At the beginning of last year I found out my wife had cheated on me, her affair was over when I found out but the pain was devastating, we decided to work on our marriage and both worked hard to rebuild our love, I remember at the beginning of discovery feeling that something had vanished from our relationship I call it “that special feeling” I tried so hard to recapture that feeling for my wife but it just hasn’t returned. After about 9 months of hell I managed to forgive my wife and things started to move forward, I didn’t think about her affair every second of the day and things seemed to be a lot better, but that “special feeling” hadn’t returned. Then….. earlier this year I got involved with another woman, this woman is a friend of my wife, I have never been unfaithful to my wife before but I guess she was providing that special feeling, the affair got physical almost straight away. My affair has been going on for 6 months now and had got to the stage where we were talking about leaving our spouses for each other, something that my ow says she would do so long as she was sure I would do the same, I am not sure I could do the same, I still love my wife but I also love the OW. I have just finished the affair, I can see that my marriage is falling apart, I think of my ow every waking moment, I am being distant towards my wife and she has noticed this, I have told her I don’t feel the same about her. I now face the pain of withdrawal while I try to give all my love to my wife and fix my marriage. Don’t know what advice I am looking for, guess I just wanted to vent!

Welcome itsme,<P>I know how it hurts when your S tells that he loves you, always will BUT he doesn't feel for you "that special feeling (being in love)" anymore, so maybe the marriage is finished. It's like being in hell!!<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> I now face the pain of withdrawal while I try to give all my love to my wife and fix my marriage <HR></BLOCKQUOTE></B><P>I think that you have took the right option "Save your Marriage", so you have to begin Plan A that will take both of you out of the withdrawal stage. <P>I don't know if you have read all the Dr. Harley's material that is in this site and/or his books. All of these readings are very helpful and will give you some light to begin to recover you marriage.<P>Keep us posted!!

That special feeling will return, it takes time. Time is something you can't hurry, just gotta choose from today forward to make decisions based on what is right.<P>Try reading the basic concepts from the link on the front page, and realize that you can work past the affair with your wife, and achieve happiness if you want to. <P>Try taking the emotional needs questionaire. Keep posting, we are here for you.<P>TNT

Yes you are right, thank you trapito and trustntruth, that "special feeling" must be "love" I guess I have been thinking all along through recovery that I do still love my wife but that the missing feeling is just a part of it all, does that make sense? then the ow comes along and I fall in love with her, bang.... I am hit with that "special feeling" I have been craving. I feel physically sick today and I’m shaking! Signs of withdrawal I guess? trustntruth, I hope you are right and that feeling comes back soon! I have been waiting for almost 17 months (gee has it been that long since I found out about my wife’s affair??!!) I am feeling low at the moment.

Special feelings were gone for me - it was what made me conclude there must have been an affair. <P>When (1996) I met my husband at the airport after a 5 month separation, but daily contact - we kissed, and I knew it - I knew something was missing.<P>Nothing I tried could help repair the hole that was missing. He adamently said there has never ever ever ever been any one else.... but, things didn't add.<P>I was tempted to have an affair - after years of lonliness too, but I guess I was lucky, the opportunity didn't present itself. I felt desperate - like you did. Actually, the loss of the special feeling really leaves us vulnerable.<P>I think it was well after d-day that the feelings began to show signs it would return. It isn't as continuous as it could be, but it is there more often than not. It takes time, and it takes a full love bank.<P>Go read basic concepts, I think it will help.<BR>TNT

itsme,<P>I have a question for you:<P>Are you still in contact with OW?<P>If so, it is a MUST for begining a recovery process that you avoid every contact with OW.<BR>After that you can concentrate on your own marriage.<P>The missing "special feeling" i think is the "in love feeling". I think that right now you feel like my H, he still loves me but he WANTS TO BE <B>IN LOVE </B> WITH ME.<BR>And the sadness is because you are trying to find that feeling again, give it time first of all you both need a Full Love Bank to find that special feeling. It's a long process, not painless but doable.<P>Bless you<BR>

trapito<P>Up until today I have had daily contact with my ow, by phone etc.. Today I finished the affair, I have finished it several times before but we tried to stay "friends" the contact continued and before we knew it we were back into the affair again, I know that no contact is the only way, I really have to make a very determined effort to do that however I will see her occasionally, she lives not far from me, her and her husband socialise with the same friends as us so it is inevitable that I will bump into her from time to time.<P>your description of that "special feeling" is absolutely right, I love my wife but I want to be IN LOVE with her.<P>Thanks for the help<P><BR>

Itsme,<P>How did you find out about your W affair? Did she tell you? <BR>You have to tell her. I could not imagine hanging out with all the same friends and running into the OW. <BR>This sounds so much like my affair. That my stomeach turned a flip when I read this story. Except, We did leave our spouses for each other. Thank God I came back!!!!!<BR>You have to make a NO CONTACT rule. Like you said, you can never be friends or anything. You are so emotionally attached to this lady that it is to hard to try that. It is unfair to you and to her.<BR>Does she try to contact you? I think your W would understand. Gosh, I wouldnt question telling if my H had an affair.<BR>Hang in there ITSME!!!!!!!<BR>Prayers<BR>Renee<P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

BTW, I think that you both need to get started on focusing on the marriage. <BR>However, you wont be able to till after withdrawal is over.<BR>Prayers<BR>Renee<P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

Taking it to the TOP!!!!!!!!<BR><P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

inamess<P>I love your name! it would suit my situation.<P>I found out about my wife’s affair from another person, a girl who tried to flirt with me and wanted me to have an affair with her, I refused point blank, I was soooo in love with my wife at that time, I thought everything was wonderful between us. When I refused to go with her she said these words, words that will haunt me forever! "why not, your wife is hardly faithful is she" my whole world fell apart when she said this and then explained my wife had been seeing another man, this news has changed me forever, I have tried to recover so hard, tried to recapture that love and my wife has tried hard too, she is so very sorry for what she did. No my ow has not tried to make contact yet, buts only the first day.<BR>

inamess, did you read my reply yet?