I know he wants his belongings from the house and that he has his newfound happiness.......<P>But, you guys know what an [censored] he has been for over a year. But, it is always something new with him.<P>The girls came home from their overnight with their dad. He didn't pick them up on Friday, but came Saturday. He took them to the fair and spent a huge amount of cash on them. On the Wednesday before he took them to Old Navy.....bought them each a shirt for school, but here is a weird one.....<P>When they returned yesterday, they handed me an envelope....inside was a letter and 150.00 in cash. Also included was a copy of our class reunion booklet. It was our 20th reunion on July 8th. My ex and I graduated from the same school the same year. I did not attend. He told the girls he did and wanted me to have a copy of the booklet.<P>Now comes all the whys, questions and crying on my part.<P>Yes, after reading the booklet and letter, I cried. Big admission folks......I still have feelings for the jerk. My emotions flowed and were hard to turn off. I miss the ole lug. He is sounding more and more like the person I married.<P>I know deep in my head that he is just moving on. But my heart just can't let go....let go of the hope that he is starting to wake up....realize his mistakes. I can't trust that what he is doing (being nice) is because he is "returning" to his old self. He is always motivated by something......there has always been a reason.....usually the calm before the storm.<P>But my biggest confusion is....why can't I accept him being nice? It is like it is easier on me....if he just is mean, nasty, angry. Then it is easier to dislike him.....easy to still feel disgusted in him and his actions.<P>So if he is plan A'ing......not for reconciliation reasons, but because he is moving on.....then hey....plan A works. I have done nothing for the last 12 hours but think about him. Remembering the good times, forgeting or pushing back the bad times.<P>So in my mind...plan A works....but I feel that you have to have feelings for the person for it to work. I did and still could plan A him until the cows come home, but it wouldn't work. But look at him.....he knows my emotions....what buttons to still push....and bang, I'm going "mental" again.<P>So I am a loser. I still can't feel that happiness that I want to feel so bad. I know he thinks, for some reason, that I am seeing someone and now this.<P>But again the trust issue is not there. Just last week he told his co-workers that he was thinking about buying the house from underneath me and screwing me on the financial part of the equity. How he was going to continue with the custody battle and what a complete [censored] I was.<P>But see, I have refused to talk to him about anything but the girls. If he starts in on anything else I excuse myself from the conversation by asking him if he would like to talk to the girls again or needing to get going. He doesn't like that. <P>I know......rambling.....but gosh....my head is spinning again.<P>Nancy

Sheeze... does he ever stop? Hon, I've been following your story. I'm sorry, but I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. He has done so many things to make you "Mental". <P> Don't read too much into the money *or* the reunion pamplet. You have been dealing with him long enough to know that he usually has ulterior motives.<P> I completely understand your wish to have your family whole, again. There is no sin or shame in that. But he has beat you down too many times to be trust-worthy. <P> I truely wish I could be optimistic for you, where he is concerned. But, I cannot give false hope. <P> To answer your question, "Why can't I accept him being nicer?" Because he is *not* a nice person.<P> Hang in there baby, (picture kitten hanging onto that branch )<P> Mynabird

Mynabird,<P>Your right, he is not a nice person. I hate having those feelings again. Where your heart hangs heavy all day.<P>Besides...all that crying I did yesterday has given me huge bags under my eyes. Do those cucumber slices really help? LOL Nothing like smelling like a tossed salad all day.<P>Nancy

Lol, honey, if I knew the cure for bags-under-the-eyes syndrome, I'd be filthy rich! <P> I could not tell you how many times I had the old baggies. Why can't we cry out of our rear-ends? At least then it wouldn't be so obvious, lol! Oh wow. I'm picturing this and lmao! Hehehehe... <P> Mynabird

Mynabird,<P>You crack me up. That is so true. I forgot what it was like to wake up with bags under the eyes and a huge headache. Haven't cried like that in a long time.<P>Now.....did the crying cause those bags on my thighs?<P>Nancy

Lmao! hehehehe...whew...*sniff*<P> Thanks hon, I needed that laugh! <P> Well, hmmm... let us see. Baggie thighs. Hmmm... I blame my mom's bad genes. But ya know, if we *did* cry out of our butts, then we could definitely cure cellulite... just rip out those ole tear glands and viola! No more baggies! <P> Just remembered something funny...<P> Eons ago, when I was about 10 years old, my mom and I were in the living room together, watching tv. I was on my stomach, on the couch. She was sitting at the back of the room. She says, "Myna, you'd better lay off the candy, your rear end is starting to get wide."<BR> I very calmly looked over at her and said (very matter-of-factly for a 10 year old), "It's genetic, Mom."<P> LOLOLOL! The look on her face was priceless! She was *mad* at me! Didn't speak to me the rest of the day, lol!<P> Thank goodness for the lighter moments, huh? <P> Mynabird

I just wanted to offer you my support. It is so difficult to have the person you loved and trusted so much change into this "otherly" !! Even if it is "their" problem and maybe it's depression or something it is truly mind-boggling.<P>I especially feel for the kids. I know my children are still reeling and my H hasn't a clue. The kids counselor says he is emotionally turned off....can't hear or feel a thing. I know it is a defense, but I see my kids suffer so with his emotional distance. Particularly my son. I was thinking of calling big-brother or something so he could have some sort of male bonding. ]<P>I don't live near family....and no close male friends... ONe of the main impetus's for moving closer to family...my son!!<P>My heart aches also...I feel your pain... It is hard to have your love (however imperfect it may be) crushed ...and to be treated like a dust particle. <P>I'm like you, I try to focus on me, the kids, making positive changes...moving forward....and if H would do something I would start to feel again.... (luckily, he hasn't done anything since I began to only deal with kid issues)<P>Your H will have to come face to face with "it" someday....he may not think so, but he will....

Nancy,<P>{{{{{Nancy}}}}},<P>Time to get a Plan B chest...<BR>...paint it black on the inside...<BR>...put it into a dark corner...<BR>...promise yourself to not open it...<BR>......except to put those "gifts" (like reunion booklet) into it!<BR>......never to look through it!<P>Self preservation is the mode to be in...<BR>...don't let him get to you...<BR>...give the girls a big hug instead!<P> <P>Jim

Well Mynabird........yep....no trusting him. Just got a call from my attorney, he is filing contempt charges on me tomorrow. So again, the calm before the storm. Mr. Nice guy.....so he looks good in court.<P>Nancy