hi all<P>Now that I have found who my W has been seeing should I tell her I know?<P>Would it help to bring all the lies to the surface that I know she is having the A?<BR>Would it help to let the A take its own course without my interferring? As this time it is with another co-worker(her boss).<P>I presume that she will be very angry that I know.<P>I am feeling a lot stronger these past few days since I know what is going on.<P>My birthday is coming up in a week and I have organised to go on a tandum ski dive. This is totally out of character for me as I am very respectful of heights. We will be jumping out of a perfectly good plane at 12,000 feet. This is going to be symbolic gesture when I jump from the plane for me as I intend to get rid of the baggage I have been carring around for the past six months.<P>Wish me luck. It has certainly changed my priorities as I am thinking more of my decision to do the jump. If I can do this I can achieve anything.<P>bye for now <P>Tim

Should you tell her...<P>...if you believe in the "rule of honesty"...<BR>...yes...<BR>......but not in a confrontational way!<P>You can tell her you will still<BR>...protect her (no LBs)<BR>...care for her (meet those EN)<BR>...be honest (past, present, future)<BR>...give her time...<P>She may pull that "time" away...<BR>...she may forgo that sky-dive...<P>...but you go anyway...<P>Plan A... means you keeping for you what you'd like!<P>I too have leared not to give up on dreams... and wishes...<BR>I went on a cruise... W hates boats/ships/water in general<BR>I went on a air boat ride... in the everglades<BR>I rented a beautiful convertible... was her dream too<BR>Had I had the time... would have gone on a helicopter ride with kids... she... affraid of heights.<P>Good Luck to you...<BR>...you'll need it more when you lovingly approach your W<BR>...than when you jump the 12,000 feet!<P> <P>Jim

Hi all and especially you Jim<P>I read your replies often as your words of wisdom always are understood and to the point.<P>I was thinking of writting a letter as I will have the time to exprees myself the way I want it to heard, with LB's.<BR>There is so much I would like to include in the letter but I know that will only cause her back away even further.<P>I have orderd the books from this site and will take longer to arrive as I am o/s. I cant wait until I recieve them to give some ideas on what to include.<P>Thanks again<BR>Tim

An affair is based on secrecy. Once the secret is out the affair it stops being a fantasy. That is why you need to confront her with the evidence you have. She will be the one who have to deal with anger and shame of being discovered. She will be forced to look at herself in the mirror. Do not be afraid to confront her. The chances are that she will beg for your forgiveness. If she does not and wants a divorce then you are better off without her.

Hey, timtam,<BR>Have been in and out and haven't been posting much - haven't heard from you in awhile...<BR>I am glad that you finally know - I think knowing helps - better than wondering, don't you think? I agree that you should let your wife know what you know - takes away the fantasy and the "fun" and "excitement" of sneaking around!!! I didn't confront my H when I first found out - instead, I did of lot of investigating and evidence gathering - found out a lot of info, and had evidence in case I needed it. Because he did not admit to it for awhile...but eventually had to when I had so much information. Good luck - try to Plan A when you are doing it.<BR>I'll be thinking of you...<BR>A