I gave the W a Plan B letter yesterday. I cleaned the house, made everything look nice for when she got home from work, and left her the note on the table. I'm house-sitting for a few friends til she moves out on the 11th...one day after our anniversary.<P>I told her how much I loved her, how terribly sorry I was for saying things in anger that may have hurt her. I told her that I would take her back in a heartbeat, even after all the pain she has put me through. I told her that I thought there was still hope for us, but not while OM was in the picture. I'd type in the whole text of the letter, cause it was really good, but that would take too long, and I'm on someone else's computer. Suffice to say, I followed the sample Plan B letters in Plan B 101 as well as I could. <P>The best part? I said "I'm sorry I couldn't provide you with the kind of marriage you wanted. You wanted romance like you saw on the soap operas. I could only give you the kind of marriage we saw on Nick at Nite. We weren't like Luke and Laura, we were more like George and Weezy. But Luke and Laura broke up, and George and Weezy stayed together through thick and thin."<P>Last night, she called me. I had asked her not to call me, but I don't know if she got that part of the letter. She needed help setting up a stereo. She's not good with electronics, and that's one of my forte's. <P>Anyway, I told her two things, basically.<P>1: I didn't want to talk to her. Not because I didn't want to, but because it was simply too painful. I was breaking off contact for my own sanity. Talking to her, I said, was like putting a bottle of whisky in front of a raging alcoholic and telling him not to drink it.<P>2: She could no longer count on me for such mundane, everyday things I used to do for her. Cooking, cleaning, fixing things, being supportive, listening, helping with the computer, etc. I told her that she couldn't expect to have an affair, ask for a divorce, and still look to me to fulfill her everyday needs.<P>She got very, very quiet. I think she finally came to the realization that I would not be there for her anymore. I think that the past few days (filling out divorce papers, me leaving, last night's conversation) have finally struck home with her. The gravity of the situation sank in. Perhaps she's realizing just how much she's losing. Perhaps she's not.<P>I stopped by the house today while she was at work. I left her a dozen yellow roses with a note that said "There will always be a place in my heart for you."<P>So what's the next move? I'm pretty new at this stuff, and I've made some mistakes along the way, but do the same rules apply to every situation? <P>Help!

cjack,<P> You are doing wonderfully. What you told us of the letter is fantastic. You obviously wrote a very well-thought-out letter. *I* was touched by the sincerity in it. I think your wife definitely has a concrete idea, now, of how serious you are.<BR> I only suggest one thing... no more flowers, just for the present and immediate future. They give her the idea that she still has some sort of control (sry, for lack of a better word) over you.<P> For now, you hold your position. She has to make the moves. She has to break things off with OM (sry, I am not too familiar w/ your story). The ball is in her court now. This is where she finally decides what she wants. Plan B is to give her a real taste of life without your support, without giving her any more opportunities to empty your lovebank.<P> Very, very well done. Keep your chin up. You will know when she has made her decision.<P> We are here whenever you need us. Might take a while for someone to post, but someone always does. <P> Take care of *you*, now.<BR> <BR> Mynabird

Cjack,<P>You know I told you to stay in Plan A...<BR>...you didn't...<BR>...and that's OK!!! <P>But now that you're in Plan B...<BR>...stick to it!<P>If the roses were because you left something off in the Plan B letter... OK...<BR><B>But</B>... no more contact!!!<BR>...no more roses...<BR>...no more notes...<BR>...no more helping her...<P>Phone calls, little more love notes... etc...<BR>...have to stop! Please...<P>This will be so hard!...<BR>We've had folks here... post every hour (or more frequently)... that they were getting weak... and breaking the "no contact" rule...<P>Search for help! Here on the forum!<P>I'm honored you used the Plan B 101 post...<BR>...now stick to the "no contact"!<P>Prayers my friend. <P>Jim

BTW cjack,<P> Check out NSR's post here, "When does Plan B end?" I think there is some valuable insight there for you.<BR> <BR> <P>Mynabird

Speak of the devil, lol! <P> Don't know you NSR, but well met. <BR> I am duly impressed with you sound advice you give to people. Hope you are well.<P> Mynabird

Thank you for the complement <B>Mynabird</B>... <P>The post you reference <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/004267.html" TARGET=_blank>When does Plan B end?... (long)</A> is OK...<BR>...I originally started it for those who have been at Plan B (of even Plan A) for a <B><I>l o n g</I></B> time...<P>...but it can give one a perspective of what to anticipate...<P>...that <B>PTC</B> (referenced in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>) holds true in Plan B...<BR>...for a different reason<BR>...with a different purpose<P>...but you still need it here too... <BR>...for <B><I>self</I></B>!<P> <P>Jim

I agree with Mynabird. It sounds like you wrote a very touching letter. Well done.<P>All the best<P>AC2

Thanks to all! Yes, the roses were part of a gentle reminder that I would be there for her if she ever came back to her senses. The phone conversation had ended pretty tense, and I wanted her last contact with me to be a positive one.<P>NSR, I tried to Plan A her. In fact I realize I had been doing it all along, since our falling out in Nov. She thought it was part of some "mind game" I was doing. She has convinced herself that the OM is her soul-mate. I feel like I've just let him have free reign with my W! I know from his e-mails that he is planning to come visit, and that he's happy I'm out of the picture.<P>But I know that I have to let go. If Plan B works, it won't work until she realizes her love for this guy is not real. In any case, I need to get on with my life, with her or without her.<P>Mynabird, anncicero2, NSR, you have all helped a great deal. I'll keep you posted.<BR>

I have nothing to constructive to say, but you sound like a guy that is just too good to loose! The letter! The yellow roses! "There will always be a place in my heart for you. . ."<P>Now what is this about not being a romantic guy? <P>I am with you. . .I don't believe in all the drama, wining, dining and dancing that some people think a relationship should be. I believe in partnership, one hand washing the other, building from the ground up--together--and having a best friend to say good night to as you turn off the lights. Boring, I know. But all that fantasy stuff fades away sooner or later, doesn't it?<P>Good job on the letter--and stay strong. (You know country music: Some of God's Greatest Gifts are Unanswered Prayers.)But I hope that your dreams come true in one way or another.