want right now." Last weekend he told his dad that he didn't think things were going to last much longer with the OW.<P>You see, things can change. Make the changes you need to make for yourself and spend this time rediscovering yourself. Yes, it's tough. Incredibly tough. Like I said before, use this board to vent. You'll find so many of us are going through or have gone through exactly the same thing. We can help. Make sure your H sees the positive, relaxed, fun you. He still cares for you. He still has feelings for you. Work on meeting his EN (those that you can). Don't LB with him, let her take care of that. <P>It can happen, RC. Just believe in yourself and the H you knew and know is still somewhere in there.<P>You can do this, RC!!!<P><P>------------------<BR>Molli<P>Find your strength within!