Folks,<P>I know this is a rerun here. I just had to vent it. This weekend H and I had alot of fun. Then as soon as H and I seperate then the demons of OM rush to my mind.<P>I HATE THIS!!!!! WILL IT EVER GO AWAY???? <BR>How long does it take to get the memories out of my head? Can I be hypnotized? LOL!<P>I have to get over the revenge thing. I have never wanted so many bad things to happen to someone. Is this normal?<P>I would not even let being with OM be an option. I am here with H to hold this marriage together.. I just hate wanting revenge so bad on someone. <P>Will his W ever find out? I was just used and I know that. They have only been married for almost 2 years. So not even enough time for the hoeny moon to wear off. So that to me is a sign that he will play again. <P>Has it happened that the OM wife finds out years down the road? I was just curious.<P>Pray for my revenge to go away!!<P>Love to all<BR>Renee<P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>I just done a search on all of my posts. Thank God that it has gotten easier. The only problem now is this one. I tried to focus on all the negative of OM. That way I could get over it. <BR>And this is what it got me. The revenge stage. I like this stage much better than the others.<BR>There really is hope of getting over the jacka@@.<BR>Sorry just had to vent!<BR>Rneee<P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

inamess,<BR>If you continue to allowing your mind to dwell on revenge and any other destructive thought pattern, you will be your own worst enemy.<P>It won't be the OM or the affair. It will be you. <P>The price you pay for being negative will most likely be far higher than any price you could possibly make OM pay.<P>You keep saying you were used. Who isn't used in an affair? Sad but true.<P>You hold the key to your own future. Move toward healing and away from revenge. Move toward forgiving yourself and away from letting yourself be eaten away.<P>I am sure it is not easy. I know you are in a lot of pain, but look at the big picture of your life. There is nothing positive in going backwards. Don't give this affair more power in your life. Take back your life and look forward toward your ultimate goals and DON'T ALLOW yourself to act or dwell on the temporary feelings that wash over you. Stay the course. Fight the good fight. It might take longer than you want, but going backwards will not shorten your journey.<P>Take care...and read your signature!<P>

inamess,<P>I will say this and I didn't make this quote up, wish I did. "The best revenge is a life well lived." <P>Please think about this. If you and H get it together and have a long and satifying marriage, it will be the best revenge, because it is clear marriage is not satisfying your OM. It is clear that he takes no satisfaction in it. It is clear that whether his W finds out or not (she will someday), that his attitude and behavior will kill her joy in the marriage.<P>Inamess, you confessed to your H because of your conscience. I suspect that your H knew something was wrong before that. For sure you were not loving him like you used to and hopefully you are doing now. Think about this.<P>Focus on your H, make him happy. He will his best to do the same for you. It is unlikely that OM's relation with his W will ever be like that. How would like that kind of a marriage.<P>Hang in there Inamess and God Bless,<P>JL

Just read your second post.<P>Hey, if you can make this revenge thing positive, without actually acting on it, then work it through.<P>How about kick boxing or a punching bag or some other physical activity that you can mentally punch the snot out of the OM without ever contacting him or affecting his life.<P>Or write down 101 nasty little things you can do, then wad it up and burn it.<P>Take care!

Thanks so much FHL!<P>I will do that. I will read my signature.<P>But, to get an answer to my question. What are the chances of the OM W finding out in the months to come?<P>Prayers<BR>Renee<P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

Unless your OM's W was incredibly dense, or he an incredibly good deceiver, chances are that she already knows. Perhaps they have not discussed it, or she hasn't brought it up. But the truth *always* has a way of coming out in the wash. My H thought that I would never find out. Wrong. Someone tipped me off anonymously; then people who knew started coming forward, as soon as they knew the affair was over. OM's W will no doubt get tipped off, or a friend will tell her. She will know - you cannot keep the truth from surfacing.<P>The kindest thing you can do is to stop dwelling on this. You have your marriage back, and everything is good. As long as you continue to harbor ill-will toward the OM, the affair will still be alive in your mind. Ever heard that old adage about there being a thin line between love and hate? It's true. Once you cultivate utter apathy for the OM, then your affair will truly be over, in your heart.<P>belld

Renee:<P>Hon, you're kicking a dead horse.<P>It's not that you hate OM and want revenge on him, but you just want him to bear some responsibility for the hurt that you have endured and you want him to hurt somehow.<P>Your H has the right to feel the same toward you...do you think he should act on those feelings? If you must find fault and blame, find it in yourself...and then forgive yourself and move on. OM will suffer his own reward for what he's done both to you and to your H. <P>Let it be...move on and work on rebuilding your marriage...that's what's important now...the affair is in the past...let it die and quit wasting time better spent on showing your H how appreciative you are of the fact that he's still here after all the pain you have put him through.<P><BR>Buffy<P>

I found your post really interesting cos when I read "withdrawal" or think of that stage in regards of an ex-affairee I have *always* thought it was always "fondly remembering/wishing it could be again/still have feelings for them, stuff". but it seems that withdrawal is a whole lot more than that! thanks for the eyeopener.<BR>In terms of revenge, not a good idea. We all probably go though it, revenge on the OW/OM/OP/wife/husband no matter which side we are on, but do you really want the wife to know. Cos wouldnt she possibly hate you as well until she could accept it and move on?<BR>

You have thought of revenge by telling the OM's W. Keep in mind that this type of revenge could really backfire on you. Having been the betrayed I can tell you taht she will more than likely hate your guts and what if she wants revenge on you too? I'll admit I had fantasies of revenge on the OW. I am a firm believer in karma though. Everyone who has ever done rotten things to me got theirs in the end without me lifting a finger. God and the universe takes care of that. My revenge? Her knowing that H and I are happily still together a year and a half later must burn her up. She'd probably be really fumiong if she knew we were expecting another baby. Live happily with your H.

Dear inamess,<P> Please don't take this as an attack, but I find your posts slightly on the selfish side. I will tell you why... You post about wanting "revenge" for being used. Okay. perhaps you were used. Certainly, your feelings are hurt. <P> Revenge is about making someone pay for hurting you, intentionally. Now, in my own humble opinion, you most likely used OM as much as he used you. For companionship, sex, whatever. <P> It is not your sworn duty to inform his wife of his indiscretions with you. Especially not in the name of revenge. You have no place in his marital problems, just as he has no place in yours. <P> Everyone who has posted to you is saying to let sleeping dogs lie. You should now focus on *your* marriage and husband. They are giving you very good advice. Please stop torturing yourself over this man. He is not worth it. His wife may or may not know what he has been up to... but that is their problem, not yours.<P> I know this sounds rather brisk... I'm sorry if I have hurt your feelings, that is not my intent. Please, just look at what your priorities should be. Stop thinking so much about someone who never should have been so intimately involved in your life to begin with.<P> Sincerely,<BR> Mynabird <P>

<BR>I used to hate my W's OM. I used to wish I could inflict unimagineable pain on him, just like he did to me. My original plan was to warn his wife to divorce him before I sued him for every dime he has so that she could at least get her half.<P>I changed my mind. You want to know what did it? Reading posts by NoMas.<P>I realized eventually that NoMas was going through a worse hell than any pain I could put into OM's life. My W's OM is suffering, big time. He'll probably suffer forever too, because I really doubt he has the b@lls to talk to his wife and work on his marriage. If he had that in him, he wouldn't have been playing with married women on the internet.<P>Essentially, my revenge is to let him suffer in the situation he created. Nothing I could do would make him hurt any worse. It'd just make him angry and take his mind off his pain. I wouldnt' want that! <P>Slightly Sane<BR>

Renee,<P>Hi Woman, I wanted you to know that I am still here. And I'm going to tell you this again... and over and over if I have to..<P>Remember how badly OM treated you? You need to remember how disgusted you were with the way he acted and the things he said about you.<P>Forget the revenge... it really won't make you feel any better and it isn't worth your energy... besides, it will just feed his fire... and that is what he enjoys. You don't want him enjoying things do you?<P>Keep busy... do other things... go with your friends, do things with H, and don't leave any time available to waste on him... Take care and keep in touch... <P>Send me e-mail whenever you need to...<P>

Guys,<P>Your so right! What was I thinking! It is so amazing how you all can open my eyes.<P>This is my revenge. H and I together 1 year down the road. When he and his W are divorcing. You know if he wouldnt tell her about the affair. The he isnt man enough to work hard on his marriage. She will go back to the same way she was. Because she knows no better. Then he will be after someone elso to fill the need. I hate that she has to go through that crap. <BR>So that is my REVENGE!!!<P>Those of you that think about not telling!!! <BR>Get IT OUT!!!!! <BR>You cant rebuild with the decoeit.<P>Prayers<BR>Renee<P>What do you all think? Sound Good?<P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

Good girl, Renee. Now, print that out and tuck it away for weak moments... don't feel bad about it. We all experience it from time to time. <BR> Mynabird

Mynabird,<P>thanks so much for that ray of hope! <BR>Thanks to you all for helping me see the light in all of my weak moments.<P>I am sitting here thinking "What would I do without MB? I would have probably been divorced by now. And living in Hell with OM. <P>Thank God I found this board. Praise you Lord for this board.<P><BR>Lacee,<BR>What ya been upto this day and time. I havent heard from you in awhile. Email me.<BR>How are things going? I am ok here. I just have weak moments.<P>Thanks to you all.. I loved JL quote.<BR>The best revenge is life well lived.<BR>There is so much truth in that. <BR>Prayers <BR>Renee<P><P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!